This is a Novella For Adults or 15 plus Only.
Please don't read if under 15 years of age.


I'm like 9 years old again and hiding behind an air conditioning box, blowing out hot heat and soothing, in this chilly dark night.
Two obviously newly hired crowns are in front of me, blowing out ciggies. The left is Jack and the other guy is Ronny. Now Jack I think should have been left in his box as he's getting on Ronny's nerves.
Jack : Hey, when do I entertain and and cut out my smile like you told me too, Ronny?" He says out loud, a little too loud, to Ronnie.
Ronnie : I slept barely last night so, **** Jack, leave me alone. This is my rollie ciggie time"
Jack : " I want some entertaining, to do, Ronnie, I'm just passing by like Fish in a big bowl"
Ronnie : Just shut the **** up, like old times you sealed your lips, I won't take this **** anymore"
Jack : But Ronnie, I'm bored and stamping my feet and......
Ronnie: Jack, you are a mother-******* ***** up and I won't ***** you up again as a last attempt.

Ronnie takes out a flat white *****-driver from his left pocket and plunges it into Jack's neck.
Jack : Ronnie, I feel a pain and see red flashes that I.........

Jack eventually lies down as Ronnie's deep black eyes show no emotions at all to a so called friend he has known for years that he killed simply out of irritation & frustration. Puddles of blood flow under Jack's big stomping clown shoes.

This Chapter - TBC

This is a Novella for those 15 plus or older. Please don't read if under 15 years.


" Are you a serial killer?"
She asked me with a serious glint in her naïve gentle eyes that wouldn't hurt a soul. She wouldn't even punch me when I dared her to, a saint and a sweet innocent girl who I tease and **** around with, as a good work mate. She wasn't ******* around this time, and the stranger white collar zombie in the lift with us turned around, expecting an answer too.....
" Yeah, I **** the mundane, people who have had enough of life, I **** the life out of them in lonely alley-ways, with a big butcher knife"
The guy in front of us, wearily smiles like he knows I'm joking but the dark-ness in my eyes still makes him alert, like a deer about to be pounced on by a leopard. He exits on the 3rd floor and the look in her eyes still makes her believe I'm capable of killing. Mind you, I told her forensically how I can get away with ****** just a day before, and not leave a trace. When you read a ton of books on criminal profiling and criminal psychology, they teach you how to be the perfect killer.
" Are you a cannibal as well"?
I would laugh if she wasn't being serious but she has that stern and wavering look in her eyes, she's very un-sure about me.
" Don't worry, Aleshia, I don't hunt and **** little girls like yourself, you're too sweet and innocent for my tastes anyway"
She grins at me with that childish innocent beaming grin that reminds me of how innocent she actually is, there's no darkness about her but she's a-lot of fun to tease and she's a lot of fun to work with. We hardly ever get any work done working together but its always a pleasure to work with someone who is wild about your sense of dark humour and giggle with all day long.
" I would be careful about the Chinese fast food, you eat Aleshia. I bet they slaughter a few home-less people to save money on bacon"
She giggles and we exit the lift on the 38th floor. The view up here is spectacular, all the pedestrians look like tiny ants, and like zombies in un-fashionable style, lined up to their boring mundane daily routines of screen time and trying to work their way up the ladder, ******* co-workers to get a-head and I mean literally ******* them.
" I'm thinking about becoming a receptionist" Alesiah slyly remarks blushing.
" Why the **** not, you look like a barbie doll that the manager will fantasize about, only without your clothes on"
" *******, Ryan" She remarks back.
" Imagine Alisha, being a large fat boot and stomping on all these white coller zombies like ants. You will never **** them all, like ******* ****-roaches in an apocalypse"
" You have a wild imagination, Ryan. So are you a serial killer"?
" I might be, a re-incarnation of Jack the Ripper or that Zodiac satanic *******"

