It was two lipsticks and a secret ago
That a text message from you lit up my screen
But my phone goes off and I read your name
The boy who uses pretty words that he doesn't really mean
And my name is not plan B
But you're a tough craving to ignore
Don't you tell me I'm beautiful
The way you never did before
'Cause I hate the way you overuse
The same phrase every time we talk
And I hate the way you think you're something new
When you're just another cliché in the flock
I hate the way you cling to my mind
With the letters of your name you can spell what I'm thinking
But between your indecision and the masks you wear
I hate how I'm only pretty when you've been drinking
He has a f!cking girlfriend and he knows I know that and he isn't even old enough to drive a freaking car and he knows I don't like how much and often he drinks. I don't actually care, whatever he can do what he wants, but I don't want to hear about the **** he gets into. He texts me lies. He texts me spontaneously that I'm "really pretty" and I say: "Don't you have a girlfriend" and he says "Yes".
He is so f!cking unfaithful how could anyone ever trust him if that's how he treats the girl he's with sending other girls lies in the form of compliments. He tells me he's been drinking then he begs me to stay when I message him saying I have to go when really I just have to go because I can't stand him when he takes that substance and becomes exactly like everyone else who's drunk. he and his friends consume this substance so they all become variations of the same freaking person and the person they morph into when they cease to be their own actual selves is a raving lunatic. Well, that's more the **** he smokes and the ecstasy and ****. Drinking doesn't really bother me actually, but unfaithfulness does, lying does, and being a ******* does. Excessive drinking doesn't thrill me at his age, but my real problem is the drugs and the way he defiles his own and other girls' bodies the way he disrespects the beauty of sexuality, diminishing it to a pathetic cheap desire of "man" without morals.
I just freaking hate him.
I'm sick of being his second option.
I think he looks at my picture, makes out with his girlfriend or whatever who knows if she actually has a shirt on, then gets drunk, his vision blurs, sees my picture again but his distorted perception changes how my face looks and he in his intoxicated state gets confused and thinks I'm pretty then ignoring any frigging loyalty, texts me that I'm pretty WHILE he has a girlfriend and while he is even TALKING TO HER. And it is not like he was drunk-off-his-***-no-ability-to-control-himself he KNEW what he was doing and he still CHOSE to treat the girl he is with like that. And even in a sober state, he texted me saying he missed me, calls me beautiful, talented and all these other stupid lies then two hours into the conversation mentions he has a girlfriend.
I know this sounds like the cliché typical "teenaged-girl-boy-problems-crap" and I mostly is, but I just don't deal with stuff well with my "broken moods" and I still kind of want to **** myself somedays and he is not helping I mean I for sure definitely WON'T but I kind of WANT to, somedays I guess and I hate feeling like that and I hate how he adds to that. OK that got depressing fast. sorry. this is mostly just a rant you don't have to read it or anything but if you are reading these words right now you probably already read it all and can't go back and unread it to get those 3 minutes of your life back. sorry about that. anyway. if anyone had advice please comment. I'm way too dumb and naïve to deal with this without advice.
