I lie
Skin to skin
Me to you
Between sheets
Between states
Between stories
Of what’s right
And what’s left
With covers
Peeled
Back.
I lie
Still
As alarms scream
As you whimper
As the dream fades
Into ends
And means
That encapsulate
Life
Into easy-to-swallow
Objectives.
I lie
Quiet,
Committing
To memory
What it’s like
To feel your love
In heels
Tucked in toes,
In fingers
Tangled in hair.
I lie
Because,
If I’m telling the truth,
I’m waiting to discover
This was our last.

Your brows
Draw tight
Darkening rings
Below those icy blues,
And I watch
You seep
From view,
Refusing
To be probed.

It's unsettling
(Fundamentally)
When the thing
You yearn for
From the one
Who once
Yearned for you
Just
Isn't.
Unsettling to keep wanting
Unsettling to stop.
Unsettling to settle.
But then -  
Someone has got to run the dog before 10.

I guess I imagined things
Differently.
That our Love
Wouldn't flow
Down the path
I'd worn bare
When I was too young
To know
I was a person.
I must have imagined a person
Before I was she
And maybe while
And maybe now that
I seem to have forgotten
The kinds of things
That made up
My edges
That fit so well
With yours.

I watched you,
Today,
Hesitate,
While you watched them
From the easy edges.
And I remembered
What it's like
To just be
And to be
Just out of reach
And to notice
No one
Is reaching.
I watched you watch
Today.
And notice.
And hesitate.
But when I reached,
You were gone.

Some days,
I feel lonely
In the dark,
In the quiet,
Seeking
To create
A moment
Or two
Of just being
By redoing
And redoing
With Intention.
Other days,
Though -
Other days,
Everyone
I’ve ever loved
Or hurt
Or been seen by
Shows up
In the alleys
Between
Being
And doing
And I
Recognize
Us.

“My dear,”
I start.
But where
From here?
I search
For magic words
Unspoken,
The ones
With the power
To guide him home.
And with the power
To remind you it’s his.
But the “come home” words
Are worn and weak
From use.
Like I am worn and weak
And used
To the way things have become.
And even alone
With my pencil
I fall into silence.

“Because you drink too much,”
I say
Matter of factly
With giggles in my voice.
You do not giggle.
And as you pull your hand away
I watch something else
Slip from reach
And suddenly
I am alone.

We both know
I’m bad at breakfast.
And good at preparing it for others.
But today I wish I liked eggs,
Loved a muffin,
Or toast.
So we could still love each other
When you prepare your own.

He watches her,
Jaw set,
As her eyes plead
The case her lips
Can’t speak.
“No,”
His eyes respond.
And, “not again,”
From his clenched jaw.
And “no... god please, no,”
From his tired shoulders.
And the dog barks,
And the kid calls,
And she moves as he walks past.
“I’m not leaving,”
She whispers,
With confidence,
To her angry cat,
“And sometimes that scares me.”