We spend the day, ******* around with my radio. She hates my depressing music so she plays her up-lifting stuff which I allow as she's going to take over it anyway. She's full of beans without a need to get high or drunk, sober and high on life while I am the opposite.
I am darkness but strangely mesmerized by her strangely uplifting perspective on life, she's a gentle and innocent tease in a tide of darkness that I don't know if she will ever be prepared for.
The streets of this city in the early hours of the morning are full of eccentric bizarre people and I try to catch her as she parks to walk to the site together. The dark-ness that clouds the eyes of others look away when my piercing eyes glows back at them, they know not to **** with me because I will destroy every inch of their soul and body. The eyes are the key to survival in this city and she's a saint with gentle vulnerable eyes.

This is a Novella for those 15 plus or older. Please don't read if under 15 years of age.


I can feel my inner chest vibrations, my heart beat slows to the fan's motor relaxing to a stop, the whirling of the blades matching the thumping of my....
" Are you writing a new poem" Alesha asks quizzing, trying to take a peep at my latest attempt at creative writing.
" Maybe, maybe not, probably another short story with my bleakest of endings in an attempt to make you so not happy all the time!" I exclaim teasingly, knowing she will take the bait and read it, once its completed. I may even throw in a couple of references to her just to **** with her vanity.
" Don't you get sick of the food here?", I ask her rather straight up. " We come here all the time. I know you like it because its cheaper than the food courts and fairly tasty but after awhile, it just becomes the same old ****......"
" Nah, its filling, cheap and I don't need to eat anything else until dinner time"
she exclaims back.
" Five days in a row, I would **** for a fresh mee go......."

Before I could finish the sentence, all the chatter around me silenced and every-one freezed up, an entire bus station full of people, like someone pressed pause on a ******* remote, only this is not net-flix but real life. Alesha was in the middle of biting her right thumb and paused right on cue with everyone else"

I look around me and everyone are statues caught motionless in flight of what they were doing. A guy pauses in the newsagency flicking through a ***** magazine while the newsagent guy smirks at him. I would normally laugh at such a thing but when the world pauses on its axis and you're the only one moving, its not exactly........
Before I could finish the thought, my heart starts slowing down to a rhythm of a fan's motor bearing I can suddenly hear, my breathing gets slower and slower and my heart beat becomes faint.
I can't move my head from looking down at my chest but I can feel a presence in the shadows where lighting has failed in the last few days. I can turn my eyes up just to make out slightly visible glowing eyes but the face is obscured of this being about 15 metres away where the cleaners room is tucked out of the way.
He speaks suddenly and in a way that he sounds possessed like Linda Blair from The Exorcist, only in a much deeper voice, almost echoing....
" Choose the sacrifice or I will choose for you!"
All of a sudden I can move my head and my right hand. From the shadows, I can see a ghostly finger pointing right at Alesha. I can't speak but I'm thinking, **** she's only 23, just a kid yet to live her life and this ****** knows I am going to choose someone else but either way my conscious is going to be killing me.
The guy looking at the **** mag looks creepy and shady to me so I'm thinking, what the ****. He's about 57 and probably a pervert so........
What about the old lady sitting by herself eating a bowl of terrayki chicken, she looks about 87, no spring chicken and probably suffers and ready to die. I continue to look around and notice a dove eating food scraps and I take a chance and point at it but the shadowy creepy finger waves horizontally pretty much saying " Nice try, ******* but its a human body, I need to devour, not a ******* Dove you smart-***"

All of a sudden, my heart beat starts to get faster and adrenaline rushes through my veins and everything fades to black........

