Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.
And mine is this.

The loneliest moment is when you're sitting on your bed crying and you scroll through your contacts but end up putting your pone down in the end and not contacting anyone. Because 90% don't care at all, 9% are just curious, and that 1% left over. Well, they're starting to pull away too

**This is true loneliness

The words
I should've said
the tears
I should've shed
the wounds
that should've bled
locked
deep inside my chest
in a box labeled
regret

what is it?
the feeling of being loved
and knowing that
they feel the same way
whether you are dressed
or not?

i was scared.
standing there
without a shirt
makes me quite nervous.
my body isn't exactly fit
whereas you look like the
most perfect ballerina.
its not a bad thing,
i just wish i would be
a bit more... flat.

i love my body,
i just have a few things that
i know i could change.
i could eat healthier,
maybe work out more.
drink some more water than
coffee. (i sure do love coffee)
and cut back a bit.

i want to feel comfortable
in my own skin.
i want to be able to
dress how i want
without the fear of the
dress sizes or
being called those terrible names
as i once was in my childhood.

i want to let you do
the things you want to me
without me feeling ashamed.

sooner or later,
ill be completely ready.
you'll have worthy lips to kiss and
a whole new world
to explore with your fingertips.

Have you ever had a dream, that when you woke up you were full of emotions. Where you woke up and it made you feel that it was real? Where even though you know it didn't really happen it still makes your emotions go wild? Well that does not happen to me.

Now could you imagine being a small boat in the middle of the ocean, so alone with nothing or no one around you? You and the ocean, everything else just emptiness? You could scream but no one would hear.

Or do you remember when you was a child at the beach, you used to pick up a shell, put it against your ear and listen to the waves? When you knew that there wasn't actually anything inside, it was just an empty shell.

I have a body but inside I am empty, no emotions. I am not happy nor sad, I am nothing.
My heart beats, my veins pulse, my organs work but it is not me. I do not know who I am, lost in a world where no one understands and there's no one to talk to. My brain is that small boat in the ocean and my body is the shell.

I try to feel something but there is nothing there to feel. All these thoughts in my head but no emotions to match. I feel like a  robot. I have a body, an outside, and all of these thoughts programmed into my head, like this body has been designed for me but someone has forgotten to put emotions where they are meant to be.

If I did speak out loud what would they think or say? Would any even hear me or listen?  Well unfortunately for me I couldn't care less, I do not care what they think about me. In fact I don't care about anything, nothing at all. I am not arrogant nor ignorant, I try to care but things do not phase me.

I try to be there for people but I can not feel their pain. I know there are serious problems in the world, terrible things happpen. I do not try to deny them nor ignore them, but when I hear and see things I do not react,  I do not feel, I do not speak for when I do my lips move but I can't hear what I am saying.

I am lost. I am in a jungle, pushing through the tall trees. I keep searching but there is no way out, running for days but I am getting no where, still in the same place I started to begin with.  Should I stop searching? Will I ever be found?

My body is numb but so is my pain. What I used to feel is not to blame, passion, hurt, pleasure and love I've lost. Now I realise that was me. I do not know who I've become. The tears I have are silent you see, they are inside of me, the tears won't come out of my eyes.  

My mind is an anchor but my thoughts are a kite, I want to be free,  is it better to die? Some please tell me am I even alive?

Waking up every morning with you on my mind weighs me down,
Anchors me to my bed and sheets
Because at this rate,
This is the only time we will ever meet.

I miss the way your hair felt
Between my fingers
And the way you kissed my neck;
Everything continues to linger.

Whether it be how your smile
Took up your face
Or how your hands always found mine,
You're impossible to replace.

I wake up with thoughts
Of your real laugh
Or how your hands knew my body
Without having ever looked at a map.

I wake up tangled
In sheets that cannot rival your embrace.
I wake up saddened
That I'm not waking up to your face.

I wake up tangled
In my mind because losing you
Was so much more than a hand to hold-
That I always knew.

Losing you meant
Losing sleep and time
To pondering over
How I let you slip from being mine.

The sun comes up,
As do my eyelids and chest-
I wish the thoughts of you
Didn't come also, and would rather rest.

I tell myself to go to bed
Just one more time.
But so far, inevitably,
You are still on my mind.

have you ever had those days
when you miss that feeling
of the blade touching your skin
and barely missing a vein?
the excitement you feel
when blood pours out
and the manic grin that
spreads across your face
as the pain subsides?'

i'll be honest,
it is what i have thought about
all day long.
i want the blood
and the pain and the
momental joy.

but, that is all it is.
the feeling flees the second
i am done, the high is gone
and all i am left with is
a ripped up wrist.

hopefully, love isn't the same way.
but, all great addictions usually are.

Three words and it was like a key,
You unlocked three years of decomposed history
And erased.
I know
I'll let you in again,
But i promised myself i wouldnt.
I know
We'll fall back into eachother's arms,
Same routine of me sneaking out to your house at midnight and
You teaching me to play music that will soon
Become the background of our pointless, happy little moments
That will shift into just memories in a couple years.
I know
How toxic you are
And i know
That you dont really care about me
But, neither do i
So you're using me and im using you
For a stale high and a good time.
It'll become comfortable,
But maybe not
Maybe this time i'll fight it?
I dont like covering bruises
Instead of scars
But its easier
And it works for you
And me too

touching
it seems as if my
fingers want more-
the gasping of air
the act of clenching tighter and tighter
the need to feel something other than
the pain that rests inside
baby, just let it all pour out

don't think about the others
think of what feels right.
is it the lips on your thighs
the fingers that wriggle through your hair
or the eyes that stare deep into your soul?

what about the sweet kisses
that i want to give you
and the flowers and chocolate
or maybe even the looks across the hall that
make you just so excited (you know in what way...)

i'd do anything for you.
but am i really ready to
know someone in that way?

People will believe
What they want to
Believe.
          It is not up to Us
To decide whether their
Beliefs
Are fact or fiction.
          So don't waste
Your time
Worrying about what
Other People's
Judgement and Concerns
May be.
          Because in the end,
    You're only left
With
     Yourself.