Stop.
You can't love me because you're lonely/
Or because  you're bored/
Or because  I am the only person who doesn't **** you off/

I want to **** you off/
I want to get on your ******* nerves/
I don't want the responisibility of/
always being your rock/

I  will try/
But I'm a mess too/
I lie, I sleep too much/
and i feel unworthy of love most of the time/

Truthfully/

I'm terrified of the idea of having kids/
because I'm selfish/
and mothers can't be selfish/
once they decide to carry another life/

I am always looking for the rain to come/
so i can trip over my own feet/
I know exactly how/
the air smells before a storm/

Before you fall in love with me/
I want you to know/

I cry a lot/
because it feels good/
I ******* at least 4 times per week/
and you might fall out of love with me before/
either of us are ready for it/

I have no experience with this.

I'm trying to be brave/
and smart/
but it's almost impossible to be both/
at the same time/

You can't love me like a fire escape/

Sometimes i will be the match/
or the smoke/

i don't know what I'm doing/
all i know is that/
we catch fire sometimes/
before we get warm/

Before you fall in love with me/
I want you to know/

That there is a 50% chance that/
this won't work/
that one of us will end up/
hating the other/

I will try/
to keep your head above the water/
but sometimes/
I will need help too/

I can't be your savior/
And/
I don't expect you to be mine/

Just watch me unfold/
and/
i'll watch you unfold too/

we'll get drunk/
and/
tell each other/
everything/

I know that's cheating but maybe it'll be alright.

Maybe we won't wake up embarressed.

I am going to fall in love with you/
too/
feet first/

Maybe we'll slow dance off a building/
together/
maybe we'll have forgotten each others names by/
this time next year/

I don't care/

the sky is grey with or without you/

so im not going to look up anymore/
im going to look ahead.

there was a week
where everything crumbled around me
and the deaths of two i loved
changed me

there was a week
where you could find me in only two places
wrapped up in my duvet
or in a white sterile room

there was a week
where i didn't think i could cope
tears multipled, as did cuts
but i'm still here.

Sometimes I like to lie to myself
And let my imagination run wild about where we would be
If I’d stayed.
It always comes back to one moment
One
Singular moment
Your blue eyes on mine
You pulling me in slow
Steady
Eyes close
Head on your chest
My hands grasping handfuls of your shirt


Breathe in.