when they ask why
I back away, not wanting to answer
when they ask what I use
I back away even more, ashamed
when they tell me to stop
I yell back at them
when they cry
I cry too
they think it is so easy
the thought of stopping makes me feel queasy
its hard
to let go of something that made you feel so
alive
making everything go away for that moment
relieving me from feeling so broken
when they tell me I need to stop
when they tell me I can't give up
when they tell me I shouldn't disappoint them again
when they tell me I can overcome this..
I back away and do it again.
-te

I stopped for 4 days..
That is pretty good
I got the urge so much
But resisted at the best I could
I broke today and feel horrible about it
Horrible for getting so low again
Not telling my friends
Getting to the point where I couldn't continue
I broke
-te

mind going blank
no thoughts
no feelings
just numb
all around
staring off into space
not controlling my body
anymore.
everything is gone
and over.
-te

I feel like I'm drowning..
drowning in my own sorrow.
the waves are too harsh
pushing me back
lower and lower
til' I drown
drown in my sorrow
my sadness
choking on all the hurtful words
burning sensations of the scars
the sorrow filling up in my lungs
until...
I can't breathe!
-te

I
wish
I
was
d
e
a
d


-te

everything was fine
what changed your mind?
I wanted to see you
but I guess I'm just too blue
for you to handle all the time.

you made things so much better
and made them go away
what can I do to make you stay?

I am sorry for bothering you 24/7
I just want to go to heaven
no one else could see that
or understood
but I knew you could.

I just wish I knew why..

-te

You
Are
my*
guilty pleasure
-te