Every day I wake up feeling numb
Not numb as in I’m dumb
But numb as in I’m empty
Empty because my brain hasn't caught up with the rest of me
When I feel empty I'm at peace
But after a while the peace is shattered as my brain regains its control of me
It teases me with the first move i make
It tells me things that make my heart and my head ache
But there’s nothing i can do about this because i need it
No i don't need all this oversensitivity
No i don't need these intrusive thoughts
And no i don't need these tears
At least that's what I think
Now these things are all i know they're who i am
Rather than having an identity and a sense of self-worth
I have these
They aren’t weapons or armor that I can use
Instead they’re heavy cases that I must carry every day
because as much as i hate them and as much i wish i didn't have them
I need them because now they're who i am
People think I’m strong people think I’m brave
People think that I'm happy and nothing can bring me down
But they don't understand what it's like to carry these cases to have them drag me down
To have the thing i need to live constantly kick me around

People call themselves crazy or say that normal is “bad”
But when i let them know what i see and how I feel
They always think i'm mad
Not because of the things I say but because of how I feel
I feel like I'm not here i feel like i'm gone
I feel like i leave my body as soon as something goes wrong
But i never speak up i never talk out
Because if I do people will think i'm bad
They’ll think i'm out to get them or they'll think my intentions are bad
But really all i need is someone who understands
What it's like to be dragged and kicked around by the thing under skin and bone and strands of hair
All i really need is someone who will let me share
But i don't get this so I carry on
Bloodied bruised and beaten by thing that tells my heart to beat and my lungs to take in air