Hours of labor, and minutes of rest
Only to be taken away from the breast.
Months of pain, hardship, and fear,
But, in the end my decision is clear.

I am not ready to bear a child on my own
My partner has left me; I am all alone.
My baby will do well in the hands of another,
Anyone but me could be a better mother.

So I hand off my child into the arms of a nurse,
Knowing for the rest of my life I'll be cursed.
She cradles her gently, and holds her with care,
While I lay there and wallow in self-hate and despair.

She brings back my daughter all squeaky and clean
Her new parents follow with eyes all agleam.
They name her Grace, meaning "gift from God,"
I smile and laugh, feeling like a fraud.

I hand her over, my baby no more,
As she leaves my hands, I feel a jolt in my core.
I'll never see her again, but I know this is right,
They're taking my darkness to turn it to their light.

I drive away from the hospital, with a wave and a smile
Knowing I'm leaving behind my child
...

It is hard to
comprehend,

what you mean to me.

I could fall to you
and
I don't think
I would
mind.

But the real question
too crossed to
understand.

For where are you now?

You have tried so hard,
for
I have seen it, a glimpse.

I witness your grief,
dear,
and its all too
familiar.

We are the same,
but you left,
and I was gone once again.

We could have shared,
such a simple
occurrence.

But even that was taken.

Dear,
I've been lost.

But finding you is only the
beginning.

Because,
it seems,
your walls are almost as tall,
and thick,
as mine.

And you lost yourself as well,
along the way,
once upon a time,

and I return, and
I see it.

Disconnecting completely,
and this time,

I understand.