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823 · Jun 2018
Slow death by guilt
Aixela Jun 2018
I think guilt might be killing me.
Now you may ask yourselves: "What did I do to feel so?"
- **** someone?
No. Nothing so radical.
In fact, nothing that might actually warrant this level of guilt.

Misplaced guilt is like my personal ******* -
an addiction that my brain can't get rid of, constantly calling to be fed.
I latches on every small mistake
Sinks its claws deep into the marrow of my bones
and stews for a very long time -
whilst my brain vainly strives towards perfection.
182 · Jan 2019
You try to reach out to me
Aixela Jan 2019
You try to reach out to me
to help me
I see it in your troubled- burdened eyes
Hear it in the fragile- desperate tone of your voice
the slump of your shoulders
It never works
yet you still try
and your faith keeps me going.
Your (un)wavering love has become my lifeline-
the unbreakable bond that grounds me,
because I could not bear the guilt of your pain
and I sometimes wonder what would happen without it.

You try to reach out to me
but you still don't understand
I hear it in the harmful words you meant to be kind
I feel it in the gentle push forward that has me falling ******* the ground
and I try to reach out
to meet you halfway,
I really do-
but how could you understand
when I don't understand it myself.
I wonder if I ever will, if you ever will
but I know you'll keep trying
and so will I

— The End —