Pathetic
And apathetic
I wander through life
Seeing nothing
On my hands and knees
And not caring.
Blindfolded by societal standards
Pushed down by the ambitions of others
And yet I have reason to believe that it doesn't matter.

The only thing I really
Want to accomplish in this life
Is to be comfortable.  
Is that too much to ask?
Sure, I'd love to help people
Make friends and be in love along the way
Grow in my faith and everything
But I don't want to be famous
Or very rich.
Maybe rich enough to get an island
With a small shack but...
I more than anything want to relax.
No deadlines
No worries sticking in my stomach.
Total.
Relaxation.

Have you noticed that
When you reflect on things
"I should've..."
I hate the feeling
And I'm stressed lately.
Maybe I can be better
And what's done is done
And I hope everything works out
No bad repercussions for something I
Can fix

I wrote this to myself when I left.  I never should have left anyway.  I just...  Didn't want this to be a part of me but...  I don't think I can escape.

You ****. I despise you. Your idiotic writing and stupid love poems. You don't even have a real ******* reason to quit! You switch to me, and still write... At least you can be honest now. People will finally see what an ******* you truly are.

I can never tell anyone
How I really feel
Or when I need help.
Because inside
I am a burning inferno.
Angry at almost everyone.
Tearing my hair out
Screaming at my tormentors.
It's too much.
Behind my kind and loving demeanor
I am angry.
I really do love and care for others
But I have demons inside
Who must never be let out.

Give me a word
Any word
Because I have none
Give me a word
For what you're thinking about
For what I know
Give me a word
Because your words can
Bring mine back to life.

I go to sleep now
For really one reason
And only that.
I have nothing to stay awake for.
My love is asleep
And I am not next to her.
Video games get boring.
It's too late for loud music.
My awake friend is mad at me.
Life feels like it's
Not all it's cracked up to be.
I just want to run away
But I'm stuck here legally.
So I escape to the one place I can.
My dreams.

Running
And tripping
Caught along the way
Falling
Breaking
Laughing as you say

*Help me

Hearing about these famous poets
Depressed
Depressing
Hearing about people who
**** themselves.
It's sad
And it disgusts me
That somebody would turn to that
That anyone would allow it to happen
To let somebody feel so unloved
That the end would be more attractive
I cannot comprehend
I am not depressed
So I do not have the temptation
Because when I have thought of it
It seemed idiotic
Because there is always at least one person
Who deeply cares
Who thinks of you before falling asleep
I promise
I care
Even if it seems like nobody does
I don't judge others
Choices are your own
But your life is not
Ending yourself brings lifelong scars to everyone.

BEFORE

Before we even started dating
I was very interested in you
I thought
"She's really unique
And cool
And into books
And smart

And cute."
Every move you made
The ease with which you made friends
And of course
How your nose was always in a book.
That interested me a lot
And I still love that
Even when I know
So much more about you.
My observations from outside.


2.  AS I WRITE

I told you I was doing something
For our six months.
It's nothing spectacular
Nothing expensive
Just time
And my thoughts
My love
I hope to put it into these words which I
Preserve for you
Uniquely mine
For uniquely you
And you alone.



3. SUSPENSE

I just told you today
And you ask for my hint
It was in one of my other poems
You read it
But didn't catch it.
It would be obvious if you did see
What the hint is.
And no, these aren't all going to be
Like this
Just basically a diary
No
They will be better.


4. LIST

I like a lot about you love
I even listed some things off to you recently.
Would you like a list?

The cute faces you constantly make
The way you fall asleep in my arms
The way you make my heart skip when you lean on me
The way your mouth moves when we kiss
Your scent that hangs on my clothes after we hang out
The way you bury your face in my chest when falling asleep
The texture of you hair
The way your face lights up when you're truly happy
The way your cheeks are fun to play with
The perfect shape of your body
Your inability to be mad at me
Your anger at people being self-destructive
Your rambles on things that you feel passionate about
Your sheer uniqueness
Your amazing beauty
The way you feel embarassed when you blush
Your quiet whimpers when I whisper that I love you in your sleep
The way you always tell someone when you're annoyed
Your ability to easily make friends
Your addiction to reading
Your crazy music taste
Your refusal to tell me games you play
Your amazing poetry
Your unique way of dressing
Your uncanny ability to look beautiful and **** in anything

And yes, there's thousands more.
But that's enough for now.


