i am not a woman. but
my time in the shadows
has taught me
how best to love them.

yes, i have loved others
but my capacity
for loving women
is unmatchable.

years of denial,
turns to regret-
fueled yearning for
a love ‘unattainable’

until now.

what a gift it is
to love and be loved by
a woman.

i accidentally came out as gay
when i was only 6 years old
cuz i acknowledged feelings
for my best friend who was a girl.
a teacher knelt beside us and told me
my feelings were wrong.
(BUT HOW CAN FEELINGS BE WRONG IF I FEEL THEM?)

i anxiously came out as bisexual
when i was 12 years old.
and was met with the same words
i'd been dreading to hear again:
my feelings were wrong.
"you'll grow out of it”, my mother said.
(WELL I HAVEN'T SO FAR HAVE I?)

i defiantly come out as a (bi) lesbian
now at 22 years old.
it’s a long time coming,
long overdue.
i am a bi **** thru and thru.
and i’ve never felt more right.
(I’M TIRED OF HIDING MYSELF FOR YOUR SAKE.)

it took me almost two decades to realize
if i try to live by the standards of others
i(t)’ll never be enough.
leaving behind the agony of perception.
embracing this idea of ‘contradiction’
cuz really, nothing is more confusing than
having to hide this big a piece of yourself.

"i am not just bisexual
i am a lesbian
i am not just a lesbian
i am a bisexual lesbian.

i have had love for a woman
deeper than for any man.
i desire a woman to be my partner in life.
i love women.
i am a lesbian.

i have loved men.
i have sought love where it offered itself.
today i choose to choose a woman.
i love women.
i am a lesbian.

and too
i am bisexual
in my history
in my capacity
in my fantasies
in my abilities
in my love for beautiful people
regardless of gender.

i have the right
to claim my lesbianism
and my bisexuality
even if it confuses you."

it’s taken me too long;
too many years and forced feelings
to let myself be shoved back
into your neat, little boxes
of simple binarism.
there is nothing simple
about being a trans ****.