I set everything on fire that reminded me of you
All that's left is to burn myself
I never knew what Hell felt like
until your arms wrapped around me
And I felt your breath on my ear
As you whispered every word I heard you say to her
I got chills when you looked at me,
but the kind that felt like spiders crawling under my skin
My heart stopped in a way reminiscent of a car crash
I guess thats really what you were
You almost took me to where I wanted to go
before sending me headfirst through the windshield into the debris
You walked alway, unfazed and unharmed
you looked back at me
And took her in your arms

{NR}

That last time I saw your eyes,
Their deep hazel, always changing
They were swelling up with tears
you tore away and ran
I lost you in the darkness-
The moon ran away with you
I sat on the steps and
Waited
I waited
Knowing you would come back
Let me apologize
It would all be better
And I waited
I waited
But ten minutes was an hour
That hour turned to five
Suddenly the sun was rising
I was scared
I ran
I hoped that
You were down the street
Simply battling your ego
But you weren't

And that was the last time
I saw your hazel eyes
Because now you're laying there
And they won't let me open them

{NR}

There was a flicker of a flame in my soul
At one point I let it go
Realizing that uncontrolled
It would either burn me down
Or burn me out
And I’m okay with either result

{NR}

I used to cringe at the sight of
broken glass
It reminded me of all my pieces
With their sharpened edges, crooked lines
always
Fragmented beyond reason

I'd step around it, carefully
watching
Not wanting to get caught
Because once you've drawn that
first blood
It's not easily forgot

I still remember the day you came
and so easily
You taught me how to polish my shards
From violent knives always
glistening
To something not quite as harsh

I used to cringe at the sight of
broken glass
It reminded me of all my pieces
But now i move it out of the way
to protect those
Who don't know the strength in their weakness.

You're just another habit
That I need to break
I've gotten in too deep,
Oh what a mistake
I tell myself It's different
When know I'm the same
And I'm sick of your breathing
Like a drug to my mind
I'll get you out
One day at a time

{NR}

You always commented
About how you hated those branches
When they swayed so lightly
But you couldn't feel a breeze
You lamented and ranted
About the sprinklers
That you couldn't run through
On a hot summer day
You hated to hear talking
Without hearing words
In your mind
It was like life walking
Right past you
But not letting you along
And now you're gone
It's like you were my sunshine
But you've taken away the warmth

{NR}

You were the sword
I needed for protection
But I guess I was holding on
To the wrong end
And I guess I held on
A little too tightly
Because before I knew it
You had cut me off

{NR}

It's one of those nights
I'm unwilling to turn off the light
I won't look under my bed
I can barely open my eyes
I'll stack up the pillows beside me
And wish that it was you instead
Every noise makes my heart stop
Thoughts running wild in my head
I have to focus just to breathe right
Wishing I didn't have to breathe at all
I know in the morning that I'll be fine
but for now

{NR}

I never looked at you
When you were frowning
I didn't want to see you angry
Especially not at me.
I like to fake everything
Pretend we were happy
As a child I often
Played make-believe.
I lived for those moments
(I'd live for them still)
Where your eyes lit up
As soon as they met mine
But that was always
All too fleeting
The joy so quick
To be left behind

But still
I never looked at you
When you were frowning
And lately
I can't look at you at all

{NR}

I broke the window
I didn't want anything shielding me from reality
I'd rather face it head on
I felt the cold wind on my skin as I slept
The heat on my toes in the afternoon
I remembered how I used to watch the wind and rain
Beating upon the glass
And I would look at the way the sunlight streamed through
I still can't decide which I prefer:
Feeling life's beauties and pains
Or watching them while I hide away.

{NR}

Do we break
Or brake
I think its been too long, now
They're synonymous
With pain
So I'll drive
Right off this cliff

{NR}

Hollow things should seem wrong
You haven't minded them
Since you realized everything
Inside of you that mattered
Had long since disappeared
You revel in empty parking garages
You can scream and scream
And it echoes on without consequence
You always thought you were more like
An empty parking garage
No one cared much to stay and shout with you

{NR}

One foot forward,
Standing at the waters edge
I take a deep breath
And walk further still
Until finally I cannot walk
I'm suspended in the cold
I don't know whether to look up
To say goodbye to the world I've known
I feel my lungs,
They can't keep this going
And ever so slowly
The waves pull me down
And finally I take a breath
But it doesn't calm my lungs
I'm still left trying to find air
As I'm sinking to the bottom.

