I tried to tell Kyle this
but he hates me
Who can blame him though right?
What a ****** ******* role model I was
He was 17 when he found me cheating on his mother
I still remember the look in his eyes
he didn't care that it was the only time it happened
20 years he screamed at me
I had been married to his mother for 20 years
and that's what I did
I don't know why I'm telling you this
Kyle probably already has
I just want to give you my side
I met his mother when we were 11
we started dating immediately
like the first day we met
and then we got to high school
and everyone thought it was great we'd stayed together
then we got to college and then law school
and it was all the same
the praise
the admiration
it was like a drug to me
I loved that people thought we were perfect for each other
I LOVED IT
do you see what I'm saying
I didn't love her
I loved the idea
the idea felt right
50% of marriages end in divorce
people try to say that means love isn't real
but that's *******
Love is real
believe it
the truth is that Love is so scary
so ******* intimidating
that people will go out of their way to avoid it
they'll marry someone they don't love to avoid it
they'll stay with someone they don't love hoping it might show up someday
What you and Kyle have is real
It's special
and I know he'd never let me tell him this
so please please
Don't be the reason my son doesn't believe in true love
he already has me to blame

A boy and his father sat by a lake
fishing rods in the water
but no conversation in the air
the dad asked what he learned in school
the boy said nothing
as his hook remained afloat
ok the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

That boy became a teen
concerned with bigger things
like girls and homework
and designer jeans
he had his first date
but declined to tell his dad
that's fine the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

that boy became a man
who had a little trouble getting on his feet
he was afraid to go home
to the parents that raised him
he felt his failures were a disappointment
so he said he was fine alone
just know the dad said
one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me


That man landed a better job
and met the woman he loved
now he was secure
and everything was ok
He picked up the phone
and had so much to say
but it turns out that day
was one day

I'd call you
if I thought you'd respond
how did we get here?
how did we get like this?
why can we only come together when we are apart?
we can't keep doing this
eventually we will take a break
and the next time we see each other
you will be married
you will have a kid on the way
and I will know true pain
true regret

I'm done
I'm tired of it
I'm tired of chasing you
I'm tired of acting like having you would mean I have everything
50% of marriages end in divorce
and people might use that to describe a decaying nation
or use it as irony in a gay marriage debate
but that's not what I see
I see 50% and I think that love is a myth
I see 50% and I think about all the " I do's"
that were supposed to mean forever
but only meant right now
50%
50 ******* percent
that's a coin flip

I regret everything.
75. I decide it is time to find her.
I do.
She is dead.
74.
73.
72. I think about her all the time.
72. A commercial comes on and I see a lady with blonde hair.
71.
70. My son's wife left him.
If this isn't confirmation I don't know what is.






34. it's a beautiful
33. I pay a woman to be the surrogate of my child.
I decide being a better father than mine will make life worth it.
32.
31.
30.
29. I decide to make a change.
28. I tried to **** myself but the rope broke.
27. Nothing
26.
25.
24. I couldn't
24. I wasn't listening .
24. Something about work or her mother or something
24. She declines
24.  I propose
23. She changed me I can't believe it.
22. I can't live without her.
21. She's perfect
20. I meet a girl.
19.
18.
17.
16. My father left yesterday.
My mother tries to explain love to me.
I don't think she knows what she's saying anymore
Love must not be real
15.
14.
13.
12.
11. I got an A
My father is in AA
I'm happier about the second.
10. I asked Tommy if his Dad drank and he said yes.
But I don't think he knew what I was talking about.
I can't imagine his dad wakes up in bile
and *****
and his own ****
once a week.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4. I love being held.
I'm too old for it but I cry when I'm put down.
It don't care as long as I'm picked up.
3. Santa is the coolest he gives me gifts and presents.
And I know those are the same thing but I'm just too excited.
2.
1.
0.

Don't focus on it
Don't sleep on it
Don't meditate on it
Don't anything on it

Just let it happen
Just let it go
Just let things run their course
Just experience

Stay calm
Stay smart
Stay safe
Stay aware

I tell myself this every time
but I don't listen
I think it's different
I probably isn't
but I guess eventually it will be
and when that comes
I'd hate to say
I didn't focus as the train came