you see it coming
but can do nothing
but rage and cry
get on your knees
praying to Him
as He slowly
lets you die

i hate laying in bed
hearing my heartbeat
reminding me
of my mortality
and how few beats
i have left

“How do you prefer to dance Tango? Open or closed.” I asked, looking into her big brown eyes.

“Open,” she replied softly. “Which do you prefer?”

“Closed,” I said, opening up my arms, and letting her decide on the embrace.

At 5 foot 10, and with heels on, she stood even with me; she stepped forward, embracing me, chest to chest, as I wrapped my arms around her, surprised, but glad that she'd chosen the closed embrace, which told me so much about her. I had sensed, but now I knew. She was the quintessential follower: passionate and sensuous, surrendering herself unconditionally to her leader.

Her femininity and demureness, unconsciously and instinctively brought out an urge in me to protect. I held her, gently, lovingly, and slowly started to rock back and forth to the music, like a man rocking a baby.  

We started to dance and within seconds I felt it: the chemistry. Our bodies attuned, and we danced as one, losing ourselves in the melody.

Her hair brushed against my face, and I could smell her scent, earthy and delicate like rain.

We turned, and I held her tighter, feeling her softness, her ******* pressing against my chest. Who was she, mysteriously, coming out of nowhere, like an angel in the night?

I am not afraid
of dying

I am afraid
of not living

it’s time

let go

accept

the inevitable

fall

willing

into the void

the blackness

the nothingness

of nonexistence

in a storm
of love and hate
isolation deafens
numbing
the mind
blinding
the eyes
of hope and joy
a heart
shrivels
a soul
dies
burning eternally
in a hell
of despair

you are a siren enchanting mesmerizing
beckoning calling daring me to approach
when you sing no man can resist
like a fool i jumped from the of my ship
swam an ocean of lustful emotions
reached the beach beheld your presences
approached kissed your lips
knowing on a whim death was certain

i became an addict to forget
numb the pain
and silence their screams

i miss

your touch
on my cheek

your gaze
in my soul

your kiss
on my lips

ahhhhhhhh
make it stop

the loneliness
and grief

a fresh coat of paint
on the walls of a tomb
haunted by ghosts
too young to have died
or old faded and forgotten
who remembers them
who really cares

remember the summer days
the smell of fresh cut grass
the song and chir
of birds and grasshoppers
sitting under a tree
watching clouds roll by
dreaming of tomorrow
of kissing Betty or Veronica

a hot wind blows in the desert for a lost soul
walking under a cold moon
forgotten, forgetting
in relentless waves of shame
sinking higher into a purple sky
clouds as passersby
tears fall into oblivion
when a child smiles

i didn’t keep the gift
you gave me
the fairy tale yarn
you’d spun
i threw it away
when I woke
to the reality
that you’d left
shattering my heart
extinguishing my soul

close your eyes
to die
my child
forget it all
let go
let it disappear
remember the pleasure
forget the pain  
surrender
fall asleep
have no fear
awaken never more
rest
forever in peace
mama’s here

i need
a safe space
a sanctuary
to shelter
stay in place
watch the madness
from afar
exploding
outside
my window
retreat
to the bedroom
when life
is cruel

lost in fog and fire
running towards a false horizon
a starless night cometh
reeling from too many horrors
a mind over wrought
from hearing the screams
of children dying
the ***** of a rose
blinding the mind’s eye
praying wishing not to see
the white orchid die

defeated
on my knees

what more
do you want of me

my fate
is not my own

the days are finally growing shorter
and the temperature has begun to cool
i can hear the change in the air
and feel the hecticness of summer slowing
mellowing becoming fall
i am looking forward to sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes
snuggling and kissing you by the fireplace

how do i blind my mind’s eye
from the horrors that i see
quiet the screams
of the dying in my ears
that i tremble with rage and fear
at what is about to come

a dancer’s body
a writer’s pen
undulating gyrating
scribbling scrawling
across floor and paper
choreographing sweating
imagining writing  
touching kissing loving
expressed in her movements and his words

i float among the stars
slowly spinning
touching nothing
feeling something
it’s crystal clear
not black or white
but somewhere
in between
lost in time
surrounded by sound
it all stops
the silence is deafening

what does it all mean
this blank canvas you gave me
what do i do
with these paints and brushes
with no instructions or directions

run
fast
and far away
hide
and hope
the demons
don’t find
and crucify your ***

you came into the room, whispered if i slept, slide into bed, curling up beside me, too afraid of being alone, needing to be held, laid your head upon my chest.

i wrapped you in my arms, made sure you felt safe, kissed your head, brushed your hair, reassured that daddy cares.

words never spoken
a story never told

pay the oarsman
pay your dues

sleep forget
drink the waters of Lethe

ghosts & queens
never seen

deep
dark
malicious
melancholy
you complicate
distract
from having
a life
worth living

“I have something for you,” Gérard said with a bit of excitement in his voice.