I feel a knocking on the side of my head. " Ryan, you need to try to sleep more at night, you've been passed out for 10 minutes and its time to go back to work"
I look around me, the guy reading **** is getting a really good eye full and still alive, like a peepshow flapper & the dove is still eating my left over chicken, cannibalistic little **** that it is and......the old lady.
Her head lays on the table with her face facing the opposite side of me. Her chest is not moving, she's as still as a corpse.
" That old lady, Alesha.......I think she's dead"
" Nah, she's just a lazy old ***** like you, let her rest!" she says back, only I'm not in on the joke. I approach the other side of the lady and her face looks like the life has been totally ****** out of her like the **** scene in Nightmare on Elm Street 4 where Freddy ***** face in class. Her face is purple and ****** in, like a skeleton.
Alesha sees my alarmed shocked look and starts to walk over. I intervene and tell her I can hear her snoozing, I thought she was dead but everything's fine"
I escort her back to the table and tell her I need to visit the bathroom, only I'm much more interested in the darkness where the cleaner's room is.
I walk slowly up to the hallway and enter the enveloping shadows and slowly creep all the way to where I saw the pointed finger.

Oddly, there is an antique mirror at the end of the hallway where the shadowy figure was standing. I look into the mirror and only see myself staring back at me. The veneer wood surrounding of the mirror looks positively ancient and has one of those old Hammer film vibes about it.
Then I see it, a ghostly image of a young girl in it, a chill goes right through me as this girl does not lively at all. Lights start flickering around the mirror, electricity zaps me as I touch the mirror.
She then looks at me with a twisted grin of a smirt of pure horror and evil.
" I told you to choose, you're lucky I chose the old *****", she snorts in a demonic voice."
"Am I you or are you am I?" she remarks back and this time, the image in the mirror is that of me as a baby boy, only the image fades like a reflection in a puddle being belted by a storm"
" Don't make me choose again, the fate will be a wrench to your guts!!"

Everything fades to black again, as I pass out for the second time. I feel a trinkle of a nose bleed just before the lights fade to black.....
My heart beat slows down to the whir of a fan's bearing getting slower and slower.....
Like a deer caught in the headlights, a facade in a mirror, a carnival of deceit where the lunatics are running the show.
I dream of I'm a boy being held under in a bath-tub, my heart beat getting slower and slower as his hands gush about and that motor of the fan's bearing getting slower but whooshing louder and strangely, towards the end a inner peace as I float face down. I can't feel my heart beating but my conscious still contemplates a hill where the carnival came to town, and I sneaked in after closing hours, watching the crowds dispersed and the freak show of associated carnival eccentrics migrate to their tents, like drill ants in a set motion like mindless zombies.

TBC. Part 3: Twisted Grimaces of The Carnival  - Coming soon.
This part will be something special, a mind-shattering David Lynch like fever of nightmares and pleasant dreams wrapped in Bon Appetite blood, scars and stitches.

To come right out and say that I've never once touched anything my spirit could feel would be an all out lie. I once had the spirit of, I running, from myself and me  after being caught haphazardly  in haberdashery  like I had some audacity. This time my so called intentions lingered on dastardly, so sarcastically I joke my heart beating  so **** sporadically and my mind wandering around erratically all on its own. Most of everyone else's actions I just simply cannot condone.  I just simply cannot get down with that much complete disrespect. The thought of what is happening next has me quite perplexed because I don't know what to expect. But maybe I shouldn't let things that haven't even happened yet get me so upset. The air in the room has been heavily perfumed by the scents of sweat, ***, and sin. It's like here we go once again. Did you know that I've always been so ****
uncomfortable inside of my own skin. I was almost certain those battles I would win. It doesn't matter, I am just a sliver of tarnished silver's evil twin. How long until I break instead of bend? Off to the ****** bin for trying to vanquish these demons with a Bobby pin. I get there and they wouldn't let me in. I'm not  your foe in case you didn't know but for sure I am a fiend, my friend. Sometimes it's too much for me to even comprehend. I'm lost in my world of make believe and pretend time to make amends, pray for forgiveness for all my sins., Amen

  I must say the time I've spent with you could have otherwise been enjoyed.   At the risk of coming off sounding like I'm paranoid. I am an overjoyed unemployed humanoid that thinks just by  walking out of the house while texting on an android that I could somehow be flattened by a random asteroid. Every notion I once had has now been completely destroyed. ******* I tend to irritate so you can call me a hemorrhoid. All this crap would've  just been so **** easy to avoid. Yet here I am defying gravity as I am free just slipping through the **** void. I can't help it I'm annoyed. I feel like with my emotions someone has toyed so now weapons of destruction have already been deployed. I fried my receptors Cannabinoid. This really isn't even me I've been decoyed. My best phrases have already been coined I can't help it I jumped in the bandwagon before I realized what I had joined. From the inside it's easier to disjoint. **** it what's the **** point let's smoke another joint.

