who has befell me
has gifted me grief,
has caused my body to lie
in a needed slumber

what is missing
in my heart full of love ?
what has
filled my lungs
with desperate breathes
and made everything
a sloppy mess ?

how do i cleanse this ?
ive purified my ends,
means matter more i suppose.
I lack the love I once had.

when will I be me again ?
because I feel it.
the mirror suggests otherwise,
but i try to look past it.

the mud in my heart painfully
grows mold.

pray it away
or pray it to come

helm-man of Endurance-
"raise this; to other storms to run"

it was reported,
"several bleak men,
lost from just last one."

a celebration of death
in these honored leagues

cold fairy of water
looks in defeatedly

was i the bad parts of home for you?
mine were opened by your love and it felt so good.
like an old friend from my younger youth.
someone to tell what was actually on my mind
but where him and i had shared tragedy,
you were so pure.
and then you showed me lessons and that,
with divine right,
that they were as ****** as i was learned.
because they stemmed from what can not be taken.
my pain is still love.
but my love hopes to not be pain.
im sorry i took you
there im sorry i gained more than i lost
but then again
i hope to regain you
fear has a right place in home.

every other's yawn
would ellicit one of my own in return
i blush embarissingly
to share another's 'shame'
my craze, a harbor hoping it's a
                                   helping hand.
and atop a tall white spire the eye
      of some mind i think is mine
    gathers pieces of mindset puzzles.
at times, a
willing cohesion. same beast of mana.
   i hope it heals to share some burden.
    atleast the empathetical air
   tastes sweet to us modern mages

i **** in my tears
stand there sinking them in my eyes
just so my skin can stay dry
through a canal built on my bones
its river rushes against its ramparts
lucious waterfalls into my organs
and out of my soul
but fills that well of some Old.

i have some eternal longing.
questions for nature
thankful for the hydra that is
a question.
there has to be no answer.
anguished traversal,
i am weary for this
  there is no release
   no relief.
    no ends to this mean.
besides the
     beyond and this line in between
  i question why i live
    yet the answer lives in death


~~ am i really a monster?
these arms sewn by sewer stunk sinue
  soaked by one's false sense of savant
these eyes flit to blue and brown,
from  
 pointed to round,
  ears stiffened yet drowned
  who hears strangers say hes the
   talk of the town
    all of it tends to incredulous noun .
   a seed of some doubt,
   covered in honey,
   placed as my heart.
   i only wish that i and it, drift apart
   because when i rest
   i try to take my legs off;
   one at a time, i hope it hurts
   rip off my face;
   as thin as it may be
   snap myself out of my craze;
   you know you cant dream
   lift the ball-chain of my soul;
   and place it on your chest
   and die to live some other day:
because you cant love to my own behest

i dont know if its good to try to do better; or only one's best

She is happy with my heart
I am happy knowing about
her this beautiful art
Called stealing
But in result is healing

Deliciously loving you,
yet, I'm the
one that got ate up
and spit out.
So I lie on
an empty beach
like a broken sea shell,
while the lonely rain
pounds the sand.