5. NIGHT

You know
I think of you always
During class
During sports
During robotics
During my dreams.
You're so great
You just sneak into my mind
And take all control from me.
I'm stuck thinking about you for awhile.
Not that I really mind.


6. SUDDENLY FRAGILE

I've known you for awhile
And now you're fragile
You seemed strong
Never once wrong
And I'm glad I grew close to you
So that I can be here for you
When you need someone
And I always want to be that someone.


7. FIVE

Today
Of all days
I'm sick.
What I wouldn't give
To kiss you once
On the cheek
Or give you a hug
Quickly
Fleetingly
I want to tell you I love you in person
But I cannot
Not today
But I will.


8. FREAKY

Do you know
How crazy it makes me feel
To just think of you?

9. ALONE

I am alone
With nothing but
My thoughts

Of you.
Obviously.


10. PICTURES

I look at the wall
The ceiling
Blank
Naked, but for some scratches
And I wish it was pictures of you
In plain sight
Wherever I look.


11. TRUE HAPPINESS

I know life is hitting you right now
Hitting you pretty hard
Being forced into therapy you don't want
Medicine that hurts your focus
And now it's ******* up your grades
Which in turn make your parents mad at you
And you seem to be despairing
And all I want to do
Is cheer you up
Make you smile
Forget your worries for just a little while.
I do what I can
But I don't think it's
Enough.
But I will keep trying
Every time I talk to you
Text you
Hug you
I hope I can bring you a little closer
To that honest smile.


12. YOU WORRY

You said it's been bothering you
You say I don't have to stay with you
Because I feel obligated
Because of your mental state.
Well
I'm glad you said it
Got it off your chest
But I would never stay because of pity
Because of guilt
No
I stay because of you.
The you-ness of you
You're just so startlingly amazing
Such a stark contrast to other interests I've had
And I love it.
And I love you.
I'm glad I could at least momentarily
Hopefully stop your worrying.


13. BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL

When I think of you
I imagine gazing into your eyes
As I have done so many times
Those infinite, piercing
Beautiful eyes.
Brilliant, shining, beautiful
Just like you.
So wonderful
Calming
I dream of watching your eyes fall asleep
And waking to the very same pair
Happy and alive
Yet so real
Your beauty
And your realness.
Perfection.
I love you
I could say it a thousand timees
And mean it more every
Single
Time.


14. AGONIZING

It hurts me so much
To see you in pain
To know you're hurting.

You're trying to be more
Independant
You say
Well
Sure, be independant
But I want you to run to me
Cry on my shoulder
Because you aren't alone
And I don't want you to prepare for
A time when you could be alone.
Because I plan on staying within reach.


15. QUESTIONS

You lately have seemed
Scared
Afraid that I am staying with you for some
Pity
That I may feel.
Well, let me tell you
That is so wrong.
I feel bad for you
But that is different.
Because I could never date you through pity
I would feel like I was
Taking advantage of you
So don't worry.


16. SO MUCH I COULD NEVER SAY

I love you so
I can not describe it
The feeling
The exhilaration
From catching a glimpse of you in the hallway
I just feel the need to smile.


17. SMILE-INDUCING

Have I ever told you
That everytime you hug me from behind
I just feel uncontrollably joyful?
And when you refuse to let go
I find it cute
And I just want to stay like that


18. GOOD MORNING

A dream we both have
I want so very badly
To fall asleep holding you close
Singing to you the lullaby of my beating heart
Listening to your breath slow and relax
The perfect weight of your body against my own
And for you to be the last thing I see before I close my eyes
And the first thing I see when awakened
To make fun of your bedhead as the day's first light
Illuminates the room gently
To tell you how I love you
Before you can think anything else
Now only a dream
Someday it will happen.


