Waking up in the middle of the night
And you on my mind
Is dangerous
My emotions go everywhere
Overthinking everything that we have overcome
And the one thing that sticks in my mind is that one day
That one day we met up after the breakup
After summer time
That one day where we both missed each other
And you thought you could get a second chance
That day made me realize something
Something that I knew before but had forgotten
Your love
Your sweetness, your hugs, your kisses, the way you make fun of the things I say just so I will get irritated and hit you and you will
Just kiss me !
And it would be so cute
I realized that you always let me talk and try to understand what I'm saying
I realized how much you cared about me
And when I was realizing all of this,
I realized that I never wish we broke up in the first place.
-te

It's hard to function properly when you have
People always
Nagging at you
For school
At home
With friends
Sometimes it's too much to handle

It is so easy to say "I will stop"
But when you actually try to,
It is so much harder.
So hard to not go rely on something during your bad times,
That makes you escape things for just a little bit.
Gives you a relief like this is the only thing that can save you,
Which at the time ,
It is the only thing .
Always thinking about it,
And wanting it
And just wishing you could do it
Everyday
Every hour
Just wishing that you were able to escape everything  with this
One piece of metal.
And during the time that you are
Struggling
People are around you saying
"You can do it"
"You are strong"
"Do other things"
But it isn't that easy!
Not many people get that..
-te

being used so much
I melt every time I feel your touch
it is hard to resist
when I feel so wanted
in your arms you are holding me
I wish we never started
this needs to stop.
-te

It's not possible for someone to love a girl like me
Who is not able to see
Anything in her future
Or what is in store for her.
A girl who relies on a blade for a glimpse of happiness
And cries herself to sleep every night.
A girl who picks out every one of her flaws
Expecting to never get an applause.
So mentally unstable it is so hard for her to function
And to live life to the fullest
Without overthinking everything
Her mind full of nothing.
How could someone ever love me when I am so empty..
-te

Doing something so horrible to myself
Is meant to be kept a secret
To not be seen
But at the same time
If someone every does see
I don't want them to question
I don't want them to freak out
And if they ask if I am okay
And I said yes
I want them to hold me and say they know I'm not
I want them to be able to not look at me any differently
I want them to accept that these are just my battle scars
And I am trying to get better
-te

I just want to die
I could never **** myself but honestly I don't want to live anymore and I could careless if I did die. I used to be scared of death but I guess once you have reached rock bottom you realize that you just don't want to live in this cruel world anymore. I have reached rock bottom, I have Hit an all time low. I have to cut myself to feel better! That means something, I don't know how to handle my own emotions anymore, I can't go a day without feeling in a bad mood no matter where I am or who I'm with. I could be with my best friend and having fun whatever, but all of a sudden I get in a bad mood, I just wanna cry and feel better. I know I overthink too much because I feel like I annoy people with this too much and  that they are just getting bothered by it and want me to just get better so I stop bothering them about it. I wanna get better, that is all I'm asking for, is getting better and knowing that my life won't be as miserable as I think it will be. I dont want to go on meds, I don't want to cut everytime I feel down.. I just want this mood to go away, but my overthinking about all my stupid flaws on how I'm so ugly and fat and that I have no ambition in life and how no guy could ever like me because of all these things, doesn't make things easier. And no one can make me feel different about them either which is really hard. My life isn't bad.. Which makes no sense why this is happening to me, I just need to find out the reason. It so hard to, no one gets that, my mom thinks that I know the reason but just not saying it, why wouldn't I say it?! I want to get better, does no one realize that. Just because I'm not able to stop cutting for a long time does not mean I don't want to get better, it just means I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Just because I don't wanna go to counselling every week doesn't mean I don't want help I just don't want to talk to a different person everytime and just hear the same things over and over again. I just want to get better and tbh at this rate , I don't think I will be.. So I just wanna die and not many people will care anyways .