What's more deadly
A gun or a thought?

A gun gives you the opportunity,
But a thought pulls the trigger.

It follows me and reminds me
That I'm not really here.

There's no escape from the
Thing that I most fear.

It beckons to me with its
Breath drawing near.

I struggle ahead as I
Pretend not to hear.

But then it engulfs me
And I disappear.

Goodbye to the life that
Was once held so dear.

I've entered a new hell
Since the last one ran clear.

Awareness is excruciating
Year after year.

But why do I feel
When existence is sheer?

It follows me and reminds me
That I'm not really here.

There could have been better,
Than the beast I've become.
Maybe someone with motives,
Whose hopes weren't undone.

There could have been better,
Than the person I am.
Maybe someone with passion,
And experience first-hand.

There could have been better,
Maybe someone who's loved.
Not held back by fear,
Who can grow far above.

There could have been better,
But I hardly exist.
I'm eaten by pride,
And constant loneliness.

There could have been better,
But that is not me.
I'm drowning in emptiness,
Washed up by the sea.

I'll make room for the better,
Give needed space to succeed.
But I am empty of value,
In the blackness, I bleed.

There could have been better,
I'll fall into shadowed seas.
Drown away disappointment,
My hollow life will cease.

Were my tears made of money
Would they catch your eye then?
Were my words made of silk
Would you listen to them?

If I took to the air
Would you notice my wings?
If I offered my voice
Would you wish that I sing?

If I lent you my hand
Would you notice the scars?
If I shone ever bright
Would you call me a star?

If I fell to the ground
Would you help me to stand?
If I told you I cared
Would you then understand?

i like wearing miniskirts and i read marie claire
i like bubblegum pop music and i like to dye my hair
i like rich thick hot pink lipgloss and i like to pretend
i still dress up all the time even though i’m seventeen
and im learning how to defend myself

i pretend my legs are made of silk and i pretend im sleeping beauty
i fake like im a natural blonde and fake like im a cutie
i like having kitten pits and i like kissing girls
i like clothes that show off my **** and i like wearing pearls

i like the way my hair smells of peaches
and i like it even when it reeks of 15 different kinds of bleaches

im a ******* soft girl
im a pincushion queen
a raspberry swirl cheesecake
a pretty little thing with a head full of snakes

deliberately unclean
deliberately obscene
pretty as yesterday’s underwear
pretty as the roots of courtney’s hair

pretty as my favourite les mis scene
when anne hathaway’s fantine dreams a dream
and her nose starts running as she starts to cry
and everything felt real for once in my life

i’m covered in face powder and i’m covered in dirt
and you’ll never know joy if you never know hurt
and that’s why they make disney princess plasters
so when you skin your knees you’ll only feel prettier after

let’s talk about all the junk we like
and re-learn the art of laughter
i’ll be in the kitchen making raspberry tea
whenever you wanna join me