Day dreaming
Night living
Have you ever stopped and reflected?

Is there really any meaning to the day to day activities of life as a whole?
In my mind, nothing makes sense.
Ive come to the conclusion that life in itself is predetermined therefore the same choice is inevitable.
Every choice I’ve made has led me to this point in time.
It only seems to make sense when I’m asleep, life seems to be the real illusion.
What if death is the true release?
I guess, I’ll have to wait and see.

like water
I poured myself into her until she was overflowing at the brim

like reinforced steel
I bridged my heart to hers and welded myself to her soul

like the sun
I filled myself with light to cover her darkness

like a blanket
I shielded her from the harsh world underneath the covers

like magnets
I orbited her aura until we inevitably collided

like a seed
I felt myself growing up from her

Then, like an idiot
I could tell she felt nothing.

I remember ecstasy,
She felt and tasted like you.
So bitter but I swear I’ve never felt so high.
I wanted to stay in that moment forever.
You’re truly the embodiment of happiness.
I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way again.
& I don’t want to.
Love will be the death of me still.
It’s the worst, most beautiful feeling I’ve ever experienced.
I can’t trust my intuition when I’m on the drug, love.
Intoxicating, addictive, I hate that I need it.  
I’ve convinced myself that I don’t.

I don’t need it.

I woke up this morning, with the thought of driving. The song hate me today by blue October blaring over my thoughts.
Maybe I should drive so ******* far away that I never cross your mind.
I don’t want anyone to worry, what will I find?
When I leave and never come back, I hope I’ll be left alone.
Don’t worry, you’ll hear my words and apologies from a payphone.

Don’t you fall for me, my darling,
I swear we’ve been here before.
Sweater weather in summer, sunset so sweet.
I’m glad I’ve found you along the way, I don’t know where I’d be.
My soul aches for you when you’re away, for fear I’m stuck in a maze. Setting my soul ablaze.
When our hands intertwine and we lock lips, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but here.
See?
This is all just the illusion of living life so lavishly, glamorizing my dark twisted fantasy. I love it, but this **** don’t even really matter to me.

I feel like I’ve seen it all.
The rise and fall.
Ive never meant to make it past 19,
Felt love, hate and betrayal, thanks to the fates.
This is a cruel world, and I’ve known it since the beginning.
A black sheep never knowing what I was missing.
Forgive me for the pain that I’ve caused, but I don’t think I can feel these things anymore.

Who am I to judge the creators,
creations.
Or why he makes them, breathes life into the dirt, gives lust to the sand.
Gave me life, I’ll be high until I land.
I don’t care, I love the poison.
Feed me until I’m empty... am I ever empty?
I apologize, I’m hurt. I don’t know how to heal..
all I know is lust and the minute appeal..
take me away.. I don’t want to do this anymore. I talk to you through writing cause I can’t do this anymore.
My heart and soul hurts, I drown them; so I don’t have to feel those around me.
I absorb their sadness, I can still feel it when I walk.... everyone that’s confided in me has let.. be who can I talk.
I love it, pain is my lover. She has me on a leash. Let me drown so I can speak.
My shoulders are heavy..

I don’t care, I’ll take your pain with me when I go. Just don’t leave me before then.