I have been in a relationship with my insomnia for four years
Have been on and off with my inability to sleep for as long as I can remember
Know him so well
That trying to avoid him
Is not even an option
His persistance so strong
That I have given up all attempts to leave him
Instead I attempt to please
Feed him with too many thoughts
And late night conversations
Provide him with anxiety
And reaccuring nightmares
It is easy to love something
That has practically become a part of you
Easy to get attached to something
That knows your weakness
Time and again
I have tried to end things
Pursued alcohol before bedtime and medication proven drowsy
But somehow I always come back to him
Let him convince me that sleep isn't needed anyway
That he can give me all of the attention I will ever need
Insomnia
Is the boyfriend I will never be able to break up with
Is the one out to get me
Is the enemy created by my own mind
By my overthinking and fear
Insomnia
Lives in the tip of my pen
In the bend of my fingers
Lures me with words
I cannot keep them inside any longer
Insomnia
Tells me writing is the only way I will stay sane
And if sanity can live without sleep
Then there is no point in doing so
If lack of it
Provides me with material
And the power to write away my demons
Then so be it.

I know this isn't what you wanted.
Not what you intended.
You just wanted an escape
got tired of the weight.
You carry a heavy burden
it haunts you day by day.
And the day it came upon you
was the day you forever changed.
You tried giving hints.
But nothing seemed to work.
The only thing that happened
was you kept getting hurt.
People laugh and people joke
but none of them really know.
They don't know the nightmare
that you call life.
Don't know how hard it is
to avoid that pocket knife.
You hear a joke, another laugh.
And you cut deep, another ****.
And I pray to God that you see the light
before you accidently risk your own life.

Here I lie, in my darkened room
Thinking of you, as I often do.
Letting my mind wander its hallowed halls
Hearing your voice, its welcoming calls
The soft gentle rasp of your deep toned voice
Knowing it's you, my one true choice.
I run towards your shadow with longing eyes
But you always ascend from me, into the skies.
The angel you are, yet you can't see.
The mere sight of you seems to always amaze me.
The ways your eyes glisten and swim so dear
They look like an ocean, pure and clear
I look at your face, my gaze to your lips
That grow more addicting with every kiss.
This is what I see as I lie in the night
As I wait for the day we escape in sweet freedom's flight

That's the only way I can get over you
By being numb
That way I don't have to feel the pain of you ripping out my heart
That way I can finally leave you and be on my way

a brute
a beast
(a being of fear)
fiend
for a snack
-- and a midday's' beer
first breakfast (second breakfast) (third breakfast) (four)
hide behind curtains
at the knock of your door

It's me, that moon and my heartbeat.
We're alone down here with nothing but
Fear and Want.

Fear that our mark will not last
Fear that what we learn next will end it
Fear that one of us three will change.

Want of a life that's better
Want of a woman with lightning eyes
Want of a life without fear.

old songs bring back unwanted memories.
old songs bring back lovely memories.

d.l.b.