Thinking I'll let you Fall like leaves
Sometimes you even make it hard to breath
When I'm holding you right here close to me

Thinking to myself this is how it's supposed to be
Your hand in mine is quite the harmony
With a loose grip hard to believe


Love staying on you like a tattoo
Demanding a kiss goodbye like you have to
Love
Feeling like something that I outgrew
Hopeless romantic I feel that's true

Even the most beautiful sunset makes it hard to look passed you

I lift the blinds
to show everyone
When you're around
How bright you shine
Even when you can't see it

The world is on fire
Flames rising higher
No room for breathing
I'm dying this evening

If only i could say the right words and it'd bring you back
You always kept the family on a righteous path

I wish we could have done more of the same for you
All the craziness we've put you through
You were the most loved now that you can trust
You had the strongest heart out of any of us
The kind of tough love some of us never get you always gave
Some of the things you've done are the reasons why I'm brave
never scared to tell it like it is
To your own or someone else's kid

There are so many things I never got to ask you
Like what's the recipe for keeping the family together as you do
Something so special, like a homebrew
It was your own special family glue

You always made sure we stuck together for better or worse
I think this is why your death really hurts
I'm far from speechless
the things I never got to say to you has to be my weakness
I never got to show you how I grew into my own uniqueness

I got a lot of my love from you and my mom, I'm not here to throw shade
I just want to make sure the words I never got to say are paid
In full, consider this an I owe you
Youll always be in my thoughts until the day I go too

I love you **** Dilfia

A taste too sweet to touch and on the teeth
A slow decay starts just beneath the surface
We knew we could get cavities
But the sugar...oh the sugar
A taste that can be replaced
But we love the familiar
The aches and pains that go with it
Are just chances taken
Knowing the outcome in the end a bitter separation
I should have flossed while I was younger

The people I've once said I'd give my life for
Ironically are the same people not in my life anymore

Always be yourself, together

Put on this Earth to make you smile or sneer
Class clown I always knew how to make
hard work disappear
Such a happy go lucky guy
with a knack for laughter
The world can be so cruel
but everyone deserves a happily ever after
Let's cry tears of joy together
Plan each pretty picnic
Regardless of unpredictable weather

I'm starting to get out of my own way
No more me versus me
With that advantage how could I lose?
It seems like I can never choose
With all these forks I seem to lose direction
Until I can find the road that continues on

One day I swear I'm going to write my way out of hell
It's only a matter of time but only time will tell
Bigger things are coming but I have to build the blocks
Because the opportunity never comes if you stop
That's why I'm writing this, this hear is my good faith
To tell myself never to stop if this is my dream hell, it's time to chase

This was always a hobby and an outlet for me to vent
But as of lately I've had my creativity spent
Due to lack of sleep and constant stress
I just want to get my life back together, but right now it's a bit of a mess
Nothing I can't handle but believe me it's no walk in the park
Especially when there are no lights to illuminate this path in the dark

Every night I think about what I should do, but never do
That's my biggest flaw I'm eating procrastination soup
Not because I'm sick, but just a little under the weather
I use to say they couldn't rain on my parade when I'm made of umbrellas

But now the clouds seem to be parting I can seem my next my skies limit
I just hope this time I listen and try to live it

Remember when we used to pass notes in class as if what ever shenanigans couldn't wait? Those are the times that I miss when we all wanted to be connected at times
A quick toss of a folded up piece of paper across the room
I hope the teacher didn't see
But now theres no more challenge once phones hit the schools it's just another way for the future to break the rules

Weaponized in the face of hopelessness
No better than rolling the dice
Not an excuse when you don't know the answer
Something we give when we dont have the heart to crush the ones we love
A placebo, not a drug
We still hope it works and take it anyway

The art of being curved has gotten out of control
As disruptive and as frustrating as it can be
I have found solace in the time of curvature
If you've ever made plans with a friend
Which we all have so I hope you can relate
That even with everything on our plates
We make time for those who matter
But when it comes time to situate
Math could never prepare you for being curved
I'm not sure you've heard so let me set it straight
That person agreed to make plans with you
But when it comes a time, that which you have set aside
The other person has backed out last minute
I know we've all been curved or once took the mound
But it doesn't mean I like the sound
Of my days and time wasted, I'm not a fan
But my solace is bitter but not wasted
The ink and words my pages have tasted
Just becomes something else to write about

Oh how I want to shine so bright
I've never been the one in the spotlight
Honestly, I don't think that's a place to be
A lot of people only see me as me

No one double takes but sighs saying they've seen it before
like we're all just humans and nothing more
Waiting to have the light shed on them just like a star
Just not for the things they've accomplished so far

No one cares about the things that we undergo that how it goes
But now they listen when we are fake and got on all these fancy clothes

Always on the come up, never have time to come down
One day I swear I'll leave this town and that's the truth
To be honest I only stayed for the youth

