a year in review
I reread all my haikus
there's less about you

down on my knees again, sweaty hands folded on my bed
praying to a power that may not exist

this time, like every time before
"am I being heard?"
or am I just nineteen and crazy
exchanging words with the air
I resent for filling my lungs
and keeping me alive

a souvlaki of
secret beaches, white walls, and
ignoring the clock

Two granola bars in
ten minutes on the bus
sitting next to a stranger
not shy to point out
I'm not using the TV
correctly.

I'm so desperate for human interaction
that I take the criticism with a smile.

I ask the attendant if he has
a video of Joey and I eating
cheesesteak bagels on his pickup bed
in a Walmart parking lot,
or of Shannon port de bra-ing in ballet.
Maybe an audio clip of Kelly
repeating the words "my pretty girl"
until I fall asleep.

He says that all he has is ***** Dancing,
her favourite movie. I guess that will have to do.

I’m the poster child for
a creature of habit
filling my water before
brushing my teeth before
setting my alarm before
I turn out the light and get my rest before
I buy white socks in packs of 6
from the checkout line in Rite Aid
because I caved while getting tampons
and my old ones were looking a little grey
ooh, grab that milky way too

shove it in the trunk
forget about the candy bar because I’m late
let it melt as I speed
to my old high school
drop my sister off at the door
so she doesn’t have to walk
then U-turn, left, right
into your driveway because
that’s what I always use to do
and routines don’t break
as easily as spirits and bones