All the voices of reason slowly beginning to fade. Naked as Jay Bird I am only covered by nights shade. Being chased by the faceless monsters I got for every hero I decided to trade. Every single day comes those mistakes I just cannot erase nonetheless they were made.
well hell what do you expect me to say, oh well I wasted yet another day,
Another day, these demons of mine I try to hold at bay
although not even myself i do I ever truly obey
All of this crap was not worth the price I did pay

As I find myself starting to slowly fade
this cancer my body it does invade
It can't be eradicated nor can it even be delayed
wonder how long I have before in a shallow grave I am laid

I feel the pain I often wish would subside
eating away at me from inside
my troubling thoughts are hard to hide
It was to no avail but I tried
An epic fail, a loss in the power glide
Take all of it in great stride
Myself I am beside
Waiting for my ride or die my die to ride to help me ride that pride right on through to the other side.

There's been so much going on lately that I'm not sure what I should even be doing maybe looking for something new to my pursuing
Maybe a new sight for viewing
Maybe a new spell for the brewing

Either way it's all good, hell it's all great but to save me from myself it's too **** late
Self medicate
*** half *** on sedate
I'm a **** up still to this very date
Isn't addiction great
Does anyone else relate

My tragic skies are disastrously streaked  strongly those dastardly intentions reek.
They reek to the highest parts of hell. An extremely throwed off character I was  assassinated in the a truly demented fairy's tale. Surrounded by the smoke that is growing rather stale
I chase spirits to no such avail.
I  pretty much just fell into these worlds somehow parallel
due the full circles I kept spinning in on this **** Carousel.  
Dancing with the devil as the tainted moonlight shines in the window pale. All I  could even think to say was WhAT THE HELL?
. All the voices of reason are slowly beginning to fade.
Naked as Jay Bird I am only covered by nights shade. Being chased by the faceless monsters I got for every hero I decided to trade.
Every single day come the  mistakes I cannot erase but nonetheless I still made
way too high was the price that was paid

On the ground far this side of saving grace I hit the ground in manner that was rather abrupt. Innocent I'm not, I am cold and that much more corrupt. Sorry I hate to interrupt. I'm thinking about tearing down the walls It too me so long to construct. I am the definition of disorderly conduct. ****** if I do and of I don't I am already ******. I feel like I am lit up from the inside like soon I just might spontaneously combust. So I  was burning down the beautiful pain like it was just ashes to dust. Even in the end we are still just us. even if  our tempers erupt, one last time I self destruct.

