during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
******
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.

it's the same as before
or the other time
or the time before that.
here's a ****
and here's a ****
and here's trouble.

only each time
you think
well now I've learned:
I'll let her do that
and I'll do this,
I no longer want it all,
just some comfort
and some ***
and only a minor
love.

now I'm waiting again
and the years run thin.
I have my radio
and the kitchen walls
are yellow.
I keep dumping bottles
and listening
for footsteps.

I hope that death contains
less than this.

The sun was bright and the breeze was nowhere to be found.
I sat alone but that wasn't a bad thing.

The peace I needed was not what a average man desired .
Most of those I knew had lovers , wives, family's , jobs that paid well and destroyed there souls all the same .

I had no responsibilities some thought this wrong.

I had once had a woman.
I in truth had known the comfort of many.

I loved one she no longer thought the same.

I never settled for something else when I could have that which I desired .

I didn't know freedom we all have our boundaries.
But sometimes alone in the silence I knew a peace few ever could .

I had the page and that was good enough for now .

Now if only I had a cool breeze and a cold drink then you probably wouldn't be reading this.

For life is always best lived not written about.

This was simply a pit stop and nothing more .

Cheers.

dont confuse class with circumstance
coincidence can happen to the richest man
for many a king has faced catastrophe
lost their heads holding a hand out in defeat
better men than them need to eat

If you are a suicide survivor
Inbox me your name
And I’ll add it to my tattoos of others

You guys mean the world to me
And I have my own name on my arm
Because I too, am a suicide survivor.

Almost there we can see Dry land
An open door from a helping hand
All those years in that deadly trap
We are moving on no turning back .
The future seems much brighter now
It's time to smile and stand up proud .
The past it seems has left its mark
But there's always light after dark.
So now we see new pastures green
No more nightmares, only dreams.
We took a chance standing on the ledge
Risking our lives close to the edge
We know that there are many more
Who are heading for that opened door
So come on friends and take that hand
And let it help you find dry land.