In a government job
People do whatever they want
And don’t care if they’re wrong
In the private sector
Workers do whatever their manager wants
And don’t care if they’re wrong

A blinding light
Blocked my sight
A pervasive plight
That invades my life
Then degrades to night

The light is you
In a darkened zoo
Where my hatred grew
Until you shined through

You emanate a warm aura
More fragrant than God’s flora
Teaching more than God’s Torah
So you’re like my god sort of

When I talk to you
I feel love in my heart
So to avoid stalking you
Our ways I do part

I think of you constantly
Like you’re haunting me
Dauntingly
Taunting me

Your face
And smile
Show grace
For miles
So I race
To exile

But your hair shining brown
Like an earthy crown
Rules my town
Pushing me down
Underground

I hear you everyday
I hear everything you say
I hear your beauty
I hear you rebuke me
Like it’s your duty
To cut right through me

I see you everyday
Through the fray
Of swirling grey
In my heart
And my soul
I fall apart
And grow old

I tell myself I’m just waiting
I tell myself I’m still looking
But I’ve been self hating
Ever since you shook me

I look at the night sky
And ask God why
I can’t just fly
Away from this guy
So I just start to die
In this love I’m capsized
Wailing these laugh cries

I can’t love anyone else
So instead I just melt
This is the pain you’ve dealt
By just being yourself

I’m a performing circus bear
Traveling the world with my master
Who treats me as an equal
So we are comfortable companions
And make an amazing team
Performing spectacular shows for rabid audiences
Who don’t appreciate our effort
They try to antagonize and diminish us
But we remain stoic
Until today
A heckler grabs my ear
My feral nature gets the best of me
So I snap at them
I instantly realize my mistake
And so does my master
He shakes his head and walks away
Leaving me heartbroken
Without my only friend and protector
My overwhelming regret and sorrow make no difference
I’m reminded of where I stand with humans
As they euthanize me

You say you have chronic fatigue
I respond with so do I
You say I’m not in your league
The difference is I try

You say you have a disease
So you can stay on your knees
And beg and plead
For sympathy
Then you gatekeep
Based on sleep
So I can’t make a peep
Unless I’m curled in a heap

You have problems
But you abuse this
When you don’t solve them
They turn into excuses
You’re a hypochondriac
In a cycle so black
Your mind is cracked
From panic attacks

I’m not here to jeer
Those paralyzed by fear
But once you are near
I meet your whiny leer
As you show a clear lack of empathy
Saying no one else understands depression
I constantly feel it enter me
I just don’t make the same concessions

I don’t mind if you take medicine
For your head to win
Against the grim
But don’t tell me you have it worse
From your self imposed curse
Living in the back of a hearse
Because when I say you should stop running
I see a shitstorm coming
With war drums drumming
Showing energy that’s stunning
I guess it was reserved for hunting

I experience immobilizing aches throughout my life
I experience headaches
That make me not want to think
I experience stomachaches
That make me not want to move
I experience heartaches
That make me not want to feel
All of these aches steer me away from living my life
And the only aspirin is living that fleeting life as I veer off course

You entered my life
When I was centered in strife
So you mentored me right
And invented the light

You were okay with my flaws
You were okay with my sappiness
You introduced me to God
You introduced me to happiness

You’re the shepherd
I’m the *****
Who’s ways were tempered
In the holy sector

You gave me a prize
By making things clearer
So I can look in my eyes
When I look in the mirror

You have given a gift
Of a life lift
Paradigm shift
Removing spit
Where I sit

Your inner peace
And inner beauty
Are within reach
And flow through me

So this foal hobbles
Behind its role model
Drinking the whole bottle
To match your bold throttle

I wake up in the morning
To thunderclouds forming
Afraid of future storming
I live my life forlornly

My life is like whiskey in the jar
It doesn’t have to go very far
To be turned into ****
After the mark I miss
It’s the dark I kiss

I’m Mister Useless
With a blistered bruised wrist
Getting slapped with a ruler by the ruler
Which is an anger fueler
So I don’t want another
Which is why I can’t find a lover

I’m trash
I’m garbage
I’m collapsed
And tarnished

Today was a day
But I threw it all away
Like a bullet in the fray
I feel the fullest when I stray
So I cram my gullet with dismay

It’s undeniable
That I’m unreliable
My company isn’t viable
So I lay in a silent hole
While I’m sleeping
The reaper is reaping
And the keeper is keeping
Happiness from those weeping

I didn’t learn anything new
After I learned to lose
And blame the Jews
As my bigotry grew
I accepted easy answers
About those I don’t like
I say they’re sinful cancer
And I’m always right

I become extremely hateful
Yet expect people to like me
When I’m constantly distasteful
They just want to fight me
Which I say is beneath me
Because victory is unlikely
I’d probably catch a beating
From God trying to smite me

All I want is sympathy
Not to see things differently
Because no one interests me
Because I’m never listening
I live my life in a crate
So they must carry my weight
So I can carry my hate
While I constantly deflate
And underrate
Anything great

I feel so lonely
Won’t someone hold me
While I treat them coldly?