One loose Pebble could send me plummeting
And I feel an earthquake coming

Besides the screams and panic
Besides people becoming manic

Was the most haunting of sounds, ever to be heard
Surreal and hysterically absurd
As loved ones try to leave nothing unsaid
Was the continuously ringing cellphones of the dead

©Pauline Russell

She left on that Desert highway
Running at top speed
She didn't stop for days
She wanted to end the bleed

Took a few left turns
She found herself lost
She had watched it all burn
Her soul had paid the cost

Her wildness enthralling
As in darkness she was drown
Storms of memories falling
Screaming silence the sound

Do not try to follow
Disappearing into herself, leaving only a blur
She'd taken all she could swallow 
With this life she  never did concur

©Pauline Russell

Oxymoron

Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized

The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground

We all were marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pain you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through

So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning

But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living, then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death, at your door calls

©Pauline Russell

Last night I cried myself to sleep
Counting tears instead of sheep
I need a shepherd to guide my feet
Lost out here on this mountain steep
With every memory I just stumble
Trying to climb over my life's rubble

Inside my eyelids is a projection screen
Showing me  things I've lived and seen
Every bad decision I've ever made
All of life's punches, vividly displayed

For young and broken it was true love I craved
Making easy prey for human monsters to enslave
In my youth I was taught the rules
Of how to be the victim of those human ghouls

I'm bleeding out, but none can see
From the head is where I bleed
Memories continually running full throttle
Like lightning caught and sealed in a bottle

Desperately scrambling up the mountain's face
Trying so hard to find my place
In this world, where I'll never belong
Never allowed to sing my song

This little bird will never cheep
For my spirits broke, I'm way to weak
The pain and agony to myself I'll keep
Till my eyes close to that ultimate sleep

©Pauline Russell

Tears like rain, on her cheeks is found
They are always there, falling down

The sorrow is etched in lines on her face
Still she carries herself with beauty and grace

She's always there when someone is in need
Happy to help with every deed

Yet there she sits all alone
Not even a place to call her own

There's no hero for her to call
She feels like a little rag doll

Kicked to the side
A downward slide

cobwebs of memories are forming in her mind
Twisted and contorted she is now misaligned

She's coming undone, seams ripping apart
If only someone would give her their heart


©Pauline Russell

Red Rover, Red Rover
Is long ago over
As submachine guns are now slung over our children's shoulder

Hide and Go Seek
Is not for the meek
Now it's played by survivors or victims, the out look is bleak

London Bridge is Falling Down
Wouldn't actually hit the ground
But in today's reality there is probability to be found

War was played with cards
Now human life is of little regard
Open up your eyes, for war is now in  our backyards

©Pauline Russell

When I look in your eyes
I see the agony of a thousand goodbyes
The tears in your cries
I see the sadness of the wise

When I look in your eyes
I see the depth of love, it's no surprise
I see the twinkling of a thousand stars in the skies
I can see the moon rise

When I look in your eyes
I see the seasons turn, Autumn comes, summer dies
I see the death of year's, our slow demise
I agonize

When I look in your eyes
I sadly realize
One day we must part, there'll be no tears, no goodbyes
I'll just look into your eyes

©Pauline Russell

Give me my warm pajamas, my heart has been covered with snow
There are only lonely nights, no one to hold

Give me my warm pajamas, there's no one to hold
My bones are weary and so very cold

Give me my warm pajamas, my bones are cold
My heart is frozen over and growing old

Give me my warm pajamas,my heart is growing old
Winter has came, summer's been sold

Give me my warm pajamas, summer's been sold
With the hand of cards I've been dealt, I just want to fold

Give me my warm pajamas, I need to fold
In this world, I never fit it's mold

Give me my warm pajamas, I'll never fit the mold
By my past, my future has been foretold

My warm pajamas won't be why they find my body cold

©Pauline Russell

I'm hidden, shivering behind this curtain of rain
Seeing live through shades of pain
I'm so tired of listening to the sound of my tears
They've been falling for way to many years
In this life of mine, it never rains it only pours
In my head, the scarred battle ground of wars'
Of a million thoughts and memories
Trying desperately Pharmaceutical remedies
Only to discover there is no cure for my disease
Forced again and again to my knees

I use to pray to a distant faceless God
Religion preaching of His grand facade
But He too must be flawed
For I stand daily in front of His firing squad
Mental health continually erodes
Desperately waiting for a lull, as He reloads

Coal black darkness paints my life's canvas
As I watch yesterday's loss become today's madness
Wishing I could feel the firm hard dirt at the end of this hole
I fear it's bottomless, just like my soul

©Pauline Russell