19. TO RUN AWAY

I wannt to forever hold you
To hide away where nobody can find us
No schedules to disturb us
No cold to riddle our skin with
Goose-bumps
No agony tearing at our hearts
No painful reminders of the past
As the days blur into weeks
Into months
To hold you forever
In solitude.


20. WORRY

Why, love, are you so worried as of late
That you have changed?
I love every version of you
And I'm continually amazed at your ability
To cope
To prevail
But you are not strong enough alone my love.


21. LASTING

I have a feeling
That we will last
Overcome the odds
For a relationship that will endure
Past school
Past our new experiences
Past our differences
And bring us ever closer
More in love
As I feel myself falling for you more everyday


22. MARVELOUS

I never feel quite as amazing
As when I have you laying on my chest
Relaxed and falling asleep
With a blanket
A movie
Relaxation
No upcoming deadlines
Nothing else matters
Just the warmth of you relaxing on me
And my feeling of content.


23. DISCUSS

I love that we can discuss
Our different
Yet similar
Religions.
Yours as yet unnamed
Mine becoming again pure
And we can grow from this
And we become stronger.
And if we disagree about something
We can have a discussion about it
Though I keep my mouth shut
If I have the potential to start an argument
And we stay civil


24. LIST

One of your guesses as to
What I was doing when I hinted about this
A list.
Alright, you inspired me.
Words to describe you.
Beautiful
Intelligent
Different
Crazy
Startling
Lovely
Cute
­Modest
Mesmerizing
Relatable
Foreign
Sad
Lost
Stubborn
Sensitive
­And lastly for now
Theloveofmylife


25. TERRIFIED

Having you in my life is
Terrifying.
I worry so much
About your well being.
I wish I could be your knight in shining armor
But I just
Can't.
Society doesn't leave room for heroes.
It only attempts to create villains.
But you and I
We can resist it
Because society ***** anyway
And we're invincible.


26. DROWSY

When I fall asleep
The last thing on my mind is you.
And it's not just a thought that pops in then.
It starts when I am drowsy
And on the edge of sleep.
I imagine you snuggling close
Burying your face in my chest
Inhaling deeply and
Relaxing.


27. COMFORTABLE

I am glad that you can
Be relaxed enough around me
To fall asleep randomly.
And I love how, even in your sleep, you
Snuggle close
Twitch your hand three times
And whimper whenever I whisper into your ear
"I love you"


28. EXCITED

I love being with you
I love holding you close
Your breathe in my ears
The pounding of your heart
Speeding up when we kiss
Your happy sighs
Pulling me closer
Warming me in this new coming chill.


29.  HEAT

You are warm
You are hot
You keep the chill away
Heck, we could be in the snow without any significant
Warm clothing
And as long as I could hold you close
I could remain there forever.


30. PERFECT LOVE

You are my perfect love
The one for me
The two of us
Can do anything
Beat any odds stacked against us.
Overcome any hardship.
Just wait until we can escape to our life
We can win this race love
Destroy anyone who seeks to foil us
Or just ignore them
They aren't worth our notice
If they try to bring us down.


31. LIGHT

I look into your eyes today
And they are beautiful
As they always have been
I can lose myself in your eyes
The sight behind them
The intelligence
And so much more.
You're startlingly great
And I can't help but want to be around you.

To love
Is to give your life
Into the hands of another
So that in your pain
They give you solace.  
Those of us being given love
Trading our own in return
Love is such a sacrifice
Because seeing the one you love hurt
Hurts more than any torture
More than the most agonizing death
Especially when you cannot do anything
When I am useless to help my love
I wonder why I even exist
Why can't I be
A knight in shining armor
Ride in unannounced and carry her off
To a world of peace
Of freedom
Without judgement
Without those who care bringing about their
Ridiculous love for her in counterintuitive ways
You know she cares about you right?
She's trying
But I suppose that makes you angrier
Hurt more
It's so corrupt that in this world
Love can so easily hurt.