It doesn't seem like this **** should even really matter, increasingly disturbing thoughts that lately I have begun to gather. Way down deep inside I shove these feelings and emotions I refuse to let show. If I could just give it to God perhaps I might be able to let some of it go. My body has already been  by this cancer  invaded. Its progression can't be delayed or eradicated. Quite unsure what to even think I spend every moment I am awake trying to get faded. I try to forget that probably sooner than  later I'll start. Fading right to black the dark thoughts that no matter how I wish I can't just take back. Unfortunately this is no fabrication this is straight fact. Maybe years from now they'll dig me up like an artifact. Who the **** know maybe I will make it out scathed integrity still mostly intact. It's not for myself that I even really hold concern For in death I have no more lessons to learn. It's about all the loved ones that I'll be leaving behind. In so many places that are usually most unkind the things that get twisted up and rattle around inside my head leave me more than just a little perplexed. I think the hardest part in not knowing what do expect. I wish I knew someone that could tell me what is coming next. Will my loved one be those that will pine as I burn and perish will the memories they have of me be among the moments that they cherish. It's all still somewhat nightmarish. This body's merely a vessel. I have no doubt to glory my spirit will surely fly. Imanage going up, up do much higher and faster than dare I. No need for anymore alibis  no more lullabies. Just this darkness as they close my eyes. No questions no more lies. Not another misconception. This is my last masquerade costume I adorn to play the final charade. I would go completely naked if I knew I would be covered by the nights shade. For ghosts that for years now have been faceless most of my cherished heroes have been hasitaly traded I know for a while now I have been watching the world with eyes pretty **** jaded. More than it actually is it sounds so complicated. I can not help the things that I have contemplated. On my heart it has been heavily weighed how to tell those I behold goodbye. That's going to be the hardest on me myself I am beside. I pray I said.y peace as u accept this possible fate perhaps for the solace and salvation I'm already too **** late how do I know that heaven and hell are really even real will it be there that my forever wounds will finally heal my emotions I will continue to conceal everything is beginning to look kind of surreal on bent knees in prayer I kneel no more full circles will I turn. In the spreading flames I'll no longer burn. I had often wondered when the time I borrowed would adjourn.  Answers the questions I ponder is something for which I desperately yearn. When completely I am gone will my spirit walk and linger on though this purgetory of broken fairytales or will the devil himself come drag ble straight to hell. It's now I quite badly wish for those worlds that were somehow parallel I am for sure of at least one thing I'm getting off this **** carasoul if not this entire Merry go round. I am  like a stero wired for ******* sound. Head in the clouds I drag my feet along the ground never am I coming down maybe myself
I will find out if I just **** around. maybe in what I seek what I need will actually be found.  Deeper down that ever before the dark thoughts I am compelled to hide most of all I look forward to possibly kicking it with my cousin that's on the other side. that alone stays my hand from suicide. It's those kinds of thoughts in which I have no left I can confide. Since once again I am at a loss that has turned into another epic fail though I tried to no avail. In the wind I can almost hear the banshees wail. Falling in reverse from the sky in a spinning of the tail. Dance with the devil in the tainted moon light that was rather pale. Surrounded by all the smoke that has quickly grown long since stale white noise I hear the static in my head it's driving me sane for that is when I get the craziest.  This purple the fogs quite hazy. Sort of like the twilight zone to each their own me and Rod sterling walk side by side wandering lost.  While these spirits give me chase. Inside these outer limits of this Peyton place where I am constantly attempting to save face as I continuously fall from this side of my saving grace. Like the smoke and fog I should disappear without another trace no **** evidence no **** case. go on you do as you dare eventually I will have to get going it doesn't matter going where remaining my biggest question is anyone that's here right now really even all there. Forget the **** dog of the owner beware doing my damnest not to start sinking into my utter despair on me war the creatures I conjured declare my nerves are raw and completely bare for this journey I cannot prepare times now running short so I this world of nothing but opportunity and plenty air I choose to hit the **** **** while into this nothing i stare. I cross my heart on my soul I swear I appreciate every single prayer. Do not cry for me when I am gone do not morn for me today. Just like s gently flickering flame that's burning out slow Rocking my last bowl the insufferable pain burns deeper this hole in my already dark barren soul. I am colder and corrupt the older I grow. Do tell what else does anyone else need to know.

Waiting for the aftershock to subside
I failed epically even though I tried. Reclaiming all the tears that I have cried. Please God I pray you let my transgressions slide.
With the rules I do not comply. Vindictive streaked is my dark tragic sky. I keep chasing spirits and smoke clouds though I just do not know why.
No need for an iron clad alibi. I'll tell you straight I was out getting high.
Chaos and catastrophes seem to collide  pain and turmoil brought in by the rising crimson tide.
I still try to take it all in stride
riding for my ride or die
to help ride the very pride
right to the other ******* side.
Power glide.
Patience short supplied.
No one left in which I feel as if I could confide
my frequent thoughts of suicide.
Hole deep in my cold barren soul just as deep as it is wide.
Pushing the pain way down inside
my emotions I tend to hide.
When my cuz passed part of me actually died.
By myself I am beside
These drugs I self prescribe.
Into another realm it seems as if I did arrive. In this pain I still writhe. Feeling more dead than I do alive.

