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2.1k · Jan 2019
Hope for Homeostasis
kbww Jan 2019
Head a hostile environment again
Emotion overthrows intelligence
Fragile skull accepts another beating
and indecency becomes preference

Absorbing black into gray matter
Meticulous infiltration;
Makes death a desire
and living a fear

Friendly fire
Mind battles disease, disease
obliterates mind to violence
collided with sharpened corners of myself
****** mess, wrong message

Swallowing hostile heavy medications,
contain my elation so that overjoy
doesn't morph into mania, or joy
Mass of electrons now inside
find nothing positive; thought paralyzed

Deviating cells that scare themselves
from the darkened sanguinary state.
wide eyed faces searching for a homeostasis
Far from stable since demon's rule

Constant epiphanies with no execution
turn to facts filed in brain catalogs
Fully aware solutions are there,
but the drawers are glued shut

~kb
1.4k · Aug 2018
Tell Me I’m beautiful
kbww Aug 2018
Open scars poured with liquid emotion
Potion
Elixir
Fixer
Forgetter
Step on toes and apologize later
Loose talker
Blinded intelligence
A pure soul and virtue of benign benevolence
I love you I hate you will you be my friend
Burn down the next liquid, my throat needs to mend
To spew out opinions and blind web read facts
You need to be my friend, I’m not what you think
I don’t stink
I don’t *****
I ***** a little
You do too
Just to have someone next to you
You swallow your pride and face what you see, but
It makes you feel whole to wake up next to me.
Tell me I’m beautiful tell me please
Tell me when you want me down on my knees
I slap you with putrid feelings of hate
That I drank to provide you with a willing debate: do I **** this ***** or get out while I can
But you’re only just a *****, lonely old man
I’m in your house so I can easily leave
But I won’t
Because you wanting me is such a reprieve
1.2k · Sep 2018
Strangers
kbww Sep 2018
I missed you today.
At the coffee shop.
On the bus.
In my chair at the office.
I wanted to say
Yes I’m feeling on top.
There’s a seat here for both of us.
Doing well, uh oh, here come the bosses.

I sat there all day.
I looked up every minute.
Stirred hands across the keyboard
I wanted to be in it,
Involved in this life and the people
And plans.
But all I do is keep tight lipped
With tremors for hands.
Spider webs for brains
And an undisciplined bladder.
And when I get up to go, it didn’t seem
To matter.

We say fake goodbyes
And look down at our shoes
As if clues to these blues would just
Jump out in twos.
But not even two, not even one.
There are no clues
It’s in front of our faces.
The glow of a screen
Humanity erases.

I missed you today, at all of those places.
Because every single stranger had buried
Their faces.
Not one smile or hello or greeting.
And this is now how people are meeting.
You don’t know I’m having a rough time.
I could speak up.
but I see your headphone lines.
Eyes fixed ears shut.

I just wanted someone
To acknowledge me a short while.
But we’re so disconnected,
I can’t even get a smile.
~kb
860 · Nov 2018
Misunderstanding
kbww Nov 2018
Sometimes
when I’m talking to someone
I ask them if they like
music
They say yes, and maybe
name a few artists
Then I ask them
if they like
poetry
and they say
not really
never got into it
And I silently laugh to myself
yet break a little, too

~kb
855 · Dec 2018
Same Soil
kbww Dec 2018
Hair catches light and shines
a violet prism on pages
Sage bushes push their scent from
the edge of the garden
Watch hummingbirds
sip through small straws
Dogs sing songs
of annoyance while wind chimes
fight to be louder
And only a few orange ornaments
remain on once flowered foliage
Life and death grace the same soil
and have everything
and nothing to do with one another
Shift from relaxation with nature
to thoughts of the nature of life
Been set aside in that regard and
in the survival of the fittest I’d lose
Pen warmed to overflow
Start writing a
survivor’s guide to a poet’s mind

~kb
762 · Nov 2018
Rain
kbww Nov 2018
Sometimes I feel like
I take others’ pain
The things they can’t handle
I take the remains
I want to believe this
As my pain is so deep
But if one who suffers like me
Can get a night’s sleep
Then I’ll take their pain all night
And stay up to the sun
And if it works
I’ll take suffering from everyone
Because I’m far too gone
Suffering is my norm
Give me all of your rain
And I’ll weather your storm.

