it's all a mystery
next steps new goals
the past is history

can we savour the way the bed feels like one big embrace
can we relish the sensation of air in our lungs
can we try adore the imperfections without disgrace

today is here
yesterday is dead
tomorrow is yet to come

never mind whats on the agenda
ignore the impending fear of death
attempt to appreciate every second
learn to appreciate every breath

balancing the feelings
feelings which sit in my bones
crack your knuckles on my ribs
gutting me when I feel most alone

chapped lips
chapped lips pursed on the blank expression
tingling & lingering
watching the fire ignite in seconds

brush past me, accidentally creeping into my life
lifeless body triggered
what is it about you?
cheeky grin but no sin
reassuring eyes, secrets but no lies

symbolic human interaction
demons becoming a distraction
distraction leading to dissatisfaction
time to make my final transaction

tender, sweet & warm
bearing the sunshine after the storm

I’ll be your Christmas gift
wrap me up, but don’t suffocate
leave the mouth, I’ll communicate
remember to deliver that first and last kiss

it just wasn’t meant to be
keep on saying that to me
you’re right, we both know
I’ll try harder to go with the flow

you’re so chilled, life is a breeze
would you cope if your mind was diseased?
death is upon us my dear friend
soon we’ll be rotting, let’s not pretend

oh, but what if you’re already rotting?
well then maybe we are the same
i too, am dead inside
my corpse tiptoes around in shame

validation is all we seek
then you’ll wonder how life became so bleak
calm down, soon you will decease
unless you give that trapped emotion some release

Little Choices
Make a big difference.

So choose with your heart
And let it manifest.


-LDP

Ang buhay ng  tao'y kay daming hugot
Mga problemang sayo'y pumapalupot.
Ang sarap ibaon at wag nang ihugot.
Mga ala-alang saakin na lang ay isang bangungot.

Sobrang saya na sana natin
Naka guhit na ang mga pangarap na sana'y tutuparin
Nasusuka na ako sa salitang sana, gusto sana kitang yakapin
Pero kailanman hindi mo ginustong mapasaakin.

Sayang lang yung mga perang hinugot ko sa bulsa
Oo nga pala, ang lahat nang ito'y nakakabit na sa salitang sana.
Pero hayaan mo na, nabusog ka naman yata.
Kahit 'wag na ako, ganon naman talaga 'diba?

Patapos na yung aking kadramahan.
Iyon naman ang bukambibig mo 'pag gusto ko sanang maramdaman
Mapait na pagmamahal sana sa iba mo na lang inilaan
Tatakpan ko na yung butas sa puso, para hindi mo na mahawaan

Masiyado ka na kasing maraming hinugot saakin

Na akala ko ikaw ang makikinabang.

When he leaves, there will be a lump in your throat
His footsteps will be louder than it’s supposed to be

You will watch him walk away and you will want to run after him and try to make it work
But don’t
His prints will leave marks like how it would on an ocean kissed shore
You will cry, or maybe not, but you will be able to think of nothing else but the fact that it ended
The entire two years you’ve spent together will flash before your tightly shut eyes and you will beg to fall asleep but couldn’t
Like that time you drank 3 cups of coffee, 2 kopikos, and 1 booster C
Your body will refuse to shut down, you will feel your heart beat towards its death, and you will wait in pain because there is nothing else you can do
You will wake up, look in the mirror and see every single thing that is supposedly wrong with you
Call your friends up, invite them over
Melt into their arms, cry and eat at the same time, do not be afraid to look broken, because you are
Even birds break their wings, it’s okay to not fly for a while

After a few days, weeks, months, you will pat yourself at the back and say you’ve moved on
Your lips will learn how to curve itself upward again and you will make the corniest of jokes
A song will play and the tape that plastered your world back together will surrender to the weight of your heart
Your eyes will shimmer but this time not from the light within
But from the fluorescent lamps that bounced from your tear glossed eyes that is trying its best to just get through the night
Life will teach you a new lesson and it is that moving on isn’t linear
It is not like going through school, where every grade you surpass advances you to the next
There will be days that you will regress
Days where you will stalk him on Facebook and see if he’s doing any better
And it will seem like he is and that will break you more
You will doubt if your love was ever real, if you were ever good enough, and if yes, why couldn’t it just be you?