{NR}

I swear I was scared
But so caught up in the moment
Determined to believe
You'd refuse to hurt me
So many others said
It was sure to come
How could I trust them
With your smile second to none
And all your pretty little words
You spoke into my ear
With the sweet soft undertones
They were so easy to hear

I swear I was scared
Everyone would be right
That I never was as important
As you told me that I was
So I still hold your hand
And you still give me that smile
And I guess we'll just have to see
Where
This
Goes

{NR}

You say you're happy today
But I see the way you look
At old photographs
You've told me so many times
That everything is fine
But as the days go on
The light fades from your eyes
Every time you bring up the past
I can almost hear your cries
Unsettling, broken, missing
You say you never would go back
I know your look when you lie
And I can't quite decide
Whether to pretend to believe you
Things are so different
Then they were before
And I know you wish that you
Could open up that door

{NR}

And the thought of you
razor in hand
tears on your face
and blood down your arms
Breaks my heart
I don't want you to feel alone
because listen to me:
You never are
your demons lock you in
keeping everyone else out
but we're pounding at the door
screaming "I love you"
Wishing we could find a key
Wishing you could hear us

You are never alone
you only think you are
please don't let your mind
be your downfall

{NR}

And it hurts
When you're so worthless
To everyone,
Including yourself

When even
Your very best friend
Couldn't be bothered
To save you from hell

When those who
Told you they'd always be there
Left you
With out so much as a thought

And for
All they care
You could sit there
Until you started to rot.

{NR}

In the shower yesterday
I turned the water up
It burnt my skin, I stayed in
Until the heat wasn't enough

I guess that's how life goes
One day we're hit with pain
And gradually it decreases
But it always stays the same

Slowly, oh so slowly
We're becoming numb
To the hurt that lies within us
Secretly weaving us undone

When we realize we can't feel
We decide to up the dosage
Because is life better empty,
Or when we have a purpose?

We're drowning down and down
Slowly less believing
That all this pain and all this grief
Really has a meaning

{NR}

Please please I need you here
if not to hold me
then to remind me
that I'm not the only one left
when the sun goes down
that I can still survive
I can beat my own mind
I'm not alone
I've got my soul
and no one can rip that out of me
it's who I am and it is mine
all that matters is I stay true to who
I want to be
and not revert to the old me
I can't fade back into that sad
depressive state
I can't take the constant thoughts
nagging me they're always
too much or not enough
and I swore that I would stay here
and push on for this empty cause
we're all plagued with
and I know that I'm not perfect
sometimes I almost turn back
but if you grab me by the wrist
tell me "darling you're better than this"
I promise I will try

{NR}

I hope that when you swallow
I leave a bitter taste on your tongue
I hope that hearing our music
Leaves ringing in your ears
I hope that you cant drive
Without constantly glancing
to your right
I hope that every little thing
Is reminiscent of how I ruined you
Because sure as hell
You ruined me

They say my youth is what I’ll look back on
The memories I’ve made
Fondly remembering
Those daring escapades
But what if I spend all this time
Trying to get out
Wishing either forward or back-
Just wanting to get out
Then when I am aging quick
My hair, turning gray
Then when I reminisce
I wonder what I’ll say

{NR}

I never cared for
Broken things
They seemed so pointless
Useless
Unlovable
I never saw any worth
Because what good is a guitar
Without any strings?

I never saw any worth in myself
Because I hated broken things
I believed the idea of no hope
That I couldn't change anything
But your hand in my life
Has helped me to see
That maybe, sometimes
It's worth fixing.