Dig my *** up like an artifact after I was buried beneath the chaos and the calamity that somehow I seem to  attract.
Make it out unscathed integrity still intact.
Brace myself for the impact. No brags just plain fact. Against Me all the odds are unfairly  stacked
from all angles now I'm attacked. Revenge I exact. Fell right into the trap. I think I may need a nap. Sharp as a tac. Throw out the rift raft
*** for tat tat for *** take another ******* hit. **** close to being lit legit. Another wash up misfit
That just will not quit.
I don't sive a ghit
nor do i even give a ****. Forcing myself into places that I was never meant to fit.

Sporadically my heartbeats inside my chest
as on my shoulders the weight of what feels like the world I attempt to heft.
I would give my very last breath if I had any oxygen left.
In these shinny surfaces my face does reflect.
I am not perfect.
Unless you mean perfectly ****** up. Reeking havoc out running amuck.
In a  stolen pick up truck spitting out tiny pieces of my broken luck.
Thunderstruck in an addicted mindset I am stuck
hitting the ground hard in a manner rather abrupt
falling in a reverse tail spin.
Colder and much more corrupt.
My temper is capable of beginning  to erupt. Disorderly is how to define my conduct. These walls I have to reconstruct readjust. Don't look at me with such disgust. Very few people do I actually trust. Only the ones that I must. Ashes to dust. If it wasn't for marijuana my lungs would rust.
About ready to just spontaneously combust.
Do not try to interrupt. These demons disrupt
do just as instruct.
Stand clear as I self ******* distruct.

Dancing my way out of the the masquerade, to play life's little charade. Intrusive thoughts they invade. Unafraid renegade.  Hand well played.
For a week up I have stayed
Far from the beaten path I have strayed. Orders not obeyed.
With death's  bouquet
Cover the stretch of those already decayed.
To black I attempt to fade.
Not the master of my fate.
No intentions of ever going straight.
Cannot save me from myself for that it's way too **** late.

Solace and salvation I seek actively. About this I feel passionately.
I try to present myself fashionably. But distractedly waiting to happen a disaster haphazardly casually a callously created causality
an abnormality. Get off on a technicality. Distorted sense of reality coming from my badly broken mentality. Brutality, fatality.
What in this actuality is just a principality held over someone else's haywire personality.
Never have I ever been so **** sincere in the middle of the night I am seeing pretty **** clear
I feel as the end maybe growing near. Hold my throttle
hold my beer.
As the dawn approaches i begin to ******* disappear
my mind always wondering if anyone out there right now is even really here.
Burn down all I ever held so **** dear. Swinging from the chandelier. Here is to another wild year.

I don't know what it is that I am attempting to seek actions louder than words proving that talk is cheap.
I run one true deep.
Now I lay me down... To do anything but ******* sleep
I have to many secrets only I can keep.
My eyes been wide open for about a week. My intentions reek. I gack I geek I ******* tweak. I don't trust myself not to misspeak
in the shadows I often retreat unable to admit defeat.
Trying to stay discreet
while I wander this street. Incomplete vindictive streak running from moments that are at best bittersweet. Wish I was a mistake that someone could delete
living my life like it's stuck on repeat. I'll  take my whiskey neat.  
now I will attempt to render myself completely obsolete.

I am silver that's now tarnished and growing dull
Intrusive thoughts twisted up rattle around inside of ******* skull. A broken vessel
An empty hull.  Rock another ******* bowl. Spin spun right out of control. Slow my roll before off in the nefarious darkness I stroll. Traveling where there are only  places my angels dare never to go.

