People that don't self harm
Don't seem to understand it.
But I don't expect them to.

First, it hurts, A LOT.
It hurts when you first do it
And it hurts the next day.
It hurts when your long sleeves rub against it
And it hurts when you look at what you did.

Next, cuts bleed, A LOT.
At first they don't bleed,
You start cutting deeper,
Then they bleed, a lot.
It doesn't stop bleeding.

Please don't tell me to just stop.
I can't just stop.
It's so addicting.
Even though I want to stop,
I can't.

It starts out as you control it,
But then it ends up controlling you.
You want to wear short sleeves?
Think again, you can't.
You want to go swimming with friends?
Oh yeah, they'll probably think you're crazy.

Every time you do it one more time,
It becomes more and more addicting.
Just one more you think, but no.
This is the last time, but it's not.
You can't just stop.

I don't mean to hurt the people around me.
In that moment, all I can think about is
Hurting myself.
I'm sorry for hurting everyone else
While I'm hurting myself.

I’m afraid of myself tonight
Of the thoughts within my skull
I’m afraid to be left alone with myself
With nothing to drown it out

It's okay...
It's alright...
sleep my child
you'll be just fine...
just close your eyes
and sleep my child
escape the pain
for just a little while
i know its hard-
hard to believe
that its okay
to fall asleep
i know you're scared
that if you close your eyes
it'll be your fault
when someone dies
but you're not the reason
it wasn't your fault
but you can't keep them alive
with water and salt
so sleep my child
i'll hold you near
things will get better...
just trust me my dear

Dear sad person,

Its okay

I know what its like to be sad

I know what its like to struggle beneath the weight of it

To try so hard time after time

To wish endlessly that you could just shrug your shoulders and it would all go away

I know what its like to wish that you could just sleep forever because your dreams just feel so much better than the reality

Its okay

I know it might be hard to believe..

But some day it will get better

And until it does

Remember.. I am here for you

Reach out to me and i will open my arms to you

I promise

why is it that after years
of being emotionally and
occasionally
physically abused
by the woman
I was supposed to call my mother
that I still feel so broken
now that you're gone forever?
how? why?
is there something wrong with me?
to still love and miss you?
after all the ******* hell
you've put me thru...
I still miss you...
and for the life of me...
I have no ******* idea why...