you fill the space where i should be with thoughts of yourself.

coercion is not only the absence of “no.”

it is also the “yes” that is given when the option of “no” is stripped away.

please don’t forget that your “yes” was not a “moment of weakness” or a “sin you have to repent for”

you said “yes” because “no” wasn’t an option. and that’s not really saying “yes” at all.

Any memory

you repeat turns easily --


into a desire.

I'm laughing at what
I almost said
out loud

a boy once told me he loved me.
i told him i needed space.
he begged me not to hurt him.
i hurt him anyways.
a boy once told me he loved me.
but i chose to love myself instead.

You came to me at an interesting time in my life.
You came to me when I chopped my hair into the style they call “butch.”
You met me when I moved out of my parents house and began paying bills and buying
my own cold medication.
You came to me when summer turned to winter, bypassing the fall, and I bypassed the
transitional stages of adolescence straight into adulthood.
You met me when I was faced with the decision of whether or not I would stand up, or
stay face down.
You met me many nights, when I sat alone with the pills and contemplated the dosage
that I’d need to either feel okay or to feel nothing at all.
You were there every time I put the pills away and went to bed instead.
You’re still one of my closest companions.

Every day it seems you come to me and say “Hey butch. Things will get better, including
your awful haircut.”