In my calmer moments
sometimes I wonder:
I'm just a girl trying to make my way in the world as a woman.
Who knows what I truly am?
It's all just living in progress.

Strains of aura,
Strands of thought,
All shifting factors of society, lost
in a world so big, often
I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.

That's okay,
Life is all about discovery.

My office window overlooks a frail tree.
When the sun is bright,
I can see some of its hues.
When the clouds go dark,
I can see its blues!

My office window overlooks a frail tree.
When its windy,
I can see its strength.
When its hot & humid,
I can see its parchedness.

My office window overlooks a frail tree.
It is dancing today.
The rain has beckoned.
**Hope is a waking dream.

"I hate your music, it's nothing but noise!"
I lowered it down, as I just walked by.
I turned around and saw him stare.
I could sense in his eyes, the sentence was "How Dare?"

I guess the perpetual problem was this -
*While he cared about the music, I cared about the lyrics.

I need you so that I could live.
So that I could breathe,
the same oxygen that you do.

I need you so that I could feel,
the emotions that I don't,
the touch that is lost.

I need you to hold me tight,
when I witness a tough night.
I need you because I ****** do.
So that I can make you mine,
taste your lips of wine.

I need you so that I could die.
I love you so that is why.
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is,
*Dream

The way it began I should have known.
Thinking that it'll work out, how could I be so wrong.
Held the thread of hope for way too long.
But he never came around. He was always gone.
I should have noticed the pattern, the downfall.
Because
**We first made love on a break up song.

The World is at your feet,
The days just couldn't be better.
You have friends, foes
And momentary lovers,
You have the words & the letters.

You can see the sunshine.
You can see the blooming moon.
You can scale the mountains high.
You can hike and walk the dune.

You feel indestructible.
You may feel proud.
You may feel conquered,
Maybe, on top of a cloud.

Then with a sudden ****, you face that demon.
The world calls it - Reality.
It shatters your existence,
Confuses your life with duality.

Those momentary flings help less,
Cause much more distress.
They do have their charm, but then passion isn't the sole fodder of the soul.
You think of the thing that would bridge that hole.

Like a boomerang, you've oscillated.
Physically & inwardly.
Some benevolent and some ended bitterly.

Then.
KABOOOOM! The epiphany.
You realize a thing is amiss.
A really petty thing that was taken away, that was dismissed.

The World calls it 'Love'.
I call it - 'YOU.'
----------------------------------------------------------­----------------------------------
*Time has been interminably long. Minutes became years. I never get addicted easily. I’m an island of independence. But I wanted to leave it for you.
Meet me in another universe, one far different from this one. I’ll gladly show you what 150 words failed to convey.

Yesterday, he came in my dream.
I was sitting at the edge of the cliff,
watching the hills,
the setting sun, the river flowing
when he came close & screamed:
"Hey! Isn't the view spectacular?"
I was taken by surprise. I couldn't react.
I just nodded.
He always loved nature in particular.

He wanted to chit-chat yesterday.
He could see from my eyes that I still love him.
But, he made it obvious by asking me: "Do you?"

I looked at him and replied that it doesn't make much of a difference because you don't.

He smiled.
The broad grin.
The sharp smirk.

I got carried away,
Keeping my inhibitions at bay.
I confessed that I still find him everywhere.
Unlike him, this time he showed interest.
"What all comprises of your everywhere?" He inquired
He raised his eyebrow.
Smirked some more.
Two of his trademark antics I always adored.

With hesitation, I said he is omnipresent.
He is in my breath, my mind, my head.
He is in the view I was watching,
He is in the shadow of the strangers,
He is in the most innate things.
He is in my heart,
He is in my words,
He is in my dreams.

Hearing this, he looked pleased & said:
"I am honored, I want to ask you another thing. Can I go ahead?"
I said sure, at least we are talking.
He then asked me where I don't find him,
don't see him walking?

I stared in his eyes, smiled,
and replied - Kismat!

-- Good Morning. The End --

She yearned to meet that mountain.
The one that was impossible to scale.
The trek was tough.
But, because of her grit, she climbed the impossible.
She was in love with that high mountain.
Ah! What a sight it was. She spanned her eyes to the left and the right.
The magnanimity of the view.
The snow caped mountains. The sun brimming bright.
Not a sight of a single soul. Just birds flying high,
the nature playing a tune that was hypnotizing.
She felt accomplished.

Suddenly, she discovered she has vertigo.
**THE END.

A lie often repeated, even to oneself, becomes a fact.
A fact that is your truth.
A fact that has your sanctity.
A fact that has your confidence.
A fact with conviction.
A fact with faith.
A fact with your trust.
And you are so sure with that assumption or that lie,
that when the truth comes back to haunt you,
you hide in the thickest blanket ever.
In a state of induced oblivion.

Oblivion is the place where all my best thoughts reside or I must say hide.
Because Where I will find peace other than in oblivion?
So, yes, that unreal thing is real.
the truth is now untrue.
Indeed, it's a  happy world
when you just don't have a clue.

*"The great events of life often leave one unmoved; they pass out of consciousness, and, when one thinks of them, become unreal. Even the scarlet flowers of passion seem to grow in the same meadow as the poppies of oblivion.” - Oscar Wilde

I thought I am brave,
and I won't crave,
Of something that never was mine,
was never mine to take.

But today, a normal humid day,
I am left to my sources. Alone in my house. My heart is the prey.
I feel stupid and naive.
I just feel deceived.
I feel a null, a void and disbelief.

I just feel I feel too much to be felt.
But still, I don't hate you.
Because indirectly you taught me how to fly.
You taught me it's okay to say "goodbye".
You made me strong like a brick.
Ah, but when I see your smile, it still does the trick.
My heart still flutters and I feel dazed.
oh that smile, what magnificence. what grace.

I won't say I love because you might not say it back.
And it's okay, because I have accepted that fact.
But, I won't leave until I confess something you might have not foreseen,
that,

you were my red, yellow and blue.
and everything in between.