{NR}

That dark
Behind my eyes
Reminds me of the night
When my demons come
They don't need to hide
I cannot find rescue
They muffle my screams
Do you know who I am anymore
I fear they've changed me so
I can't remember my own name
Or what it signifies
Please
Please
I
I need you by my side

{NR}

You told me you loved me
But I couldn't see the signs
By the time you walked away
I'd already heard your goodbye
I said it a million times
Over and over in my head
Mentally I'm already
And long since have been dead
You were just the hearse
Taking me to my grave
When you're doing the killing
You can't be the one to save

{NR}

I destroy myself with every word
That falls from your lips
The blood spilling over your chin
Once dripping, now gushing
The handprint outlined on my cheek
(That matches perfectly with your hand)
Stings less than what you tell me
And i believe im not better off alone
Because at least you tell me the truth

{NR}

I push away my plate
And you take away my friends
Tell me how that's fair
How taking away the only people
Who can help me
When I want to end my life
Will make anything better?
I'll only push harder
After this threat
All I want to do
Is cut and starve and cry
Tell me how that's better
How making me hate myself
Will promote me to
Take precautions to ensure
That my life is longer
Tell me how it's easier
To get my mind off everything
When all I'm left with
Is my thoughts
And my thoughts rip me apart
Day after day
I'm almost beyond caring
I want to die just to spite you
Tell me how that's better

{NR}

It happened so quickly
But I don't know quite when
You started fading from my view
I told myself I loved you
But I knew through it all
That it wasn't quite the truth
I didn't push you away
I didn't feel you pushing me
But what happens when two boats, untouched
Are set alone out to sea?
The waves around them
Push and pull
And they grow apart
No harm was done there
But it happened anyway
And no one could be said
To be at fault

{NR}

Slipping
As a child meant falling
As we were trying to walk
Cutting
In preschool meant using
Scissors on our card stock
Crying
When we were young was
When we lost our favorite toys
Screaming
As a toddler was
For the sake of making noise
Hoping
Way back then was always
A naturally occurring action
Thinking
In out youth wasn't just
For death's distraction.

{NR}

I love flowers
Who doesnt, really
But they bring along with them
Some underlying negativity
I can't help but think
Soon they'll be dead
That's why
I stopped picking up flowers
And maybe thats what I think
Whenever I look at you
I know that this isn't right
So maybe I can stand
From a slight distance
And look
But not touch
Because I cant feel the pain
Of losing you
If I never knew the pain
Of having you

{NR}

These days I can't look at the sunset
because the beauty reminds me of you
and how you were so perfect
then you were gone
I've hoped for a while that I was wrong
that you were just stepping out for fresh air
but I guess you wanted to run
you couldn't do that with me
I suppose I was your prison,
keeping you locked up and away
from the flowers
that I tried to bring to you
but they always ended up dying
And you never were happy
You belong with life
And I'm barely alive

{NR}

I toss and turn
I'm awake and then gone
I can't control my own thoughts
And suddenly I'm falling-
Then I'm back.

It's hard to find
A single moment
When the wave starts to crash
They build with wrong intentions
And they never really end.
So violent off the coastline
But on the shore they breathe
Seeming so gentle and kind
Until they pull you out
To drown in their undying pain.
I always loved the sand
The feeling between my toes
Until I walked on the grass again
And the sand wouldn't leave
It held on with everything.

And now my thoughts
Are back to you
Because you're just like the ocean
And maybe that's why
I don't swim anymore

{NR}

We might be moving
Way too fast
And I think I'm
Okay with that
I know I'll regret my choice
When we come screeching
to a halt
I never wore a seatbelt
Around you
And flying through the windshield
Might be just what I need
To bring me back
To reality

{NR}

You wake up in the morning
With dust on your pillow
From the nothing that goes through your head
Trying not to remember
The hurricane
That ravaged your mind
And the reason
We don't speak anymore

I swear I
Heard your name
In the sound of breaking glass
And the shards flying
Across my exposed skin
Felt eerily the same
As when your fingertips
Brushed my arm
And I'm reminded
As the blood drops
Hit the white floor
Of how you always
Left a mess
No matter where you went
But maybe the red
Leaving my body
Can take with it
The memories of you
So I can feel the pain
Without anguish or regret

{NR}

I think I saved you
You told me I did
But as I reached
To pull you back
So you could climb up
Again
You pulled me down
And I fell off the cliff
To the depths of the Hell
You had overcome
You said that no soul
Should have to endure it
But I guess that I was never
Anyone

{NR}

Do you drown at the thought
Of finally being happy
Because its been so long
Since you've seen the world in color
Spring doesnt seem to come around anymore
Your sky is gray, gray, gray
And flat, like the curve of your mouth
And whenever you try
To play piano like you used to
The keys all sound out of tune
But you've gotten used to them
Wrong seems normal
And being happy scares you

{NR}