Listening to a phone call
My dad to my grandparents
I find what's going on
My dad fighting his bitterness
Striving to move on
And my mom wants some court hearing
To settle or something
Wouldn't really be good for her
My dad is being nice really
He would benefit
Get a healthy sum of money
But he doesn't want that
He wants this to not happen
He wants to go back in time
But mostly, he doesn't want reminders.
Throughout this, I have found a few things.
I respect my parents much less
I have no home any  longer
My mom is an idiot
Of course she is, she started this
Didn't she?
Or was it some doctor my dad
Forbids me to see any longer?
That somehow
After seeing this man, my mother looked
Hatefully at my father for months
Before telling my father she wanted to
Tear our family apart.
Or was it a coincidence?
I don't know
Of course there's things that I don't understand
But I know some people stay together for the kids
Are we not worth it?
Very few things make me cry
But when they told me
I did.
And I hate it.
I hate this situation
My parents
I just want to graduate and start my own life
I'll do it right
Get married once
Have happy and healthy children
Enjoy my job
Stay in love forever.
I suppose their feat was quite remarkable
They decided to get married after 2 months
And stayed together almost 17 years.
I can beat that.
I have to.
I'll stay married forever when I make that choice
That commitment
That covenant
I need to show them how I feel
How angry I am
But I won't
Because I don't want to make this worse on them.
I just can't...
It's not right.
None of this is.

Destructive tendencies
You are wandering now, fallen
In this forbidden
Torn apart wasteland that is your forest
Your mind
Trees fall as you collapse
Sobbing to the floor
Wishing for it all to end
Overwhelmed
You break, again and again
New scars riddling your body every day
Every moment tearing your sanity anew
Making you cold
Frozen to the bone with anger
Fear
Longing
You stumble across the line you've drawn
You never wished to revert
A tree you're climbing
Hand over hand to emerge
Atop the fragile canopy
As if made of glass
Cracking under the weight of your sadness
As you panic, frantic
Looking for some release
Some escape from the terrifying
Cold
Shadows surrounding you
Sliding over your soul
Caressing your heart
Tantalizing your mind with thoughts of pain
Of screams locked up
Never to be released to anybody
Doomed to torment you forever
Like the terrified call of some beast
A last noise of suffering
Brought short by others
Treating you as some snail
Pouring salt deep into your open wounds
Into your gouged out eyes
Your mouth agape with a constant, silent scream
Tearing your hair out
Covering your ears
To repel the constant torment following you
The forest
Once black
Now stained a ***** red
Towers overhead
You only want to escape
To hide
To see the light from the darkness once more
To stop the searing pain of the past
Reminders bringing about rage
Bringing hate
Polluting your life
Your pure colors become *****
A white sheet dragged through a rainstorm
You cry out in pain
Frantically searching for the invisible enemy
Who hates you fully and completely
Laughing hysterically at you
Driving you almost over the edge
Pulling a blindfold tight over your eyes
Dragging you toward a dark ravine
Jagged, dying plants littering it
But look, in your blindfold
There is a tear
Through it, light is shining
Mysteriously, you are released
The rag is untied
As you peer through the inky darkness of the forest
There is a clearing

Come, now, follow me
Through the dark forest
Dying trees
Please, dear, follow me
I take way now, your life from thee
Sapping heart and melting soul
Don't worry dear, no heads will roll
Shadow forest
On and on
Oh tell me where
Your light has gone?
Tear from your body
Shadows dark
Creaking bones,
Achy heart.
Give to me your sadness sweet
Light fades no longer
Torn up feet.
Escape, you say,
Is coming now
Follow me dear
I'll show you how
To leave this forest
Dark and frightful
Just take that path
For you, tis rightful
Walk along the path of light
As morning comes
Forsaking night
Light unto you, I hope will come
Brings happiness,
Candy and gum
I want a joy
To fill you so
Child with new toy
That face I know
That light now fills you
Love and existence
No darkness kills you
I see a clearing in the distance.

