Every night I lay in bed
I twist and turn
Trying to get a glimpse, a catch or a flash
From the moon, from the light
Asking for protection and safety
For my family and friends
To keep them strong and fulfil their dreams.
Asking to let them shine as much as she does.
Every day again
Every morning half awake
Every night when I can’t fall asleep
I’m longing for the light, for the bigger whole, for answers to my questions
For the moon, and for the stars
For your laugh and for your arms
For answers to where you are
And why you left
I’m seeking for the moon, for the light and for myself.
But hoping and longing
Searching while creating
A place for acceptance
Acceptance of unanswered questions and the feeling of guilt
Acceptance of not any longer, and a heart that aches.
It is my aching heart that tells me, to move, to whirl. It is my heart that doesn’t let me sleep. That doesnt let it go. Doesnt let you go. That longs for the light, for the glimpse and the catch.
It is my mind that wonders. That questions if it is the light that warms my heart. If it is the moon that makes it soft.
Or if they’re answers. A confirmation of affiliation. Of love. A sign of sharing. The moon and the stars. The sun and the earth.
Where life ends and begins.
Both observers of the universe.
Together.
I miss you so much
- AIL
for my grandmother