This poem was inspired by The Book of Eli. It’s a super good movie, and I love the symbolisms of faith. I think it gives a good picture of what it’s like to fully depend on God, and to truly live by faith rather than by sight. We are all walking blind in life, but most of us rather open our eyes and live within the realm of an apocalypse. But while I’m hear, I rather live by hearing the direction of God. My path is not clear, but I know the Lord is guiding me, because any moment I turn to Him, I can feel His presence, and I hear His voice, leading me step by step to finish the race.

I have never written a suicide note, but I’m sure a lot of you have been there. I never have planned to **** myself, but I have been in a mindframe that would spiritually **** me. Because we fancy the darkness, and we fantasize about what it’s like. Then, before we know it, if we’re not careful on how we think, we’re depressed. It goes something like that. But now, as I go back to the things I have written before, and I try to critique them or add on, it just doesn’t feel right. I’m in a different, much better place, and you can be too. It’s like that saying, “If you want out of the whole, first you have to put down the shovel.” You’re able to make it out of this depressed, suicidal, anxious mindframe, to a point where you can’t even turn back. But first, you have to lay down the gun. Things truly do get better, once you start to change your mindframe. I don’t like the saying, “Fake it until you make it.” But when you read my poems, I try to incorporate hope, even when I don’t feel it. And eventually, after searching for that hope, I found it. And it turns out it was right in front of me all along.

I wrote this back in December. I’ve used before the analogy of a car or driving to represent where I’m at in my faith, such as in “Cruise Control” or when I said before that I’m “far from home”. Here, I’m using it to say that I tried, myself, to get out of the darkness, or to live in the light of God. But I can’t do it by myself. If I had relied on my own strength, I would have still been dead spiritually. But God figuratively opened the garage door, or took me out of the darkness I was living in, and opened me up to the light. Now I’m able to take this vessel, me, and allow God to use it to bring His light to the world.