I wanted to make sure their dreams were bigger than mine
Fighting this creative suppression one child at a time
Kids have no say in almost anything and that should be a crime

I've seen quite a few young stars that never got their turn
While teachers watched and let them burn

I want to bring the fire, and it won't be ignored
I'm living proof that my pen has always been mightier than my sword

I've wielded both in many different ways
and not once did I ever expect some praise

All I've ever wanted was a little attention did I mention
During my childhood years, I've faced more than one detention
Hell, even a suspension or two I'm not saying I'm proud

I was quite loud but not obnoxious never had good grades
I'm not boasting, but just asking you if you want to see the stars
You're going to have to take off those darkened shades

How is it possible to suffocate with all this space
Practicing yelling until I'm blue in the face
Just to see what it's like to hear myself now hear me out
Every now and then we need a good shout
This goes out to the ones that bottle everything up
Small things bubble, soon that cork will pop
I need to learn to let it out, take it from me it's not a crime
I've had too much space and time

Throughout the years I've burned a few bridges
I never intended to go back
But more importantly
I didn't want them to follow

Am I a friend, or someone you run to when you want to play pretend?
Am I a friend you treat like a doormat for your muddy boots to wipe so you can keep a clearer conscience to sleep at night?
I've cleaned up your act and that's a fact and since I moved on cant say I want you back
To all those no longer around it's been lit
You burned your bridges
Now there ain't no crossing it

At night I feel I never get any sleep
Real late at night, my thoughts don't make a peep
I feel I'm sick without remedy
From the top to my lower extremities

But it's okay because I'm not that weak
When I write these words to read they speak
Trying to reach a world beyond that
Like a drunk with a lean, you can call me cocked back

Loaded, already acknowledging I need a following
So I spit up these words instead of swallowing

These poems and my pride, I want to let it all show
I'm restless at night because I've been ready to go
Hoping the words in my vocabulary start to grow
But keep it simple stupid has always been my motto

I need to borrow a spoonful of sanity to keep away the vanity
and sustain my humanity I might just use profanity

But Nah, **** it, two tears in a bucket

It's been a minute since I've talked to my Father
he's got 3 other kids I don't want to be a bother

It's been a minute since I've lived in the now
Always thinking about when but never how

I got problems that only I can fix
It's been a minute since I wrote something like this

I don't get down I just get stressed out
some days I feel like I'm having a mental drought
or lack of capacity to handle the tenacity
This fast-moving life is a travesty
Unable to fulfill my happiness and that's blasphemy

But I digress, It's been a minute since I've gotten my thoughts off my chest and out of my brain
It's been a minute since I've been able to enjoy the rain
Feel each droplet as it hits and resets all my pain

It's been a minute since I've had a plan
Everything in my life I wanted to do I'm just saying
I've done it, but no I won't quit
I've got ADHD so I can't sit
Still, I know I won't stop till
I break the end off this quill
Or I make some money off this so I can chill

Hole in my heart
Not broken
Just falling apart

Every day I'm ripped to shreds
By the sound of the thoughts in my head

I don't tend to stress
I said tend, so please double check
To make sure my heart hasn't been ripped out of my chest

Some nights I'm a mess and I get to be
If you don't know where my head is check the directory
It's still there if my memory
Serves as good as my empathy
Generally, I don't talk about myself or my feelings
Most nights I spend in my head silently healing
Don't feel like any other soul is out there dealing
With the same issues I'm going through

Could this be true?
No one else in the world feels the ways you do?

That's silly let's get back to reality
To tell you why my hearts falling apart
This is the part
That comes straight from my heart
Here I'll start

To whom this may concern, check up on me and leave your comfort zone
There is someone out there that feels alone
that could benefit from you just hearing them out
A minute of your day might not **** you, but it might **** them
All this mayhem and disorder that's up in our minds
Are hard things to keep track of at times
So please be kind and rewind so we can come home

Back from those thoughts that held us for ransom
Times where we want to throw a tantrum
Sometimes we can't, then we phantom

I mean ghost, away from everything that makes us whole
Just to feel like we have even a little control
Of what goes on around us all the time
It's not possible so please give it a rest
Just say hi, or what's up every now and then
to try your best
Someone will appreciate you, should you put it to the test

