i want to drive to your house
and say i'm sorry.
i didn't want to hurt you,
but i had to.

i want to lead you into the dark
where no one can find us
and finally tell you i love you
but it'd be useless.

i want to wipe your tears away.
make you understand,
and justify my actions.
but i don't have an explanation.

i want to kiss you.
to be close to you is to be happy.
we would both finally be happy.
but i don't deserve happiness.

Too numb and need to feel?
visit my steel friends under the mattress

Feeling too much and want to be numb?
visit my glass bottled friends hidden in my closet

Feeling stressed and need to settle down?
visit my smelly green friends, breathe them in slowly

Too many thoughts and can't sleep?
visit my friends in daddy's medicine cabinet, he won't notice

**what if I visited more than one friend at once?

Burning me up inside;

Feels like I'm being eaten alive

The razor crying out for me

"I'll make you feel happy"

My blood would drain

As I slowly go insane

Oh how I crave;

That soon-to-come day

When I finally give in

To the razor so sharp , yet so paper thin

Being happy? It's easy to pretend

when you're so close to the end

One cut, two cuts, three

Just one more please?

oh darling I loved you
i truly did
i loved your hair
your smiles
your laugh
your voice
but something wasn't right
not you
not me
something I can't quite explain
the red lines never give me any answers
neither do my mascara tears
or the songs I listen to on repeat
and on some days I wonder how stupid I could be to let you go
and others I agree with my reasoning that I'm better off alone.
darling I hope you know this wasn't easy for me
that I never intended to hurt you like I did
I never meant to place slashes on your body
or give a gaping hole in your chest
or make tears fall in the place where we used to lay
hell for all I know I haven't caused any of these
and I'm just full of myself.
as usual.
I could ramble forever about this
but for some reason every time I see you I can't speak words
none can express how sorry I am
or the feelings that led me to say the things I did
and do the things I did.
I hope things can go back to the way they were.
but I know that's nearly impossible.
and I still love
your hair
your eyes
your smile
your laugh
and your voice
but in the different way
the way that friends do.
and I miss the concert in the spring
and how our friendship was then
and how much fun we used to have.
I know the warmth we once had
has been shattered.
and try as I may to pick the glinting pieces up and put them back together again
and hope as I may to see us in the completed reflection
as those two stupid girls who used to sing songs in the hallways
I only slice my fingers deeper and deeper on the edges
and stain them darker and darker as my fingers desperately try to mend the wounds I've created
and through the blood and shards
I manage to put a few together
but all I see
is myself
staring back at me
with empty makeup eyes.

I know how the saying goes
Fall down seven times
Stand up eight
But I've come to the point where getting back up,
Isn't worth all this heartache

Make it hard to fall asleep because when I close my eyes
I remember
That night last week.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I remember the way you looked at me.
I remember the way you said my name.
I can still feel the hot prickles of your skin against mine.
I remember the taste of your kiss upon my...
              Lips
                  
                   Neck

                          Hips....

It wasn't supposed to mean anything...

    **So why do I suddenly still care so much