“What it is,” Séraphine asked coyly with a smile and looking deep into Gérard’s eyes.

Gérard reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a blue velvet jewelry bag and gave it to her.

Séraphine opened it and pulled out a black velvet choker with a ruby pendant. Her eyes widened and her smile exploded as she exclaimed, “it’s beautiful.”

“Will you put it on me,” and spun around lifting up her thick black hair exposing her creamy white neck and shoulders.

Caught off guard, his first instinct was to kiss her neck and shoulders; the temptation made even worse from the sweet sensuous scent of her perfume.

He gently put the choker around her neck and locked the clasps. She let her hair down and turned around, looking at him with her big brown eyes.  

She took his phone, and searched for “You’re the One That I Want,” by Lo-Fang on Spotify, took his hand, and led him to the middle of the living room, stopping in front of the fireplace.

“Dance with me,” she whispered.

He took her in his arms as she pressed herself against his chest, listening to his heart beat. He wrapped his arms around her as she meld into him smiling.

They swayed slowly to the melody and danced. She felt so good in his arms: warm, soft, feminine; right as rain.

He stopped, and she looked up into his eyes. He tilted his head forward and kissed her neck as she sighed softly in his ear, surrendering herself to him.

i am hiding behind words
reading and writing
living vicariously
afraid of the real world

is it time to walk away
when my writing has become
intellectual
technical
no longer visceral
devoid of passion

0 & 1 is 1                my
1 & 1 is 2                love
2 & 1 is 3                for
3 & 2 is 5                you
5 & 3 is 8                is
8 & 5 is 13              eternal
13 & 8 is 21            boundless
21 & 13 is 34          immeasurable
34 & 21 is 55          limitless
55 & 34 is 89          incalculable
89 & 55 is 144        unconditional
∞                             ad infinitum

living on death row
sequestered in a cell
never dreaming
no more hoping
living between tests
and a doctor’s stethoscope
a positive result
and i am
a dead man walking

I don’t want to think
about the future
fear and anxiety

I don’t want to feel
the grief
ruminate
and sink deeper
in the abyss

i find shelter
in your arms

forget the past
the pain and sorrow

your embrace
reassuring

enveloping me
in love and safety

your kisses
soothing

comforting
melting the world away

your touch
tells me so much

it heals my heart
anchors my soul

reminds me
i am not alone

i want
need
to get high

**** the feelings
welling up
deep
from within

take a hit
soar
crash
wake up
to new lows

queued up
waiting to die
of a terrifying bliss
yet to come
emotionally blunted
benzos in the blood
feeling neither pain nor pleasure
whipsawing laughing crying
how to squelch the fear
the anxiety
reality fades
evaporates before your eyes
not happy sad just numb
rocking to and fro
******* on a thumb
waiting for sleep beauty
who never comes

you ache
for the touch
of a man
desperate
afraid
of growing old
dying alone

it is true
i am the beast
you the beauty
give upon you
a white rose
why do you love me so
honored one
pure and white as snow

there is a coldness
on the summer wind

a sad
loneliness

of a bygone
spring

escape
reality
with drugs
and alcohol
unleash
let go
be free
sink deep
into the bliss
see the queen
on the ceiling
with barbiturates
kiss her majesty
don’t be afraid
she's waiting for you

you realize
you’re aging
getting old
closer to dying
with every sunrise

fear takes hold
creeping into your mind
consuming your thoughts
i am no longer young
spry or vibrant

i feel helpless
hopeless
how long do i have
before the sun’s final set

youth, beauty, ***
power, influence, currency
ephemeral, fragile, purity
young, old, mortality
look at me
what do you see
am i pretty
do you want me
what’s my value
to you
to me

the past is about grief
the future fear
slow down
stop
let go
surrender
accept
its all about
THE HERE & NOW

inspiration plagiarism
truth or lies
which one
do you write?

fog of war
tears of grief

cloud my mind
as i let go

of your
dead hand

i’ve searched
for happiness
listened
believed
TV psychologist
babble
bogus claims
find bliss
at the end
of the rainbow

i realize now
it was a lie
what i found
instead
is the here
and now
being present
and content

we’re all dead
we just haven’t realized it yet
the world is burning,writhing ,dying
before our eyes
and we choose to ignore it
pretend it isn’t happening
wishing, hoping, praying
things will get back to normal
only fools and idiots believe it so
this is the beginning of the end
it’s going to to get worst
accelerate as we watch in horror
what have we done
what can we do
it is too late
we’ve past
the point of no return
we're standing
at hell's gate

the last dawn
never ending
eternal
everlasting
sleep of a mortal

a sand mandala
drawn then destroyed
who will remember
once you’re gone

the sun sets
for the last time
Horus closes
his eyes

as you slowly
die

listen, and listen well
the secret to fame and fortune
is not who you know
but who knows you