If he calls,
Say hi
Do not tell him when you’re not okay
He is not home anymore
Do not tell him you miss him
Like it was a rewind button for life
It is not

You will look for affirmation everywhere, anywhere really
But like all wounds, it will heal
It will leave a mark and you will put fences up
Make sure to pound them in real deep
Not to isolate yourself from the world, but to keep the weak out
Plant flowers around it and take a walk regularly
You are not a prisoner of your past
Feel the pain and ask it how it is
Don’t ever wish for the same love
But love harder
Because sometimes, people don’t know how to
Show them

Let’s cut to the chase this is a piece about how he left
I sat down and told myself I should start with retellings of scenes you’d see in movies
But I’m not like him
I refuse to captivate you with flowery words only to realize they’ve wilted from the moment they bent out of my lips
I can’t believe I’m saying this but I wish he was like the others
Those who sat me down and told me it was over
Or sent me a text saying “We need to talk”
But no, he, he took his time leaving
Like he would always do every time he’d walk me home
He’d stop on sidewalks and point out the smallest things that would mystify him
Just so I’d forget he’d be leaving in the end

He left while holding my hand
His grip just enough to not let go but not tight enough to want to keep
Like receipts you’d hold on to while looking for a place to throw it in

He left with ok’s
Do you want to eat? Ok.
Let’s visit a museum today! – Ok.
Whatever. Goodnight. Just leave. – Ok.
I hate you – Ok.
I love you – Ok.
He said it too much, I’ve forgotten how his voice sounded saying anything else

He left with “You don’t understand”
Which was funny because he never really tried to let me
Like how my dad would tell me to go inside my room because “grown ups” had to talk

He left with silence and eyes that never met mine

He left a long time ago
With his body right next to mine
His fingers touching the veins that ran at the back of my hand
He left a long time ago
No one just wanted to say it out loud
Because no one ever wants to be the villain of the story

So, I, I let go
I pushed him out the door because someone had to do it
He’d been standing right in front of it for so long, like a student waiting to be given a hall pass I guess that’s what Catholic school taught him,
To never leave without asking permission

So, here it is
Love,
I have always tried to keep you
But let’s face it, you always wanted to leave
You just didn’t want it to be your fault
So, I’ll let it be mine
You can go tell your friends about your heartbreak now

Through the crowd of hundreds, as the lights blinked and the music pounded, my ears were deaf but my eyes were searching, searching for his face.
He had these wrinkles as an old man does, whenever he smiles it shows and the whole world pauses, my. world. pauses, and I lose my head, I felt possessed.
As he smiled his dimples showed, as deep as an endless hollow, but he showed no shallow of emotions nor sorrow.
When he’s serious, I couldn’t figure whether he’s mad or not eager, there’s nothing to point with my finger, nothing to do even for a painter. As I turned my head I hoped to see, his face that made me unsteady, but as I turned there was nothing to see, nothing but him next to some lady.
It’s weird but I imagined him, looking at me as the lights dance on him, and all the lights were dim and a spotlight shines on him, but I was there looking at him, watching her beside him.
But I only know his face so much, and there was nothing I could do but, but to stand and watch, ‘cause I only know his face so much, but I don’t know know him that much.

-END, end of collection-

I wouldn’t say that I liked it, but his smell lingered like meal on the table, it was appetizing
At the beginning
I thought I never noticed but then I started to take notice, I loved it, his smell, I was disgusted by the thought but I liked it, I fell, for his smell before I even took notice, I fell
His strong fragrance left my skin as he sprinkled his cologne on me, I cringed
I think he thought I was smelly, but who cares what he thinks, I pinched myself back to reality
Pinched myself back to reality
Myself back to reality
Back. To. Reality
His smell was intended for someone else,
His strong fragrance belong to someone else,
He belonged to someone else
He likes someone else.

-END-

There was no way to deny I heard a voice of an angel
A screech from a holy brabble
A voice from the holy bible
A melody you can’t deny
Sure, I might get too excited, maybe a little bit exaggerated, or maybe I overreacted
But it was his voice that I hear all the time in my ear, in my head
His sound waves trapped in my head
Yes, I might seem obsessed, a little bit out of sense, or maybe over the fence
But it was his voice that I memorized even before
Even before we met, the voice that’s been in my head
The voice I couldn’t forget, the voice in my dream, the voice of the man in my head
His voice was so familiar... but it can be just me, being head over heels, being delusional.

-END-