Life can be unbearable and terrible
If you're alone in this life..
Happiness...

That is a really hard word to comprehend because you really don't know where you're actually happy at Till It's gone and to someone take it from you
Then it becomes a distant memory....

That's why you should sit down and treasurer those moments with someone special like you my deer Alyssa ... listen

I take you for granted

I really don't deserve you....

Honestly I shouldn't have anyone...

Because I am a monster

Hear me out

I disrespect you
I dismiss your wishes....



Somehow. you find a way to forgive me. Again every time

But why...
I should be asking that question myself....
Cuz you love me....


I love you too
I just don't show it

I guess I wallow in myself misery that reflects on the people I pose to care about

That makes me a hypocrite
And a coward...

I do not like to admit the
Truth
I don't think no one does

But I digress

I've been a coward my whole life standing on my hind legs cowering in a corner preying on the weak...

I guess it's supposed to make me feel strong but I
Feel weak....  because my bezique.. Is rotting through the  corps ...

Once in a lifetime every coward have a. Saviour
That one

The one with a beautiful brown eyes remind me of stars in the night sky
A heart made of gold

With the prettiest smile to make you weak in the knees....

The loyalist person in my whole entire life...

But I lied so many times...
Believe me I'm going to pay for it one day
When that day comes I do not want to be alone in the dark...

I want you to be aside me

For all eternity in Paradise

Please save me from these demons

They are clouding my mind

I'm a lost King who is losing his Queen.....

In the Kingdom of Lost Love....

I stole your heart

Here the key to mine

There's my. Confession
Love you and miss you
Alyssa

touch every feeling feels like splinters going through the hand


Everytime I lay in the bed feels like the man on the cross every time you ignore me ...


Something I cannot comprehend cuz I was locked up in the cell I couldn't get ahold of you.....


If it was different at the time

I would have been there every step you take every struggle you have to go through like Bonnie and Clyde.....

Like I was Walking the Tightrope for you......



It wouldn't matter it was life and death I will take a bullet for you...  

If it ever come down to that point like a f* Melody going through my skull....

Look at through my point of view......

I Walk Alone this dirt road with no cars no sounds......

Trying to find a soulmate to feel sorry for me.....


Because I have my 9 Miller pistol pointed to my chin ready to pull the trigger.......



It ain't no drug out there I haven't took.....


Truthfully and be honest only thing it does give into my demons to make my pain worse....


Inside my head I think my family is doubting me. Because I ain't doing s** in my life...

So what is the point of living anymore if I have those problems stacked on top like dominoes........


When I was deep in my compression

Because I did not have no money in my pocket.....



I decided to walk in traffic to commit suicide

But the cars went straight through me

Like I never existed......

Like a ghost from below.....



You tell me that is the only way out



Can't steal from the poor man.......

You can't break a man that's already been broken.......



And you can't bring back the Dead......


We are all lost in this world alone......



It is two type of people in this world


The people who live in the present


And the people who trying to rebuild the past......


You have to pick one and this life

my dear Isabella pro

my life my heart and my soul
like a  dying black alley cat
and the alley light  darkness and this work was city I call home

to me life is not worth living  

without you by my side

like a lonely Cub without his mother

to mean you are not just a memory
you are something more

you are my light
at the end of the tunnel of sadness
you save me from myself
I would like to thank you

I will give up anything

to hold you again
and here you giggle
rest in peace dear
Isabella rose

So I guess you going to improve
Yourself....

Leave me here all alone

With no one to talk to


I guess with no hesitation no incineration.... how I feel at the moment......  I am in so much pain......

I do not know the name of a pain killer decrease this pain....


So I have no other choice just to stay here and drink my sorrows away.....


I am starting to think this is starting to become my past time.....


I can hear the bottle calling me from a drunken state.....


It's said take another sip you know you need it won't hurt anybody.....


I reach for the bottle pour the the liquid in my cup.
I saw a reflection what I am becoming
In the liquid...... of darkness .......

Because  I Feel Like These walls closing in on me and crushing Me slowly.....



I tried to run to the exit to get to safety


But it was a dead end

I had no other choice just sit there and wait for the end........


But the end never came.....



My reality is starting to bend.....



The choices I have made in this life starting to haunt me in my dreams ....

