confused convictions
carry so much weight
& grasp my neck with
a hard, hard squeeze.

In my life
I am the closest thing to permanent
and every single thing else
is exactly temporary.

they never return your call
says it all

Some time had passed,
and she felt beneath her chin
a pool where tears had gathered
at the end of their streams.
Together. Still.
No longer flowing,
never falling,
simply there, defying gravity.

It's summertime and the weather's fine,
well at least it's supposed to be.
I've got the deepest burn upon my skin,
one that feels like I'm being pinched for every sin.

Though it's early June, we know the sun'll end too soon
and I've got a deep red burn upon my shoulders.
Under the sun there's a reminder of
When I was pushing boulders to get over you.

I was over you before the day was through,
now the color of blood has turned to golden wheat.
Under the sun, my shoulders and skin
have never felt so sweet.

I took the time to burn and heal,
I took the time to peal away any of you.

Your eyes, they sparkle for me on the weekend,
but when the work week hits, it hits hard
and you disappear and put up your guard.

I've told you once, twice, one hundred times
and I can't seem to penetrate your mind
enough to matter 9-5, someone else,
come and keep me alive.

Wear me, wear me out.
Oh wait, you already did.
It's these ones, these broken hearts
that give us the answers from within.

inside,
outside,
in between,
step back,
push ahead,
onward.

like candles we are born in perfect form, some would say, soon to be lit at the wick by passions and hurtful words and then we melt away into the shape we are not destined to take but begin to take and its our aroma that attracts attention, sometimes it's our color but mostly it's that in which we cannot see.

You muttered the words I love you as we fell asleep
I don't think you know that you said it,  but that doesn't matter to me.
I leaned over and kissed your forehead, and when we woke at the morning light, I was finally certain that you were the love of my life.

Razor phones and razor blades, poignant pieces of teenage days.

Buying more books than minutes to read,
It's a marvelous thing indeed.

Dreamer until I die/Doer as I am still alive.

glass-***** mammals flipping through channels
looking for the next bad news to fear.

there's always a reminder.
she can't put this behind her.
no,
no more.

I to focus on me
and you to focus on you.

The thrill of the chase is dead.

happens outside
when you work
on the interior.

be kind
be kind
be kind
let me remind
you
to
return
to
day
one
a sister, a brother
a daughter, a son
be kind
be kind
be kind

I understand now that I was trying to force feed my love to a boy that knew his allergy.

He should have told me -- the chef of my love -- that he wasn't ready, wasn't able to eat.

He should have read the menu and politely declined.

And I may have sent him on his way and we both would have enjoyed a better suited meal to fuel

Rather than pour into a malnourished body, mind, spirit.

all she can take is for it to get better
and find a way to leave this behind.
her past self would run,
but there's always a reminder.
she can't put this behind her.
no,
no more.

There was a flame
slowly suffocating
until suddenly you blew it out
and now my dim heart
blends in with the dark
and I think it's worth talking about.

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
but I'll tell you what I ain't
and that's letting you have my mind, too.

Look at your phone, now, and understand that it is me not returning effort to you.
Look at your hands, now, and feel that it is not me making you feel unscathed.
Look at your table, now, and notice my body not there.
Your mattress, too.

Look around you and see me, and then don't, because I am far beyond you.

I dream to string
words together,
that one day
someone might sing
them & say
that I mean
everything to them
in every way.

Where do I start
where do I begin

I dream he'll string
words together,
that one day
he might sing
them & say
that I mean
everything to him
in every way.

Where do we start
where do we begin

I want someone
to sing to me
that I mean
everything to them
in every way,
& in return I
will sing the same.

a feeler, sensitive,
& indifferent
all in one.
What a confusing
thing to be.

To say good-morning,
and to really mean it.
To say good day,
and feel it, too.
These are the things
I wish for myself,
but more so,
I wish for you.

Are you sure this isn't just a phase?*

Are you sure that the pain will ever fade?

Why is she the bad guy
because you don't get it?
Why does she feel guilty
for all that you have done?
There's never going to be
a good time to tell you that
we're done.

why should i continue to pour out to you
you seem not to care one way or the other
i ask my heart why she holds on
to each empty promise,
break again
and become stronger
strong enough to let go

If you need some love,
you can have some of mine.
I know I need it most of the time.

Young woman.
Older girl?
The faint smell
of Ferris wheels swirl
your life upside down

I am white as charcoal
It means I'm on fire
It means I've been burnt

you don't have to do it better if you already do it best.

Our age only wants to get it quick and leave it even faster.
And you wonder why they didn't fall in love with your laughter.
Because none of it was ever real, none of it is real.

Long list of Starbucks lovers.

You found four last cigarettes,
One for me, for him, for her, for you.

But I said, "Nah, you can't! You've come so far..."
Then I started to think: What's one last drag?

Times before. Yellowed teeth.
**** it, babe, let's just drink.

It's not about where you're going
You said.
It's about how far you've come
You said.
But I wanna go far
I said,
Let's go, come
I said let's go far away, come on

My eyes are downcast
My ears are full of song
My mouth is ready
My nose exists
My hands are open

Re-cap:

I cried because the only thing that made me want to find love again was a gun pointed at the back of my head.

Evergreen,
it's not what you say,
evergreen,
it's how you mean,
evergreen,
& it's how you say,
& it's how you act
& everything in between.

being human is the hardest thing we do.
but to wish to be anything else,
whether four legs or two,
green eyes or blue,
i'd still be myself.

I know why they do it.
I know why they do it.
  I wouldn't do it.
  But
I know why they do it.

I read:
there are no stressful situations, only stressful responses.

My, I must be more responsive than I thought.

there's no other toxic love
than the wind and rain,
except you and I,
we are the same.

if knowledge is power,
and beauty is pain,
then she may as well
stay the same.