I tell you that

“I miss you” like

a mantra in a song

but “I miss you"

still separates me

from you, and

“I love you" shows

only me loving you.

I. I didn’t pick up when you called
and I watched it go straight to voicemail—
there was hesitation in your voice
but I still didn’t pick up.

II. Tuesday became Wednesday
and I forgot what time you had texted
me back because I didn’t check my phone
every 15 minutes for no reason.


III. I was confused on your name
being in my phonebook and
I wanted to ask someone
who’s number I have

but when you texted me again
to ask how my day was, I replied to say
it would have been a lot better
if I spent it with you.

IV. I recorded your snoring
so when I sleep, I can remember
what I don’t want to sound like
but it’s the only way I can go to sleep.

V. Morning afters became routine for us
and you still won’t kiss me
after I ****** your ****,
only if I brush first.

VI. Ask me if I’m crazy again
and I’ll tell you that I’m crazy
for you, like a schizophrenic
off medication.

VII. At 8 in the evening
the night before a test, I’ll drop everything
to drive 45 minutes to see you for 20 minutes
because I don’t know when I’ll see you next.

VIII. I don’t like to text you
because you don’t use emojis
but if you don’t call me before bed,
I’ll yell at you for not talking to me.

IX. I’m not a ****
so stop laughing
at me.

X. I called you back the next day.

i’ve forgotten the sound of your voice
except for the time you yawned
and daisies were pushed through the grass.

your hands are locked together, aren’t they?
i can’t open them anymore because
i’ve foolishly lost the key.

don’t forget to water the cactus
give it a kiss or two so it remembers
even when you bleed, it’s still loved.

are you still listening? i've been
wandering for days in the desert
looking for your last drop of water.

orange has turned into green now
but only you’ll understand why
my heart breaks when the flowers bloom.

when your heart squeezes and
you can’t breathe, remember that
buutterflies start out as overgrown worms
and people use the word beautiful to describe graveyards

when your hands are shaking and
you’re choking back sobs, remember that
tomorrow the sun will rise
and you’ll be there to see it

hold the blanket you were born in close
and whisper to yourself the things you want
to do before you’re 30, and things you want
to do tomorrow—

remember: people gaze at broken glass in awe
even though no one bothered to read
fragile: this way up

don’t worry. i did.

don’t be afraid. crows will screech
and lions will roar but stand,
you’re the statue of liberty.

i never understood why you could smoke at 18
but drink at 21 when
smoking won’t let you graduate college.

call your mom every day, she sits alone
in the house that once swallowed you,
waiting to be taken too.

be your own best friend, no one else
will think that the sun shines out of your ***
more than you will.

lastly, love harder than you’ve ever loved—
let yourself fall and when you’re bleeding on the concrete,
get up and do it all over again.

january 2013
“I always sleep on your side when I miss you.”

september 2013
“You are the last little slice of happiness I have left.”

may 2013
“Storms are beautiful. You’re beautiful. I think of you every time it rains.”

july 2013
“I love how you fit so perfectly with me.”

october 2013
“I hope you have sweet dreams. I always do when I fall asleep smiling in your arms.”

december 2013**
“You loved me until the end. I’ll love you until the end.”

there’s my heart, with your name tattooed.
i tried to tell him to stop but
when the needle inked the flesh,
i was already halfway done.

we’ll burn each other at stake because we love each other.
i love you. i’m going to ******* **** you.
i love you so much that i’m going to ******* **** you.

set fire to all of your bridges and get burned.
you’ll never know pain unless you are stranded.
rebuild the bridges with thicker ropes,
and this time, don’t be so stupid.

when you’re lost, don’t you dare look for me.
the chances are,
i’ll be lost right beside you.

i’ve been trying to write a poem to describe
what it’s like to be so far away
and so in love with you,
but this isn’t it.