Turn Off The Lights

Turn Off The Lights Apr 2016

I remember waking up to a start
Panicked
Feeling your arm around me
My heart slowing down before speeding up again
Feeling your arm around me
And I kissed you...
...Your jaw...
...I didn't mean to
But I felt your arm around me
Comforting me
After a nightmare
And I kissed you
And you were awake
Startled by my movement
And you kissed me
You kissed my forehead
My heart
My heart almost burst open
That feeling
Nothing could compare
I just had had
My first kiss
And I almost wanted it to be my last
God,
I loved you so much, then
God,
I love you so much, now
When darkness sets in
And I wake up with a start
And I feel my heart beat beating
My cold sheets surrounding me
I let my mind wander back
To that kiss
And let me heart speed up
And let me heart swell up
Just before it crumbles again
**Under the weight of absence
Under the weight of silence

Turn Off The Lights Apr 2016

400 miles to go

In a month I will leave
In a month the distance will go
From a mile to 400
And I am not sure yet
How our goodbyes will go
How I will manage
How I won't break
How I won't try to tell you
Over and over again
Do not let me go gently into the good night
Do not
Let me
Go
And
I am not sure yet
If you decide to let me go
Can I be strong enough to leave it be?
In a month I will leave
And I am not sure yet
How my eyes will hold the ocean I held back for two years
How my arms won't try to sneak behind your back for one last hug
Before you let me go gently
Into the good night

#distance

Turn Off The Lights Apr 2016

Traction

I had not imagined it
That pull
That traction between us
And I am glad I got to experience it
One last time.

I now know
When the next one comes along
Just how much pull I can take
Before I break.

Turn Off The Lights Mar 2016

Stakes

I am not stupid but
Neither is he
We both know
Our friendship will never be just friendship
There is a reason
We do not hang out as friends
There is a reason
We do not follow through on anything
We do not text
We do not stay alone
For long
There is a reason
And you are much better at staying away
Than I ever was
After all,
You have much more at stake
You have much more to lose
I have nothing but you
And you are already gone.

#love

Mar 2016

LveYourLife

Untitled

There is no word more painful than the word

Maybe

Maybe they loved each other or
maybe she could have made it or
maybe it would have all been okay.
If they had tried. Maybe. But it never was and never will be.

A word with so much potential.
So much unknown.
Maybe, but no one will ever know.

#pain #maybe #live #almost

Turn Off The Lights Mar 2016

New dawns

I am slowly erasing memories of you
Burying the most important parts of us
Under layers of memories with
Other people
I make them do
The same things
And I try to
Forget
Anything that you ever did
The date
The time
The location
Your smile
Your words
Everything
I let them get buried
Under layers
And layers
Of false pretense

Turn Off The Lights Mar 2016

What they say

They say
It's all downhill from the first kiss
But if we snowball
From the top of the mountain
To the end of the Earth I want you to know:
What they say
Is worthless.
Kissing you never was downhill.
I have never been higher than when your lips used to touch mine.
Never have I been so high
On another person

#love