There really isn't anything new
On this year's Christmas Giver Menu.
First we have the 'Accidental Insulter '
Who needs to hire, a clever gift consultor.
While handing you a gymnasium voucher,
Turning your emotions from 'sweet' to 'sour'!
Insults dressed up as compliments are nothing new,
But still,  Cuz, it's a bit hard to chew!

Next in line is the 'Relentless Re-gifter'
With telltale signs on my "new" game of Twister,
Footprint stains and greasy hand marks,
My goodness, my fury is starting to spark!
"Do you love it? " She asks. "I knew you would! "
She was feeling heroic like Robin Hood,
Passing me that tired looking parcel,
I wanted to fling that **** gift right back to the castle!

I thought to myself, "Hey there Squire!
Your ****** gifts just aren't my desire!! "

Will I fret about this gift?  Not one bit,
I'll just re-wrap it, re-gift it and,
Give it back to them next year!
The message, I bet, will be loud and clear.

"The Cheapskate"! Oh, what can I say here?
It's the same lame excuse year after year!
Buying gifts, eluded his 'plan',
He was far too busy, getting his tan.
Gifts to him just didn't matter,
As long as there was a lobster on a platter!

"The Handmade Lover" has a
Life affirming talent making,
But that 'Floral cushion cover collection,
I fear, by now,  is OVERTAKING!!!

The "Gift Certificate  Easy Roller",
Forgot you were plus five and a stroller,
Smiles smugly,  as they hand it over,
I'd need more luck,  than a four leaf clover,
Taking them all in to get my nails done,
Doesn't feel like a barrel of fun.
So, in future to avoid this mad, crazy dash,
I'd love to receive some COLD HARD CASH!!

Now, nothing makes me feel more nauseated,
Than "High Perceived Value packaging". "It's totally overrated! "

But I take courage in the "One Who Knows Me Best"
Their presents always outshine the rest!

"Merry Christmas to one and all! "
I hope that Santa heard your call,
"H-E-L-P!!! "

1 Nov 2018