Fabrications seem  to heavily fall as the toxins expell
Nothing more than a throwed off fairy tale that is demented as hell.
Ask no questions and no lies will I have to sell. I bid the a fond fare the well. As moonlight goes pale and the smoke grows stale. I tried but to no avail.
Do another hot rail
Follow a dusty trail.
Now I am weak and kind of frail.
Banshees loudly wail. Hammer into my coffin another nail.
Get ready to set sail. Spinning til I am feeling rather unwell.
In this rather unsavory prison I tend to dwell. Tension starting to swell.

Crushed here underneath this pending doom, my room has become just another tomb
For some grave digger to exhume.
My activities I try and resume but I am higher than a **** ballin animated  all drawn out like a **** cartoon red assed like a **** baboon. Nothing seems to cut though this gloom the toxic fumes the air it perfumes.  Like peacocks colorful plumes
Will I die as presume. This poison I consume.
Burning in the afternoon

Violets blue Roses red awake I lay in my bed stuck inside of my own head. Living my life like I am already three fourths dead overcome with dread this disease is now widespread decency I have not a single shread hanging on by a single thread should've turned this ****** dope right back into Sudafed. Deja Vu all things have somehow gone askew just what is it you think I am supposed to do I trust very few well maybe just two one is not me the other is not you. Given chase by things I once did pursue. Haven't got a ******* clue wonder off into the clear blue I try to keep myself out of view penance is long overdue do not judge me until you know what I've been through. Broken spirits send my soul to shatter crazier I am madder than the mad hatter not that it really even seems to matter. swing batter batter **** tends to splatter dark are these thoughts that I attempt to gather a ******* disaster from these terrors I can not run and ******* faster. Of my fate I am no master forever searching for what everyone else is after maddening is the laughter the echo still a factor all the world is a stage everyone is an actor. Prepare for the rapture recapture distractor trapper. All of this has gone straight down the crapper. Vindictive streak. I've  been up an entire week. My intentions reek I don't know what justice I intend to seek I sow now what I'll one day reap now and lay me down to... **** sleep I have too many secrets I must keep. Living my life of repeat actions are louder than mere words proving talk is cheap into the shadows often I retreat to hide from those moments that are bittersweet gone in a heartbeat I cannot admit defeat. Even when I am not able to remain discreet my situation is not so unique.  Especially when I am on straight tweak   incomplete unwilling to trust myself not to misspeak one true deep a broken heap I attempt to render myself obsolete.  A sinner  faithless chased by ghosts that are faceless. In a time that seems fadeless. Traditions that seem ageless valor that is said to be contagious when an ignoramos is made ****** famous by their intentions heinous. Shameless are the brainless that were sent to sustain us unable to cover our bareness with fairness. Nightmarish memories we hope will perish. Spread awareness. The dead stare less and  there is nothing I wish to confess. Other than Im a hot mess with emotions that I cannot seem to express. Under duress I stress more or less here hard to press issues I still need to address. I obsess repossess I congest truth hard to digest under protest. **** with the best and die like all the rest. In these chaotic frabracations,  that are really next level fairy tales demented as hell.  The heroes they have all fell Into worlds that are somehow parallel turning full circles in this **** carasoul. Until I start to feel rather unwell. Right around the time of this epic fail I bid thee a fond fare the well ask no more questions and no lies will I attempt to sell. Dubious interactions can't get no satisfaction riding off in a two wheeled contraption. Without desire withholding passion in true losers fashion. Character's assassin. A week's worth of rations. Hope just for the dashing. Thrashing these drugs here are for stashing. For a party worthy of crashing. Mention it not even in passing. Ever lasting. Broadcasting. Fasting. Reacting. Relaxing everything is so distracting.

Sometimes poems are rough,
When you're writing when life is tough.
Often just writing isn't enough,
You have to take your feelings, make them feel pretty.
Even though most of what I'm feeling,
Is pretty gritty.
Fitting.
Someday people are gonna have to wake up,
And realize,
****'s tough, life is rough, it's already bad and I just woke up. ****.