~kb
732 · Jan 2019
Abnormal is Normal
kbww Jan 2019
Falling over this
made up line
one way or the other has our truth covered
and smothers
the humans we were meant to be
the intelligent
the artists
the teachers and preachers
all run from the projectors
in our brains showing features
subliminally telling us we need to change
we have to fit in
normally some way
while the universe keeps sending us signals
telling us to stay the exact same way
that your cells made you
they were made to create you
the you that comes through
when you let peace preside
over your abnormal life
Society is an oblivious liar
Normal is simply
a setting on a dryer

~kb
695 · Oct 2018
Invisibly Visible
kbww Oct 2018
I’m almost invisible
like a blind hem stitch.
Like the world is deaf
but I sing in perfect pitch.
A girl without arms
yet I hold on to everything.
A lover for a lifetime
with no wedding ring.
An exquisite ballerina
without any toes.
A runway model
without any clothes.
I’m standing in front of you
but you move right through me.
A tormented ghost
with no haunting ability.
Undetectable, unseen,
like ultraviolet light.
In daytime I sleep
and appear in twilight.
The only person able
to create shadows at night.
Silently choking on black,
face a sickly pale white.
With the thinnest of instruments
I thicken the plot.
A partial lobotomy
and I’m full of free thought.
My darkened grey matter gone,
color returns to my face.
The invisible girl
has been visibly erased.

~kb
643 · Dec 2018
Moon Retreat
kbww Dec 2018
Carry me gently to the moon
My heart hurts darkness makes me swoon
I need to be rid of this intense guilt
Let me curve like a cat on the moon’s tilt
Let me touch tips of stars
Feel their heat heal my scars
When shadow comes I’ll travel home
A new energy fills my bones
I tingle with stars the moon on my back
And no longer feel dark’s vicious attack

~kb
591 · Aug 2018
Butterflies
kbww Aug 2018
Temperature inside me
Peaks to a new degree
Monsters peel back their skins
Fall in the sides of me

Play with my ***** heart
Rev it up let it start
Play with my ***** skin
Open it, see what’s lies within

A flurry of butterflies
Wrap their matching wings round your eyes
You scurry to compromise
That you’ll take the dark with the light

But you know now with wings exposed
Your mouth attempts to say what it knows
Now you’ve seen where my butterflies go
Into the cocoons that used to be my soul

******* the insects back I smirk at your face
How can something so beautiful hide absolutely no grace?
All it was was midnight, no moon
How can your face not display this doom?

Don’t be fooled by a wisp of a wing
As gentle as whiskers, they are a dark thing
Separated in flight a simple joy touches the air
As they come more and more, joy and lightness won’t fair

      -k B~
558 · Aug 2018
A Lovers’ Waltz
kbww Aug 2018
Zippered down the front
Easy access
The poppies return for their dance
A soothing lightning of drip and dilation
Night is day, night is night
Night is hope that the last of days has passed
A wash of whitewater ecstasy, engulfs
The throat
The body
Catapults to the head
A fall back to sunken eyes staring at the upside down right side up
Fright
Calm and fright intwined
in a lovers’ waltz
I can’t breathe
I’m so free
I can’t breathe
I’m so...
Free
My body is yours now
It always has been
But I, dead, am a far easier doll to play with
Than one with open stitches

             -k b~
555 · Sep 2018
Learning Love
kbww Sep 2018
My love for you lasted 7 years, and more,
Though I can’t say the same on your side.
I saw a picture today
Hit my gut
Put a peach pit lump in my throat
Of you
With her.
Kissing passionately
Putting love on display
Even though you told me you hate PDA.
And then I realized what our “love” was for:
Even if I wasn’t who you wanted,
I helped you find who you do,
And now you can love her more.
And I’m grateful for that.
Truly, I am.
Your new love wouldn’t be so good
If you were never my man.
And as for my love?
Now I’m sure I can.
We were meant to be
Meant to teach each other
the wild love we wanted
But could never tether together.

