SL - Hello Poetry

SL Nov 9

Amidst my pain, I'm a machine
A vessel for everyone's endless whine
A call the mother makes, her voice so clear
Monique's illness, her own despair
She pours it all our without a care

My agony cast aside like usual
As I'd my suffering is but a ride
I'm a dispenser of sympathy
A shoulder to cry on endlessly
But where can I find my own release
In this one-sided exchange, I find no peace

Her words flow freely like a rivers tide
But mine are pushed aside
I'm but a vessel, a tool to be used
My own needs and feelings utterly refused

Oh mother, why are you so selfish to not hear my scream
The pain in my voice, that I carry deep inside

I'm not a machine, I'm flesh and bone
With feelings that you seem to disown
So here I am, a HUMAN VENDING MACHINE
Dispensing empathy

I've started writing as it is the only way I feel. The pressure that I am under because of the "happy" daughter and used a vending machine. Trying to find my voice to stand up to those who have continued to hurt me with silence and abandonment that these two people have done.

#finallywriting #standupforyourself #youareimportant #letyourselffree #familyproblems

SL Apr 30

Ghost

I'm a ghost, slowly disappearing
From this terrible world
A world full of opinionated and judgefull people
The say the hardest simple thing to make my life harder
Yet i am just able to stand up for myself
Just a simple ghost passing through this world
Hopefully I will be skinny enough
To pass through everyone

I'm not great with my mental health

SL Feb 9

Who Am I

Deep into the darkness of my head
Multiple individuals came nearing
These are slowly becoming clearer
These individuals started to have
Their own say of what they can do
Suddenly I didn't know who I am
WHO AM I??
Am I rude, a selfish person or an evil one
Or is it the opposite
Am I knid, caring, helpful
I honestly doubt it's the second one
When I wake or come back into light
All I questioned
Is Who Am I

Having people tell me who I am or not. It's hard to know who someone is

#fake #face #mental #health

SL Oct 2023

Trying to Write again

One afternoon I said to myself,
"Why isn't the timeless more profane?"
A timeless is sacrosanct. a timeless is spiritual,
a timeless is numinous, however.

A creative, however hard it tries,
Will always be part.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the creative,
Gently it goes - the whole, the all, the component.

How happy is the wooly charismatic!
Does the charismatic make you shiver?
does it?

SL Oct 2023

What is in my head

Looking outside and all
I see is chaos
The wind howling through
The apartment that I live in
It looks and sounds like
The chaos in my head
The dripping of rain
Are silent but still there
These are my tears
That fall down my face
Onto the pillow in my room
Where no one is with me.

What my life is like with fighting the silent but chaotic parts of me.

#mentalhealth #losingmybattle #silenceisthekey

SL Oct 2023

The Silent

Silently screaming out loud
No one can hear me
No one can see me suffer
I am slowly running out
Out of air to breathe
Every tear I have cried
Sits on my pillow
The pillow that no one sees
The silent cry for help
I say that I am fine
But I'm dying on the inside
What happens if my silence
Is the thing that kills me
Life is life
Death is inevitable
I welcome it everyday

I have been off line for a while. This is mental health awareness of how the silence of the question are you ok?

#mentalhealth #asilentbattle

SL Oct 2022

What is a mother?

What is a mother?
I thought a mother was meant to be there for you
Not to have favourites
But I was wrong
I never had a mother
A mother is meant to be caring and understanding
But my one isn't
She is not my mother she is just another person
That does not give a crap about me
I finally realise that
She is not there for me and never has
Yeah sure having a dead daughter
But then having a daughter who really is so codependent
Where in her heart can she fit me in
She does not have the capacity
I take soo many pills at night to get Sleep
I thought that she would have changed since Dad died
But she didn't
My hopes of having a mother is gone
I am just the disappointment daughter
Or as she calls me a burden
What type off mother would call their own daughter that
I guess the one I have
I am a burden hence why I try to **** myself everyday
I might actually succeed this time
I don't want to be a part off this so called family
Listen to surface pressure
I am the daughter
I am not the oldest
Everyone thinks the song is about being the oldest sibling
But I am the youngest
Life is not fair but she does not give a **** about me
This is me signing off for the last time

I am done with so many people who don't even care what I am going through