My heart hurts...
Mind aches and body shakes,
I feel empty
The penalties of love show
I try my best and yet never enough
Tough was my heart but now feels nothing
But hurt.

I feel used,
Abused in the psyche
Though it not be physical
It feels painful to the point of consistency...

In our fights I learn to forget
But my love holds animosity and fails
To let me forget...
He holds his anger on me
Like a knife to my throat
Only to remind me that
I am no longer in my own control...
I am hurt....

Was a cold windy morning
December of 2018
The sky was grey wind fell with dead leaves.
Standing in the kitchen I watched
Saw my friend on her back porch.
Looking up at the sky the wind had whisked
Filled air with moisture the feeling was bliss.

She stood as the sky and wind blew
Blew air around her, and how her hair had flew
While watching I noticed her smoking a vape
How that vape cloud, clouded her face.

I could see her staring at that sky
As darkened blue and grey
Pelted around feeling awry  
She was looking up
Stuck within deep thought.

As though she was sadly deepened
Or felt happy with a sent of weekend thought
Did she stare up within a deep thought?

What was she thinking?
Was it Past or the present?
Happy or sadness the feeling I guess....
Was indifferent.

She turned to see me staring out
Staring from the door
located directly behind her
Right from her back porch.

She asked what I was doing
As I stated "I saw that she was thinking"
She started cooking
Cooking for her and her ******* the couch
Stuffed green bell peppers with rice
The smell had smelled oh so nice.

Still looking at her aloof
From a supposed statement found a drupe
Now I stood around
Lost in my own thought
A deep thought that could only be found
And found it was not.

She was sitting there with her girl
The girl located beside her,
The ******* the couch.
And she smiled as she ate
Looking at her girl I could tell
That they had felt great!

As they finished eating; her girlfriend
Also my friend pine who had started smoking
Watching again from that back porch
That dark grey sky had turned so white
And As the snow fell, I felt a devilish delight.

Snow fell like marbles in the sky
Only deapend my thought and left me open
I could only look up to see the sky
To which the marbles dropped
And I could feel the smile
That she had felt; I guess I was feeling denial

It was a feeling of the season
Tis of joy with a Christmas feeling
Though it was cold I had felt warmth
Warmed by my deep thoughts
From the heart came the swarm
Of past and present

Seasons greeting and tis the seasons
For my friends and family
Deep thoughts were all but pleasing
Only I could tell from the distance
Of blood family and old friends
And for this I had felt greedy.

Still stuck within deep thought
The day would get better as sure as I thought
And it will because of the Christmas season
Yet for all of my dreaming
Did I feel beseeching from endless trots
And to **** the silence
From all of my deepest thoughts...

Take away the memories of the past
To bring happiness to the present
With that, the future holds great wonders
In our minds we see the better things
But with that must come feats.
So to all who read, keep this in mind.
And carry forward whatever's within your mind.

I am cold, the chilling winds.... the feeling ever so old
Told from the bottom of my heart, an endless story tears me apart
Like a sharp pointed tip from the end of a dart
Did stab through the pit of my cold black heart.

I'm alive on the out, but inside I'm dead throughout,
from the cold bitter wind continuing about
it numbs me to the point of a desperate feeling
wishing that I wasn't feeling so beaten.....

Now I wish I was Happy
Something once as told by my pappy
"Find your smile for something, you'll find that millionth mile"
and with that said there was no more denial.

Like a lonely pile adrift
Floating on the bluest seas, my conscious begins to drift
pushed by that cold chilling wind
discerned on an ocean discovered only in myth.

My broken body and mind freezes
Like a broken record that never stops rephrases
I'm alive by the cold biting wind
that never stops blowing
.....Or so it begins

The ticking the tockin
How the clock is never stopping
Stifled in a par time
My pumped up kicks are stomping
Looking around in a kolidascope
The emotion in the heart never fails
It only croaks
Time is of the essence
Pleasant yet indifferent
Different in what is and what isn't
Oh how the clock never stops
And time will never fail
Time only tocks

Walking all over the city streets
that silly buffoon cant stay on his feet
waving his arms like a silly man
drunk as sailor riding in a micro-bus minivan
Wearing his top hat and rugged white dress shirt
with black dress pants and a pair of loafers,
he pleases the ladies to which he flirts.
swinging his Cane in a circular motion
and singing loudly to a starlight commotion
he dances in the quarter with many a men
but the laddies join in only to commend
with the upbeat music so loud and obnoxious
the man lives in a limelight pulsus paradoxus
meaning that the man cant keep a beat
while hes skipping off merely into the street
with no one around to catch his fall
the man slowly pained by a party drain
to live in a limelight he cannot contain.
He falls asleep on the cold sidewalk city walk
to wake up to a new party in the incentive to a loud obnoxious talk
drunk witty and insane the man dressed like the rich
but in his own demise he was only but a frayed stitch
a showboat that the people could see right through
he was only a dreamer and lived in the limelight
to which he never outgrew.