~kb
550 · Nov 2018
A Hit to the Chest
kbww Nov 2018
The world can get so dark.
And then a stranger tells you
you’re beautiful,
and you realize
they meant it.

And for a brief moment,
I actually felt a part of this world.

~kb
549 · Sep 2018
Dirty Hinges
kbww Sep 2018
Feet hang lazily
As I finish my stitching
Canvas skin limp limbs

Burnt leaves for a brain
A heavy hinged hollow box
Becomes a fresh heart

I’ve sewn me a boy
One that cannot run away
One that wants to stay

I program his mind
To connect only with mine
Lock love in the box

Run hands down the threads
Awaken him from his sleep
Eyes open in fear

Graze hands down soft throat
Stir his chords let him speak free
Fill lungs with a kiss

It’s my ragdoll boy
My best friend and my lover
And I have his key

He just looks at me
“Don’t be scared you are my love”
I tell him gently

“What am I doing?
I’m not supposed to be here
I don’t even know you”

Desperate staring
He looks scared and so confused
I don’t understand

“I stitched you gently
You are my perfect man now
Together in love

You will be happy
I can show you everything
I will be your muse”

I filled up his mind
Put all my love in his heart
What did I do wrong?

“My love cannot be
Forced by you or your stitches
Or locked in a box

My mind is my own
I don’t want you to change it
I want to be me

You cannot just make
The perfect boy to love you
Life doesn’t work that way”

I shuddered with chill
My own stitched up heart races swells
Tingles to the tips

I split the seams open
Rip out the tattered heart box
Watch him hit the floor

My hands are tremors
Shaking over the keyhole
I open the box

Nothingness and hollow
Dirt hinges and fine cracks
Have emptied my love

I had filled the box
With all of my own soul’s love
So now I’m empty too

I will lay down now
Next to my tattered doll boy
Together in heartlessness

Within my soul’s death
A black truth that I cannot
Make someone love me

Mind scurries with thoughts
That I cannot love myself
And that’s the worst part.

~kb
496 · Jan 2019
Makeshift Nature
kbww Jan 2019
Midnight gives beauty away to the cityscape
Skyline lights not even comparable  
To the space above them
The smell of plants opening for sustenance

Clouds pour down their dismay
Flowers appear in curious places
Fill desolate places with colors of promise
A smog filled fog threatens existence
The city destroys light’s beauty once more

Start the car and drive to distant fields
Surrounded by haunted trees
bellowing as the wind picks up
Set on fire by firework skies
Cold breaths and a colder chest
Burning trees a warmth to
frozen foliage and fingers
Fixated intently on the silence
The silence of being alone with the world
Calming as an owl’s call
And the most deafening absence of the city
Hoarding sparks thrown in the trunk of the
Car to save for those cursed blocked nights

Lay back on the bathroom floor
Load hoarded stars onto a skylight
Escape the city inside pretending
This tile floor is a field fixing me to it
Cut the circuit breaker
Bathe in beams of the galaxy
City can carry on in the wake
Of this makeshift nature
It’s fluorescence isn’t welcome here

~kb
444 · Dec 2018
Formal Education
kbww Dec 2018
Thought, idea, word.
Bunny ears and first steps
Linguistic infant
Stumble on low terrain
One foot by one foot dance
Path blind but revealing
Thoughts hold hands with scenery
Eclectic feigned phrases
Turn the page
Tumble down rock and teachings
Start at asystole
Pen shocking to hands
Old writings reread and revived
Thought, idea, word take new shape
Teachers molding their disciples

~kb
419 · Nov 2018
Fear not
kbww Nov 2018
One of people’s biggest fears
is being afraid to die.
They’re not afraid of death,
they’re afraid of losing life.
So if you ask me if I’m afraid of death
I’ll have to tell you no,
because I’d have to be afraid
of losing something I don’t know.

