Brains out
   wired wrong
Inclined to see the dark
     And shadows
       But
   We forget
That we only see shadows
     because the sun was shining
And we only know sweet joy
   Because we tasted
     Bitter pain

I want to lie down and hug my pillow for a minute
I want to lie down and forget the world and what is in it
I want to lie down and my crazy thoughts derail
I want to lie down and deeply just exhale
I want to lie down and close my eyes to rest
I want to lie down and feel the dark's caress
I want to lie down and forget about it all
I want to lie down and listen to that voiceless call
I want to lie down and forget these ruby laced wrist
I want to lie down and simply not exist

©Pauline Russell

Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah

Goals
Area managers
Deadlines

Blah blah blah
This is her life

Lady next to me
Blah black blabbing

Andre's team
Blah blah blah

Gabby
Has been in the role
For 6 and 7 months

Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah

You look like a light-colored satin
Stars f
          a
            l
              l on your caramel hair
Your laureate crown is permanent

You walk fast as a local feline
L'Empereur far from his throne
You look disoriented
You look tired

It's nightfalling
Resolution parts
The moon shines
Gold minds

Lace L'étoile
Jeune ace
Shiny sleeves

I go through a mirror
You're sitting in there
I hide carefully
Not to be alert
I have found myself again
Dreaming of you inside
The reflection of your mirror

At night my opal
                           sleeves are made of satin.

   - Codelandandmore// 6:00 PM ©

Suffocated by agony, dazed with confusion
Stuck in reality, that I'd druther be an illusion
Skinned alive, right straight down to raw emotion
Not a save harbor to be found, on my life's raging ocean
A living oxymoron, I'm raw to the touch but inside hollow
How much more will I be forced to swollow

I must be looking mighty strong
See the universe, keep piling it on
Can't anybody at all tell
Still in the middle of my living hell
Birds tweeting like nothings wrong
Mocking me with their sweet song

How much longer will I stand in front of life's curtain
Knowing only pain and sorrow are for certain
Drowning in the deepest darkest grief
Innocence, love, joy, and sanity, stolen by the thief
How much longer will it be till that final decision
Before it's made, that final incision

I must be looking mighty strong
See the universe, keep piling it on
Can't anybody at all tell
Still in the middle of my living hell
Birds tweeting like nothings wrong
Mocking me with their sweet song

Only a shadow of what I could of been
Being made to atone for mine and other's sin
I've tasted on my lips everything that could mar
Inside and out I wear the battle scars
Should I step behind the final veil
Slice myself out if this prison cell


©Pauline Russell

Slammed to the bottom of the hole
Where all broken spirits go
A lacerated soul
Rains silent tears that flow

Realizing, I'm now totally alone
Your not here to console
You lost your self-control
Without me you reached the goal

With anger and grief
For drugs I reach
A simple relief
Running away with your thief

©Pauline Russell