Below these selfish actions . ....

I have committed.....

I did not commit treason .....

I committed several crimes


To the people around me.....



In my lifetime



Drowning in self pity


Wondering if it will ever end......


In this tunnel of misery.....


Sadness is all I see.....


All problems and issues inside my head


The blood I bleed is flowing through me like a fish in the sea

So I think I'm going to take another drink....

Because that's what the doctor ordered.....

Because the doctor always knows what's best.....

He said Being sober is not an option....


So I continue to drink.... in till I feel numb......


So I cut my self to see if I still feel anymore

And the blood drips like candle wax on the bathroom tiles .....

So I dwell on my past and can't look towards the brighter future of tomorrow

Because the sun does not shine here

Because the ground I walk on is broken and cracked and irreplaceable

I had a doctors appointment I told him I was quite not feeling right and I felt so wrong so he said my recommendation is go see giggles the clown in the circus he was in town he will cheer you right up but what he don't know is I am the clown is me and quite depressed and had a frown

Because I ran out of jokes to tell

All I can tell now is sad jokes because I'm a broken man ......

All dressed in all black....

Which is not even fun....

So till this day I prepare the noose to end it all and call it a day to forget everything....

So goodbye cruel world I will not miss you ....

when I hear the rain coming down it makes me sad and blue

looking outside my window at this November night
waiting for these eggs to hatch
inside my maternal prison...
is no secret why I'm here...

because I went to greet the spider in the web

to read her a very special bedtime story....

now she sleeps underneath the stone....

Try to be happy

You have to pick the Elements of Life

You ask yourself what they are the answer is quite easy you just have to sit down and think about and comprehend it.......

Before it's too late.....


Life is a Gamble.....



Because humans are playing dice to make it to the top......


Everyday we have consequences .. and choices we have to... make.... and this hollow world.....

Sacrifice is the only way to live......
Because you can't have it all.


Because someone will always have it better than you

Even if you gave it your all


Troubles will always find a way to hunt you


And to you dig your own grave.....

Mind and body it's fragile........

Like a porcelain doll....

Because everyone breaks in little bits pieces at the end......and turn into decay because humans are like dirt trying to grow into a spout ......



But if you can think courageous.....



All of your worry and doubt can go away for a period of time......



If you take the wrong step

They could find a way to attach to you like a spiders trap.....


Think resilient....


A wise human can defeat deaf for a
Shorts period  Of time if they only clear they mine from the devil's grass....



always remember

Laugh at the ones who think they can harm you with guns and bullets because ideas can be Bulletproof........



You can make a mockery of my words as you will.....


But it has been proven before beginning of time it happened proven ideas are true devastation.....
Words are just a plus and the mix....

So here's a gun and aim at me and pull the trigger.....

So I'll say my prayers for this December night I will not miss his world because I sleep underneath the stone......


Enjoy your petty politicians....


We are obligated

To vote for a man and a suit and tie with blood on his hands.........

That's a joke everybody laughs.....



Just a Pawn trying to rebuild a empty Relic does not even exist anymore..... the 50 states equals blood..... the stars mean tears from the Fallen and the Forgotten....
You do not have to be a soldier marching out for war. Every human is a soldier
And their own type of way....

Because every soul is rare....


Just walking a different path.....


If you're going to try and give it your all.....


Or don't even start.....

Failure is not an option...

But watch your step......


Because this Valley it's filled with snakes slithering in the valley of Sorrow

I remember you said that to me

I didn't know it was still on your plate

Now I know

I've been worried sick about you


I understand you need time to find yourself

Some days it's hard to breathe without you by my side




Those days are the worst

You have a lot of things on your mind I know

I do too

But I've never walked in your shoes before

We walk different paths

But we share the same road

That's how we found each other

I remember that day like it was yesterday


I felt so empty inside that day

But You saved me from that dark cloud above my head...


Like a gift from the Angels beneath the clouds....


The place is surrounded by so much beauty no man ever discovered....

But I saw it that day I was blind
By your love and your perfection...


And no man ever felt that before

A touch from God's creation...

And that is love
A poison can paralyze the body

I'm running out of words here describe your beauty....