~kb
415 · Mar 2019
Opinions are Useless
kbww Mar 2019
You’re a pacifist yet,
war sins in your skin
Mist of sick sweat
thin and diluted
Voice has been muted
Clued in and clueless,
opinions are useless
Divisions of truths
and selfish intentions
used and mentioned
to muse attention
in confused directions
Not a fuse or spark
can perfuse the dark
misused as protection

~kb
409 · Mar 2019
One More
kbww Mar 2019
Pain from past tense;
heart holds a tense past,
making my next first kiss
undoubtedly my last

~kb
374 · Mar 2019
More
kbww Mar 2019
Life is all just more or less,
equal when times are right
Wrongly, I’ve become obsessed
with less more in this fight

More is a word for not enough;
please don’t ever want more of me
Weak and just a tad too rough
not enough is what I get to be

It’s why when I give you the most
the worst comes into play
I’d love to be your gracious host,
but most swallowed my best today

Better than I’ve ever been,
worse than more of you
Equal in most times of sin
when more is right on cue

~kb
357 · Mar 2021
Sky Symmetry
kbww Mar 2021
There has to be some sort of
symmetry my soul is missing.
It seems I see the gore that
endlessly grows on within me.
I also see the lights of
actuality and love.
But calls from me for sight
in reality get lost above.
I know someone is listening
beyond the words I pray:
if so, the sun will glisten
neon rays on me someday.
Until this time, I travel the sky,
the moon to light my way.
And in this rhyme, I unravel why
I wish soon to sight the day.

kbww
336 · Sep 2018
Cell
kbww Sep 2018
I think I’m falling for you
You made the perfect catch
Swallowed up in your arms
We instantly attach
You praise me with gifts
My heart shifts and I’m sure
That this pure love between us
Is what I’ve been waiting for
Your compliments and kisses
Shut inside my heart’s door
Then one day
out of the blue
Like unfixed glue my body slips through
The arms that hold me no more
Drop me hard to the floor
And I look up to find
eyes I’ve never seen before
Then quickly you change
Call the drop something strange
An accident and
It would never happen again
Months turn to weeks and the dropping
Continues
Showing every bruise I now use
Myself to pull me up
His arms have gone lax
And I’m too weak to stand
And I realize then
I’m controlled by a man
All the drops were to weaken
My body my heart
So a start with new love
I could never take part
So I sit in my cell of this hell
Here on earth
Because I let a man
Tell me my worth

~kb
333 · Oct 2018
Proving Telepathy True
kbww Oct 2018
There’s this nerve occurrence
That happens in the brain
When you think of something
And at the same time feel pain
Or pleasure or love or
Complete distain
Emotion touches thought
At the very same time
And your body can feel
The brain to body rhyme
Like when you think it might be cold
And feel a chill on your back
A simultaneous attack
Leaves you racked with feeling
Or when you stare up at the ceiling
From your bed and covers
Imagining lovers entwined
And at the same time
Your body shudders
An ****** sensation
The same time as the thought
Has you caught and overcome
Tongue lips lips in a
Cry for someone
And I wonder what becomes
Of the thoughts I have
And you
I mean
Do you feel them too
When I think them at you
And is it true
Can our bodies’ synapses
Become adaptable
Is it practical to think
That you can feel
In real time when I think it
Because if so
Then you know
What I think about you
And then we can finally
prove telepathy true
And if you feel that love
That I think when I see you
Then I can’t help but wonder
Why I don’t feel yours too.