Today is not a good day
Nor is it bad
It is merely
Blah.
Tomorrow is important
The day after is too
But today is Thursday
Like a Tuesday
It's not half the week
Not the beginning
Not the end
Nothing exciting going on today
No, not on a blah day.
I just want the week over at this point.
Tomorrow is energizing
But today?
Blah

These people need so many explanations
For this complicated math
I don't need this help
It's a college level class
Why am I with the lower level
Higher grade
People?
This is all useless anyway
I don't
Won't
Need this in my life
I can do math
But I don't need to graph anything
In any walk of life that I may end up in

To escape this life
This stress
These schedules and time
My dream
My wish
Impossible yet
Yet
I want it so badly
Sunset
Warmth
To lay next to you
And to escape this infuriatingly repetitive
Stressful life

Early in our relationship
I made a drawing
Remove the mask
I felt no need to mention it.
But I think a mask really isn't a
Good thing.
Not only does it fool others
It suffocates you.
It also makes your face sweat.

I told you why I didn't think you were sorry
And you said that you were sorry
That it won't happen again
And I believe you.
Just don't become a liar.

You tell me that
You've been hurting yourself again.
Well.
I'm glad you told me
But I've never been this angry at you before.
I loved your anger
When your friend told you she cut herself.
You're such a hypocrite
And then you say
I'm sorry
But you're not
You're so obviously not
Because you've told me
That sorry is not only an apology
But a promise that the thing apologized for
Will not happen again.
I wish you were sorry
I love you
And I think you can get past this
But I thought you already were
You've told me that you were.
And now you say it's my fault that your pain
Hurts me?
Your life is not your own
I've told you that before
And you seemed to agree
But now I wonder if you cared at all about
Our deeper conversations.
I don't choose to love you.
I will love you no matter what
Even though you seem to be turning your back on my pain
Pain that you brought about
That you have no need to bring.
I have told you that I am always here for you
But you don't listen
I swear I will be your shoulder to cry on
Whenever you need.
But what it seems like you're saying now
Is that I'm less helpful than pain.
Less comforting than hurting yourself.
I can't believe you would resort to that
Without calling me once.

Fanciful
Romanciful
That button on your pants iful
Do a little dance iful
Jump around and prance iful
Typical
Whimsical
Tickle tickle tickle
Swimmin'
Brimmin'
Out on a limb in
I'm not cringin
Door fallin off hinge in
Eliminate the g
Bumble bee
I'm just rhyming now
What a perv right
Warm summer's night
Let's do it right
it right
Smite
The fire breathing
Knight
Night fright
Demons at the window
Beat 'em up with jindo
I'm done...

Oxymoron
Oxford *****
Oxford-y *****
Moronesque
Marked on *****
Boron *****
Down on the floor on
Do the dinosaur-on
*****
Water pour on
Out the door on
Oh baby
Give me more on
Adore on
Implore on
Slam a door on a
*****.

A five kilometer race
Get a good pace for that
Fun run
Don't get the runs
The runs are not fun
Hon
High school puns
Running in front
Of a train
Isn't worth chewing gum
Dumb
Come on, come
That's ***** stuff
But it sure is fun
Jump the gun
I'm not ready
You're the one.
So run
Away with me
We can climb some tree
Hide up there
Breathe fresh air
Wind in your hair
Take this dare
I dare you
I dare you
Let's climb higher
Go on, faster
Don't bring your books...
No ***** looks!
You've got me hooked
We aren't stopping
No time to read
Knit a thneed
Play with a reed
Pipe
Too much hype
I don't Skype
It's laggy
Baggy
Sweats are sweet
Ripped by cleats
Tasty meat
Cook it
Boil it
Don't let it spoil it
Hit it with a rod
Cod
Isn't a game, it's a fish
I wish
You and I
Forever, we could fly
Away from these things
Dust in our eyes
Remove your disguise
Your mask
Take it off
Anything else is okay too
You
And I
Let's run.
It'll be fun!