Every time I put in more work I get less in return
Somehow I don't think this is a lesson I need to learn
Growing up has never felt like this but where do I begin?
I'm at a point where I ask myself why do I need friends if all beginnings have endings?
Could it be that these friends or myself are transcending  
Past the point of them spending
Anytime with me anymore, how do you know a friendship is ending
It feels more like a facebook friend request, I'm just pending..
I don't blame others for anything they don't want to do
It's just been a while since I've had a friend to talk to
When I reach out it feels like I'm asking for a handout
and everyone's got their hands full
Not one to call bull, but I need to pull
Myself from this hole in my heart that tends to make me miserable
Sometimes I ask myself why or what did I do to be like this
But the truth is I'm more than fine just confused by it
It being this constant narrative where it's me versus me
There seems to be no one around my immediate 360
I use all my strength each day to work the hardest, safest, and most efficient as I can be.
I'm not saying no one is but who is there to reciprocate that energy?
For those times I need to look up and someone needs to be my guide
For the times I want to run and go hide
I don't want to do this that or even the other
Sometimes I felt like I never had a Mother.
Mine loves me to death, she is the greatest and got me this far
Sometimes I ask why because even she doesn't have the answers I need and when times get this hard
I try not to dwell but I also dwell
Rare times where I trap my thoughts inside of this negativity cell
All boxed up filled with explosive emotions
On a good day enough to part seas and oceans
All I need is a checkup, not one from any doctor
Perhaps the ones that put it all on the table
that don't proclaim it's their final offer

You havent madd it yet, they call you legendary
Hows it feel to have the skill and state of rap to carry
Like what's the deal cant find the real this has to be imaginary
The way these clowns come put it down, situations rather scary
You havent made it yet they call you legendary

Growing up with ghost wasnt an easy thing to do, for both of us the hardest part was getting someone to believe in you.

Never sell yourself short before you grow
The world is upset but it'll get better though
They told me to dive right in, I only dipped my toe
Where you end up on this wild ride you may never know
You gotta brace yourself  for no matter what it brings
Just know out there are some better things

In this place we roam I've become a lost soul
A place where familiarity and routine has a strong hold
Everyone is to do what their told
Until you've made enough money to grow old...

I want to write again dont know where to start
Always looked at words as a sacred art
Like a book whose pages have been thumbed through a million times
So others can keep refining and keep this art alive
I dont blame people who give up on it, I know how it can get
Some people only use it as an outlet
Isn't this crazy but I'm not like people I'm lazy
Nothing special about why I tend to use a book mark I dont like to thumb through
I like to dissect refine and renew
I hope by the time my new poems hit the surface
My writing will provide other with a sense of purpose

We all have mirrors in our lives
Our friends should be our mirrors
Reflections of ourselves but not exactly the same
We should see tiny reflections of ourselves in others
That's how we relate, but if you stare long enough into those mirrors you may see
Friends you want to be more like or how your mirrors truly see you
When you ask who is the fairest of them all is
Just look at the reflections

I took a break to clear my head
But instead
It's only filled with more ideas and passion
It's like my most popular attraction
Is causing a reaction that chains me to write
This is positive because I just might
Have better  ideas in the future to come
So many times I've wanted to write what I thought and just ended up holding my tongue
Because I'm now refined and I promise im fine
Just needed a little time to resonate this rhyme I hope ya'll are still with me

Call me old fashioned, typical let it burn in the rain
We keep on doing these same things that causes us pain
Some call it insane others play the game
We all play in different ranges
The fact of the matter is we're all going through changes
Style, diets, and social media
This is the type of crazy they've been feedin ya
So when they tell you everyone changes it's TRUE
In the end the only thing that matters will be YOU

I spread my wings not to just fly away.
But fly so high I just might stay.
Out of touch, out of reach, or just taking a day for myself.
Sometimes it's nice to just get way from everybody else.

If I had one wish I'd go back to the beginning none of this stealing kisses and mischievous sinning
  way back before I ever had feelings, for you now it's my problem, I'm dealing. I had it up to here with my emotions through the ceiling
you left a nasty sun burn and now I'm peeling. Your radiance overbearing and non concealing.
  I'm lost without you but I lack direction. I've spent too much time looking at my reflection. Hoping youd appear ever again was my misconception. I loved you in more ways then one, back when we were friends trying to have some fun.
I wont lie because I do miss you, the fact that I feel this way is not my issue.
Its that it came to an end so quick and abrupt cant you see I miss you, do you give a ****? Dejavu yes we meet again, another time another place for me to rewind yet another friend.

When we hold hands I always keep a tight grip
With in the back of my mind thinking you might dip
I know you wouldn't leave me but that keeps me trying
I love you and I'd be lying
If I said anything else
My love for you is never on a shelf
I take a chapter a day with you and write it down
Our story to be told
Not if but when we're old
And I mean together
And my together is forever
I hope yours is too
I can assume but never speak for you
Except when we have to decide on food
Something about that question you seem to elude
But that's okay my dear there's nothing to fear
So long as you're here
With me
I'll always know what WE want to eat

In my heart deep down it hurts
I'm about to go berserk
I put in the time and work
Now give me what I deserve
Half a million people read my words but have nothing to say?
But I put blood sweat and emotion on every page..
When everyone keeps so quiet about my "hustle" it doesn't fill me with rage
Just wondering if you're reading along with me on the same page
I don't ask for much just to lend me your eyes, and say "oh who's this guy?"
Keeping you curious but I'm out here getting furious or rather delirious
Hoping one day all of you might take me a little serious