~kb
319 · Mar 2019
Lucid Blue
kbww Mar 2019
Opaque, sapphire breath a fire to lungs
in this month to month crystal cover

March clover search is over
and I arch my wicked spine
ready for straight flame summer
Blue to you and life to me, this lucid dream, how it seems and what it is:
vast differences,
past inferences
change future scenarios and how it goes depends on me and if I believe
this dream came true or can some day
Or if I’m fixed in place this way,
catatonic and observant,
inner cosmic vibrations ensure that
oxygen levels have changed in my bloodstream
been replaced by obscene traces
of the dream I’m supposed to be chasing,
pacing this galaxy in my body to find
tails of trails that fail to exist
Amidst the inner midnight blue,
I’ve forgotten dreams,
sink like glue into my limbs
Think new sentences and synonyms
Links to letters that enter these rows,
create a new slow tempo of meanings,
rhythm intervening, leaning low

Body owed this lucid euphoria
Glass mind, and a smoky blue aura

~kb
317 · Mar 2019
Daydream Living
kbww Mar 2019
Eyes cross as I
stare lost in this
jolt of creamy beans

Dream off into
future films through
fake reality scenes

Glaze remains on
eyes detained by
muse of distant dreams

Walk through the day
crudely this way and
ripping at the seams

Stay in line and
maybe time will
reveal the ways and means

Until then it’s
just pretend and
life inside a daydream

~kb
311 · Nov 2018
Noise
kbww Nov 2018
It’s like
the whole world
went silent,
yet it’s so deafening here.

~kb
303 · Dec 2018
Get Up
kbww Dec 2018
I’m having a difficult time here, you see,
my mind keeps bartering my reality
for a few hits of bliss and impulsive bruises
and a subsequent list of bad excuses
I’ve been here before it’s what diseases do
But I know the cure and who to talk to

I dial my friend with vibrating fingers
A sweet soft hello gently lingers
My voice box has shut off there’s no remote
Streams of tears down to my throat
“What’s wrong honey are you okay?”
No I say in an angry way
I’ve ******* up again and can’t get it back
This life is just one vicious attack
I don’t know where to go or what to do
She softly laughs, “Yes you do.”
“You’ve felt this despair before
But I have to laugh at what you look for
You have conquered this demon in the past
Stop ******* about it and get off your ***
Start doing the things that bring integrity
Start going to places you used to find peace
But stop blaming your disease
Just beacuse it brings you more ease
And please start letting
Something spiritual in
Let go of false control and gain some new
Enlightenment.”

I hung up the phone nothing to say
Tomorrow will be the newest of days.

~kb
296 · Aug 2018
Jade
kbww Aug 2018
She said,
“Give me your sadness
you don’t need it here.
Dry your tears, lose your fear, you know
I will always be here.
You always used to tell me
that I saved your life.
Those dark times were rough
you held me so tight.

But what I need you to know now
is how you’ve helped me,
so your journey can be free in your thoughts of me.
You would tell me you loved me
and show it even more.
From special cooked meals to wrestling on the floor.
You kept me warm at night, and cooled my head when I got a little heated.
And even now at the end, I still don’t feel defeated.

I had you in my life every step of the way.
From the birth of my children to this
dying day.
You have never failed to make me happy,
I just hope I can look down
and see you happy, too, and help you through the frowns.
I’ll look below, you look above.
Know that I’m there, and we still have
our love.”

