there is a woman who knows more about loss
than she does of forgiveness.

she bathes every evening in warm water and salt
because she once saw el curandero prepare a bath
for the man who screamed every night
after he met the black-haired devil.
the mixture is suppose to heal.

she brushes her long thick black hair
with a wide-toothed comb.
it reminds her of the way he pulled her hair
when she would try to leave him.
it always made her come back
for more.

she rubs baby oil on her skin while droplets of water
are still running down her body.
they swerve around her chest,
clash near her bellybutton,
and sneak in between her thighs.

but even with all the salt baths and baby oil
the skin on her knees is still ashy
and dark.

she wonders if it is from kneeling too much as a child.
when she would kneel with her sister at church
rezando for the return of their fathers.
each a man who left their mother in pedazos.
they were actually praying for their mother.

or if it was from the holy act of making love.
when she would get down on her knees for him.
praying to receive more.
having his hands pull her hair,
push her closer to him,
to take him all in.

she finds herself praying for the return of her loss rather than for forgiveness every night before sleep.