Tark Wain

Tark Wain Jul 2016

There are so many things in this world
I mean that in the literal sense
there are bananas, apples and figs
heroine, needles and cigs
the thing...
the thing I am struggling with
is
what matters

What should I care about?
really tell me
is there some sort of roadmap
to lead me to my goal

help me
really
there's *** and there's piety
there's the bottle and there's deities
there's a mountain built above me
full of expectations,
plans and potential
and I have no means with which to climb it

I don't get it
how do other people pick
how do terrorists actually commit to terrorism?
I'm serious
obviously their actions are appalling
but how are they so sure
how do womanizers become womanizers
im serious
is there some threshold I've yet to cross
some achievement I've yet to receive

I feel like everyone around me knows who they are
When I can't figure out what I like

Tark Wain Jul 2016

At this point

At this point

we haven't talked in a while
and maybe that's for the best
I don't love you anymore
perhaps that's for the best too
I hate to romanticize the past
a beneficiary of history like socrates
I'll never be

even so

At this point

we are two completely different people
indistinguishable
not only from each other
but from past versions of ourselves
we are stationary bayonets
placed dutifully and lazily
on top of the guns
we used to be
Always the second choice

At this point

We are strangers to each other
not that we would not recognize each other
but in the sense
that if I waved to you
or you to me
the other would not know what to do

At this point

I don't feel like checking in
because I know the past was better
and I assume the future will be too
its the middle of the story
the part you don't really need
but where you're still unsure
where it might lead
so how am i?

cautiously optimistic

At this point

Tark Wain Jul 2016

Home for the Holidays

Home for the Holidays
Isn't it sweet
Home for the Holidays
Nightmare memories played on repeat

Home for the Holidays
The fighting never ended
Hate out in the open
It was better when we pretended

Home for the Holidays
Still nothing's changed
Home for the Holidays
You all continue to act deranged

Home for the Holidays
I'm still the one in the middle
Home for the Holidays
The never solved riddle

Tark Wain Jun 2016

The Birds and The Bees

The father knew it as soon
as his son walked in
it was his first broken heart
and it had been torn thin

so the father followed after
stomping feet and slamming doors
this was the big one the one
that shakes young men to their cores

The father entered
and dropped to his knees
it's time I tell you son
about the birds and the bees

Heart break like this is normal
but a love like yours was pure
even though you will have many
of this one's meaning I know you're sure

love, real love, is everything
it is a cataclysmic spastic
smattering of everything you held true
suffocating as if you were asthmatic

It's not that love is hard
it shouldn't be
in fact that's how I knew
your mother was the one for me

but somethings aren't meant to be
so when it came time for the power's that be
that took her away from me
the falsehood of love was clear to me

love as if you'll die tomorrow
because you might as well should
because a life without love is silly
stupid, and no good

Tark Wain Jun 2016

The Past

The Past
is just that
Past
Move on

Tark Wain Jun 2016

26 Letters is all Need

26

There's only 26

I can't wrap my head around it
You're telling me
all I need is 26

That's insane
Absurd

26 letters
laid out in some combination
could lead you back to me

26
Really?
It's that simple?

How many combinations
and therefore how many realities
exist

How many times do I get it right?
How many times do I dot my I's
and cross my T's
enough to lead you back to me

What was this supposed to be
and overused drawn out symphony
write

write until you have an epiphany

26 that's all I need
to let you know what you meant to me
to finally
lead you back to me

26

This must be a lie
I can count that on five hands
provided an extra finger

let that thought linger

26
it can't be
provided our history
the right answer alludes me
it remains a mystery

26

that's all it will take
but I can't let myself make the same mistake
it's time I nix
the search for those elusive

26

Tark Wain Jun 2016

You Used to Love Me

You Used to Love Me
Shouldn't that mean something
How can you look at me like I'm nothing
Like I'm a leftover
of a meal you never ordered
like I'm the fifth leaf
of your four leafed clover
The one you wish you could forget

You Used to Love Me
I know you did
You told me
I was the peanut butter
you were the jelly
you would lay on my belly
and tell me anything you wanted
because I was everything you wanted

You Used to Love Me
so why do I find it so hard to talk to you
I used to tell you everything
now I doubt I could tell you the time of day
you look through me
not at me
What am I to you now?
A walking memory?

You Used to Love Me
Sometimes I think
This is going to be hard for me to say
but
Sometimes I think the past is as fabricated
as our predicted futures
We can rewrite narratives as we see fit
to fit the story as it unfolds

You Used to Love Me
I say it over and over again
constantly unsure if I am lying to myself
maybe each lie
is another knot in the bow
I use to wrap up our time together
You Used to Love Me

I think

#love #sad #life