She never spoke a word as she said this to me,
just those eyes that I gazed in said all that was needed.
A paw on my hand and a last wag of her tail,
I watched her pass, and began to wail.
I composed myself,
ready to face new fears.
As I stumbled outside, I dried my tears,
and I looked above, because she told me to.
And I could hear her saying,
“Don’t you worry, I’m here with you.”
282 · Mar 2019
Rest, darling
kbww Mar 2019
I hear you crying, darling
Pillow stained with tepid tears
I’ve spoken many ‘sorries’,
wordy weights for fragile ears

Youth abducted by this mess
Rehearsed faces to survive
Reddened bracelets to impress
demons comfortable inside

Promises prove hard to hold;
heavy burdens, arms grow weak
Taken by a mind so bold:
Vocal chords go mute to speak

Falling down while growing up,
never takes the easy way
Grave tightrope she stands atop,
tends to fall one way each day

Balancing while punching ghosts,
falls the wrong way off this rope
Rest is best, stay numbly dosed
Darling, sleep and dream of hope

~kb
kbww Oct 2018
She cries, but alone
to no one and for nothing.

She weeps for her sorrows,
but to see them would be impossible

there are none to look upon.
She is in tears, in her head, but drops

of blood only appear. The reddish
lament of broken hearts, broken dreams,

broken promises and broken looks. She
waits, only for her horse, to take her,

anywhere but here.

~kb
I wrote this poem in 2003: I was 15 years old.
254 · Aug 2018
Crutch
kbww Aug 2018
"Defeated.
Head held high yet deep inside
depleted.
Energy lost followed by mind
I see it.
The slow decline heart slows and I've
retreated.
This life has come to a standstill standoff
between thoughts and lies and truths and I
get heated.
Hope becomes an open sore
just heal it.
Talk at me til’ I get bored and start
Stealing
Your thoughts and lies and truths
make them mine until I
believe it.
Feed me, fuel me, fix me, just until I can
Defeat it."
                                  -k b~
253 · Dec 2018
Everything’s Not Green
kbww Dec 2018
You can turn anything into a positive
Whatever makes life easier
follow that logic
But don’t go turning red flags green
Don’t convince yourself they’re nice
just because you wanna be mean
Don’t get trapped on the Xanax and lean
Because it helps make positivity
a nice little screen
Between you and real life
And the desperately obscene
Positivity makes everything look green
It can change lives and distort others
False ideals create
fallen sisters and brothers
People that thought they
could live like another
Don’t be naive and let
false truths be covered
Be true to yourself and if it’s not you, run
The shadows still exist in the sun

~kb
244 · Dec 2018
Ready to Fall
kbww Dec 2018
Almost forgot how to do this.
Concealer then foundation,
or the other way around?
I shouldn’t be doing this this isn’t me.
What am I
thinking?
Ugh, just get ready.
No wonder this takes so long
it’s filled with too much dialogue
and thought.
Criticizing every pore on your face
takes time
but they need the pep talk to act right.
Brown or blue... who
am I kidding? I’m not the owner
of some symmetrical bone structure
I don’t even have eyebrows,
how could I think blue would be an option?
Smokey eye and lung
put out my smoke on my tongue
while I tease a last little hair in the mirror,
like it won’t fall
exactly where I don’t want it to again.
Like I won’t fall
exactly where I don’t want to again.

~kb
241 · Feb 2019
Humble Embraces
kbww Feb 2019
Pondering how the shape of your lips
can bend so perfectly around mine
Tracing I love you into my left palm
as you rightly kiss the other
And I’m smothered by your
smoldering eyes,
iris sighs make me swoon
A bend of light comes
through this room
hits hair making shadowed lines
on soft skin, and a softer smile
turns straight and humble
Not a mumble as I feel your breath
shake the hairs above my lip with heat
Silence slips between moaning faces,
intimate energy intimately embraces,
leading hearts and trembling hands
to pulsing intimate places

~kb
239 · Mar 2021
Apologetically Yours
kbww Mar 2021
I’m sorry I’m so distant.
I’m sorry for these pains.
I’m sorry for these instances.
I’m sorry life’s insane.
I’m sorry on behalf
of this wayward universe.
I’m sorry that my path
sometimes seems to be reversed.
I’m sorry that you suffer
as a result of my own struggle.
I’m sorry there’s no lover
in your arms to hold and cuddle.
I’m sorry I’m not healing
as quickly as I desire.
I’m sorry my mind’s reeling,
but my heart is full of fire.
I’m sorry that my kiss
missed your lips of rosy pearls.
I’m sorry,
but I promise,
I’m never sorry I’m your girl.  