Last night
I had a dream
A demon at the window.
Though I got him to leave
I am awake
And suddenly afraid of my own shadow.
Dreams do not often mess with me
But I am truly afraid
Though it was but a dream...
Wasn't it?

Medication for
Heartache and indifference?
Seems odd to me
But whatever.

Sitting alone
In my room all day
Not by choice
Forced by a fever
I feel a familiar sensation
I am a coiled spring
I need to run
So badly
But alas, I also need to heal.

I can handle my life
I can stay where I need to be
But when I get behind
It's practically impossible to catch up.

You know
You keep having to change your alias
And though I know it every time
And memorize it within hours
Every time I go to this site
It asks to go to Kestrel.
My computer is idiotic.
Will you ever go back?

Am I too nice?
Or just run by the societal expectation
That you hurt nobody?
The 1% that care enough to be silent
Almost every time...
I would never hurt myself
I am hurt enough by others that that is never a problem.

Kaydee Elizabeth Koshenina
I need you to know
That I love you
And I always will.

As I write
I am only just waking up
And I had a dream
That scared me
I don't know why
Perhaps it was a metaphor.
Perhaps unrealistic thoughts jumbled together.
Something had happened
Though I still know not what
And humanity had fallen.
I had found a group of people to be with
You were with me, love
I was so relieved
To have you near me.
Many months passed
Our little group of survivors
Huddled
In dimly lit sewers
Awaiting whatever fate may bring.
When out of the corner of my eye
I saw you walk out
Failing to mention to anyone where
You were going.
I of course went after you
Ignoring my fear of the scattered heaps of machinery
The darkness, movement in the night
And as I ran
I caught a glimpse of you
Seemingly talking to the air
Yelling at it
Asking why it was back to haunt you
After you thought it gone
All this time
And you began running
Screaming
Crying
And I ran after you.

I could no longer see.
But I knew you were there.
I dived and caught you.
I whispered to you that
You are not alone
And you do not have to face things
On your own.
I would give anything
To see you happy.
And suddenly, I was no longer looking through
My eyes.
Just an onlooker
Who happened to see you return
Alone
But it looked like a weight was lifted
An old scar healed
And I think I would've been glad.
Had I still been by your side.
I know not if this means anything
The sheer amount I think about you
The medication freaking out my body
I just know that I feel uneasy
A sense of dread fills me as I write
And I do not know why!
It may be meaningless
But I had to share this.

Worse pain than this sickness
I endure
By being separated from you
On today of all days.
Well, our six months is just a month away now.
I'll make it up to you.

It's times like this
When I'm in pain
Without a visible end
That my faith is strengthened.
Because I believe help is coming
Even if it never will.
I know it will come
Because hope is never bad
And my faith is boundless.

I'm sick
I have been for awhile
And I want it to go away
Because it hurts
Partially
But also
Because I don't get to see you.

It really gives you an appreciation
For the things you hate to do
When you are unable to do them.
It gives you an appreciation
For what you don't notice
When it hurts to notice them.
I want what I cannot have
Yet I still dream of you
The most unreachable thing of all.
Hidden away in your tree
In your books of things that many
Don't care to learn
But perhaps ought to.
A smile that brightens my day
Show it to someone
Fight these people tearing you apart
Show them your happiness
That you've shown me.
Enchant them
Fill them with wonder
And awe at your sheer
You  - ness
Look at this amazing world we take for granted
I know not how you see it
Nobody knows that
So show them
Show them with your life
Breathe it
And continue to amaze us all.

I still can't believe you didn't catch it
Because you most certainly read it.
Now it is removed
So you cannot guess.
It's better that way.

