HERS:

It’s 4:05 and I am sorry
I am so, so sorry, you have no idea
But you don’t understand, I had to do it
You made me do it
And I called my best friend and cried my eyes out after,
And I never cry, ever
But I did
I wanted you for years, all the years when you didn’t even look at me
The years when you were already gone
I still waited for you
But you changed, we both did
I know I lie but it’s just who I am
I can’t change
You kept trying to help, even after I told you not to
That’s what did it, thats why I had to
You cared too much

I had dreamed for years that you would be mine
I had you, I finally had you
We were an absolute dream for the longest time
And I put up with your cuddly affectionate personality
And I tried to match it

Over time we changed
You didn’t slow down your over caring
You kept trying to help me
I can’t be helped, how many times did I tell you?
Too many, but you refused to give up on me like everyone else has
You should have
Especially after I ruined you with what I did
November 12 2013
I don’t remember the date of course, only you would
As you write this on my behalf
I took that knife to my wrist and did what I did
Because I needed to, I needed some kind of emotional relief,
But I hid it well, not from you though
You were the only one I let past my wall
I shouldn’t have though, you became more of a parent towards the end
Always making sure I did what I was supposed to do
You had good intentions but that doesn’t matter
Call it what you want, but by caring so much
You controlled me

I’ll find a way to move on though, I always do
Even if I damage myself in the process
I told you you were wasting your time with me,
Trying to “help” me,
Or “Fix” me
Whatever you want to call it
Oh and let’s not even bring up the other thing

I will forget you soon
So will my family
They were more destroyed over this than I was,
Oh and thanks for calling them in the middle of the day
To tell them what I did that night,
“Well if I can’t protect you anymore, someone has to, or you’ll do it again”
You said, maybe I would have
But that’s none of your business
Not anymore
They didn’t believe you
I always fool them, I’ve already told you that though

Oh my love, my first love, my never again,
What a funny little world we lived in