kbww
233 · Dec 2018
Angels and Demons
kbww Dec 2018
An angel and demon
Sit on each shoulder
They’ve grown to be friends
As I’ve gotten older
The proverbial good and bad
Have intermixed their beliefs
The devil’s on his knees
The angel becomes a thief
So I no longer have
That beside ear calm
Just arguing opinions
No sideline psalm
I’m even more confused
Than I was before they came
Darkness now matched with light
I’ll never be the same

~kb
233 · Nov 2018
Physiology
kbww Nov 2018
You don’t have to know
The ways the body runs round
To know the soul gives the heart life
It’s what makes the sound
Of love just beginning
Or making an end
Or a dream coming true
A relationship on the mend
The soul makes the heart beat
Faster or slower
When you feel on top of the world
Or couldn’t get any lower

~kb
232 · Nov 2018
Dim Light
kbww Nov 2018
Seeking my mind
Hoping to find
A shred of dim light
Get me through one more night
The run and hide game
Played by my brain
Has me crawling in pain
Seeking light once again
Just a glimmer of hope
Ankles bent and broke
Outstretched arms on the floor
Graze demons’ dark gore
This shadow touching
Is usually nothing
But this night feels eerie
And I’m far too weary
To take them on
Their hiding places gone
They’ve woken up
I’m on the floor curled up
Tonight won’t be a night
When I can reach the light
So I’m prepared their long
Drawn out deafening song
And my eyes won’t close
Until the sun shows

~kb
219 · Jan 2019
Plastic Men
kbww Jan 2019
Sick with it
Spun and done
Get on with your negative nature
Spew insults after being kind
Swallowing others’ egos
Creature posing as a man
needs to work on posing stance
Deceit seeps through pores
glorified saying you’re moisturized
Burn you down eyes gouge out
Realize that fake are made of plastic
Puddle of a little man, where’s your ego now?

~kb
218 · Dec 2018
Fully Emptied
kbww Dec 2018
My mind’s eye has cataracts
I’m remembering facts that haven’t happened yet
Like a dog understanding it can’t understand the human’s command
I turn my head to see better
Watching invisible words
play out in visual verbs
Clouded and disturbed
Starting to match incompatible feelings
with compatible meanings
Based on what I’m seeing
But that ****** fog
A chemical atmosphere inside my skull
it’s way too full
and it’s emptying me
Eye is blackening
Pull the plug in back of me
so I can finally see
this fog leave
and the wreckage I have left to clean

~kb
205 · Feb 2019
The Two of Me
kbww Feb 2019
Separation anxiety with myself;
terrified of the gloom girl leaving
Weaving new webs that stick like oil,
slick and coiled, stalling bereavement
Trepidation on angles of light and shadow
Yin, yang, Confucius confusion
Desires remain: stitched scars with light,
wings blacker than dots on dominos

Arachnid, I yearn to spark my molting,
space far too cluttered for this luxury;
huddled masses between my ears,
symphony of failures, always off key
Continuing a battle of lost meanings
I ail only to be impaled by doubt
Version two is a ruse I’m magnetized to:
Reckless instructions, emotions black out

Light might have to wait for an ominous cue,
twist, tight gripped, pull version one through
Polish worn, rough edges, forgive version two
Frail, tragic little girl;
failed to claw her way out


