I have this obsession with scratching myself until I bleed. In particular, I scratch my scalp ******. I think it's because the skin is soft and I can dig it out with ease, leaving my fingers red and my hair matted with the crimson liquid. I don't know. I used to scratch my face ****** and raw as a child. Then I got older and did the backs of my hands. Then my arms. Then my ankles. And now my scalp.

My blood and bones and soul want freedom.

It doesn't matter what I do.

To the world around me, I am always going to be "his Taylor."

My ex-turned-best-friend. I've been referred to as "his turf." "His Taylor." And just "oh, she's his."

No matter how hard we try to show the world we're just friends.

I'm always "his."

I used to think I set a fire in your eyes,
but I've learned that was just the reflection
of the one you set in mine.

I am addicted to rain, to the sunset, to the sound of water over rocks.

To the crackling of the fire, to the breeze on my cheeks. To the feeling of someone else's fingers running through my hair.

I am addicted to the way he smiled, to the way she kissed, to the feeling of my fingers laced with someone else's.

I am addicted to the quiet pain in my heart, to obsessing over my fears, to apologizing for things beyond my control.

I am addicted to this boy who has eyes like the sky, to this boy who makes my heart jump into my throat and my cheeks burn and my legs go numb and who makes it hard to breath. I am addicted to this boy who doesn't really know who I am, who just knows who I want him to know, who has a smile like perfection and probably doesn't even know it.

I am addicted to writing. About my heart, about my dreams, about my sins and agonies. About how other people view me and how I view other people and how I view myself.

I am addicted to cuddling, to thick blankets and fluffy pillows, to lazy mornings.

I am addicted to wishing I could share all the things I love most with that boy, the one who I wish I could look at all day.

I am addicted to turning things into him without ever intending to.