But you are so broken and empty and dead inside

It is not enough words to describe your pain...
IMVU my dear
Jessley....
Listen to my words

You are clearly not standing here all alone and these shadow grounds you call home my dear beloved...

I love you because who You are
Don't let no one tell you are not perfect...

You're perfect to me and your friend's...

Keep your head up my love

please make sure it's true and you say you love somebody

because it is a sin to tell a lie


I love you yes I do...

I would like to give you something  money cannot buy
is not my soul...

I gave that up long ago a chance for happiness or chance ReNew Life
a foolish idea
but I walked down this path before
am I sell back here again....







without twisting turns leading you into a dead end to your own demise



but I'm done looking at the past
I want to see the future

for me and you my dear beloved...

I would like to give you my heart

I know it's worthless....

only thing I can offer you is my love

it kills me to see you in this place
only thing I can do is stand here all alone without you by my side
my dear Jessley...

if you break my heart I will die...

My dear friend

I know how you feel

Life has so many twists and turns leading you
In the wrong direction

but you have to keep strong don't give in to your demons they will **** you

I'm so broke


All the cuts and bruises on my arm could tell a story
But that is the path I have chosen to walk


Sitting here in this dark room waiting for the end

It is so complex I know
But I cannot fall



but I must live another sunrise for you my dear beloved friend


but some days it is hard to breathe

like a dying man who's so far away
trying to fight for every last breath


those days are the worst

some nights I find myself talking to The Man in the mirror

clearly it looks like he's falling apart

I tried to help him pick up the pieces he keeps pushing me away

now I don't speak to him no more


that's another friend I have lost

who do I talk to now....

now I fine my self outside this November night to Greek the Man in the Moon

he is silent just like usual

looking down at me with disgust

but I cannot judge you because you are alone just like I am

I would like to wish you a good night my dear old friend....

you got your back against the wall son situation takes ***** but you find yourself looking at the man in the mirror it looks like he's falling apart....

You stare at yourself with disgust....

Because you are starting to come the monster you say you would never become

You can't defy the things you have done to people you love....

You pushed them away and they pushed you back...

Now you can't go back to them now...



they gave you chance after chance but you denied it with no hesitation...

Now you have burned that bridge and you can't repair ashes..

now you are alone to walk a New path...
but you have questions to ask yourself....

the big question is are you really alone...

it's a woman in your life she says she loves you....
she said she will always have your back...

but you don't know who to trust...

if you leave yourself vulnerable
will she leave you in the sand to die

will she keep her promise...

some promises are meant to be broken....

but you love her too you told yourself you will never love again

you have  lie to yourself again....

now you have a new choice to ask God but he is silent just like usual...

you wonder why he doesn't answer

now you start second-guessing yourself should you try the patch things up with God maybe he might answer.....

that leaves you with two options....


Walk through the tunnel of darkness
Or walk to the light
You don't have to make the choice alone


💞So I will listen to my heart ❤️...

If you break my heart I will die dear beloved..

I find myself on this empty roof looking down at my own reflection like a portal leading to another world of existence.....

like two worlds a combined into one...

a twisted part of reality and the peaceful part of life and death....


a world without sin without struggle fighting to survive....

this place is slowly rotting into pieces waiting for the next fool to pick up the pieces...

even if you can find all the pieces what can you build
nothing
you will just give in to your greed

we all do....

this a comedy this government ....

it's going to trap their self in their own baretraps slowly waiting to bleed out unless we stand together as one as a family
maybe we can survive
shrimp and numbers can build Nations .. .

if you feel what I feel if you see what I see hear what I hear please stand with me maybe we might have hope  
or maybe I'm just mad

100 * 2

I find myself crying again in an empty room


Trying to pick up the pieces why they have left me again

And this darkness

Only thing I ever wanted is to be loved

I never lied

I always speak the truth if someone I love

But at the end love is not enough
And this time and this place

people would look you straight in the eye and stab you in the back

But you need to stay strong
This is not the end

A opening a beginning

For something new


For me and you

These are not just words

Words mean nothing

Actions will tell it all

What you will do for that person you love

Will you lay your life down for that person you love

That will tell it all and good time


I have walked down this empty broken road hundreds of times

Twists and turns will lead you nowhere

Just move on with your life and keep your head up  

Your prince charming will come in good time  

My dear friend