~kb
202 · Dec 2018
Sorry
kbww Dec 2018
I’m sorry I can’t be more positive for you
My life just seems like it’s coming unglued
For a woman of strength and fortitude
My mind seems to have an attitude
I’m not ungrateful,
I’ve carried my crosses
I’ve made my gains but keep
Comin’ up with losses
And it might seem strange
But I kind of like it here
I like to reflect on
the girl in the mirror
She’s hopelessly hopeful
And tries to be vocal
The pain she endures
They don’t understand but ensure
That it’ll all be ok
Knowing that’s just what they say
When nobody knows
My subconscious grows
And I take it all back
Now I know all the facts
This isn’t my fault it’s a
Brain assault and I’m
Not sorry
Anymore
This brain is more
Than who I am
And if I can stand what
The darkness pushes out
You can stand the occasional pout
Just don’t ever tell me to smile
It’s pandering and just not my style


~kb
202 · May 2019
Mine
kbww May 2019
Exhausted beyond measure
yet the days are keeping time
Idled in the pleasure
of a soft unspoken rhyme
Dripping through the letters
seeps a meaning I call mine
Uninterested in whether
words can easily combine

~kb
201 · Dec 2018
Chasing Your Tail
kbww Dec 2018
Everybody wants their purpose
Like there’s only one
Like circumstances don’t change
And purpose remains on the run
Five years ago
I knew what my purpose was
And today I still know
What my purpose does
It shifts to the time
To the here and now
Then was different
The future is a blind somehow
If I know my purpose changes
To the place I now sit
I can sit still in peace
Knowing I finally found it

~kb
198 · Dec 2018
Owls
kbww Dec 2018
There’s a couple of owls
That sit near my house
Every single day

There’s actually five
I’ve seen them before
But only two seem to want to stay

There’s nothing quite like
Sounds of owls at night
Calming cool dark air

The pitch and the words
Of this ineffable bird
Warms my heart beyond compare

~kb
196 · Sep 2019
Habitual Symmetry
kbww Sep 2019
I have two internal measures
for the way that I behave;
a mental slave to personalities
conflicting through the day
and I particularly hate
when both collide
in times of stress,
one's a mess, the other’s message
slides under messy depressive
states of habit I’ve constructed
to survive and mime reality,
unrelenting muscle memory
devised from grooves in symmetry
through brain and grained gray matter
a pattern cyclically repeats
and I’m defeated just before
I get to stand on my own feet.

~kb
Living with mental illness #yourenotalone
195 · Jan 2019
Fear Driven
kbww Jan 2019
The pain of sickness
Knows nothing of time
But it surely finds its place

Snuggles deep inside
Warm bodies to grow
Has a distinguishing distorted face

People are scared
Of pain’s vast unknowns
No desire to become educated

Ignorance drives
Their initial responses
And it’s all become antiquated

Tell people you have
A physical ailment
They are driven to empathy

Tell people you have
A mental illness
Fear drives them to entropy


~kb
194 · Jan 2019
Let It Be
kbww Jan 2019
I’m not changing anything this year
That’s my resolution
I’m letting go of taking control
Seeking an informal absolution
I’m letting me forgive myself
And letting the world forgive me
I’m not following any direction
From the wrong energy

I’m letting my journey
Unfold like a letter
Knowing the story
Will only get better

The lines are written in invisible ink
More will be revealed
I will change when I can turn the page
And rest to best be healed

~kb
192 · Jan 2019
One Other Soul
kbww Jan 2019
Sometimes, I don’t want to be a poet
These strange rearranged phrases in my brain would turn me insane if I didn’t
write them down but, I feel like this
clown who needs to follow the rules but forgot their red nose and huge shoes
I’m not writing blues and exposing my being to be ranked
like baseball teams in the spring;
my poems hold no stats or starting lineups just
the petrified words
of a sad grown little girl
that hopes one person feels the same
so lonely doesn’t
make me feel so alone anymore

~kb
189 · Dec 2018
Just For a Day
kbww Dec 2018
I want to show everyone
I can be light too
I just need to get some
Energy from you
Just enough for a day
I’d appreciate it greatly
You’re the only person
I haven’t taken it from lately

~kb
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