I fall for you
Again and again
You're a blessed heart
And more than a friend
You help me up
When I'm fallen and *****
I thought you always seemed
Strong, oh and sturdy
But sturdy walls do not fall
They keep others out
I'm glad you let me in
And well you're all I think about.
My love has some passion
No rhythm, no rhyme
And I never shall fall for you
One last time.

You missed it.
I gave you a hint.
It was here somewhere.
Tell me
Do you know?
Because it ruins it if you do.

Sometimes I wish I lived
In another time
Another dimension
With a different story
Maybe similar characters
But I don't think I would choose to be
Where I am
I wonder if I would change
Who I am.
Because that's the whole point.

I am an expert
At running away
I enjoy the exhilaration
That it gives me
But perhaps that's not the only time I
Run away.

Don't go by the river
Unless you are a rabbit.
Because rabbits can go on
Grand adventures to distant
Bouncy houses owned by
Fire breathing
Toads.
Men and women
Are like muffins.
I'm not sure why
Or if they are
But they should be.
Jumping is always bad
Unless it's not.
Beware the pencil
Unless you are wielding a
Muscle-bound rubber chicken.
If you aren't
Jump for your life.
I hate you
Except I don't.
A definition for literally
In the dictionary
Is not literally.
What is a man
But a sack of rice?
Eyes are squishy.
You are breaking the mold
And becoming misshapen.
Suffer me to
Dance!
Drop the bass
And then pick it up
Clean that bass off of the floor!
That was a very fragile bass
And you broke it!
Du hast.
Heavy metal!
Huminaminaminaminaminamina
That's enough
That was a lie
Or was it?
Pervert.
Looking at my elbow
Save that for the bedroom!
Rock on.

I passed a note
A past note
Passed to you
In the past
What does it say?
Here's a hint
This is the note now
And it says
I passed a note
A past note
Passed to you
In the past
What does it say?
Here's a hint
This is the note now
And it says
I love you.

Having you near me
Close to me
I feel a comforting pressure
As you lean on me
I feel overjoyed
It startles me how good it makes me feel
Just to be near you.

I anxiously await tomorrow
Not because of any big thing
But one thing that makes my day
You
I see you in the morning
A few minutes
15 or 20
It's not long
But to even be in your presence
I am able to make it through the day
Because I see you at the end too.
You are my motivation
My bonus for completing the level
And you make it meaningful to go somewhere
I really wouldn't like to go.
I don't wake up early for school
I wake up early for you
Though I wish it was next to you.

You broke
Falling apart
Sensitive
And then you said to me
"I'm fine"

What the ****.
You broke your promise
I want to be there for you
I will do what I can later
But don't lie to me.
Never lie to me.
I love you
And I want to help
Let me.
You've always been alone
But I'm here
You aren't alone
Not anymore
So let me in.

What I have for you
A thirst for your touch
Unquenchable even with the most heated movement
Burning deep
What I have is not any want
No, it's a need
I need you
Badly
And I anxiously await the moment my
Hunger may be sated
Even momentarily.

I'm sitting here waiting
Waiting
For this to end
Everything does eventually.
Almost everything. I'm not talking about anything specific
Unless I made you think of something
Because I'm talking about that.

Back to the old grind
I sit all day
Getting through things I
Don't care about.
I like to learn
Don't get me wrong
But this place bothers me
These people an annoyance
A distraction
Constantly slacking off
Taking longer than they need to
Wasting my time.
My time is limited
And I don't want to spend it here.
I want to help people
Be with my friends
Train in my passion
Learn what I care about
Not things I'll never use.

I fall for you constantly
Every day when you walk through that door
I look like I'm sitting
But I'm falling
More in love with you.
After all, a fall never hurt anyone.
Just please don't be a sudden
Stop
Because that would **** me.
I'm falling too fast to survive.

I now am always wearing
Glasses or contacts
But the world is still
Blurry
I am always just waiting
For one thing to finish
So that I can start another thing that I
Don't want to do
And I don't end up seeing
**Anything