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Sarah Foster Feb 2019
Am I a piece of who you are now? Do you carry me around?
Sarah Foster Jan 2019
Please don’t hurt me
I beg
I plead
Please do not hurt me
You do not reply
You know your motive
You want this to end badly
You want us to bleed
You lie
You lie again
You tell the truth
You only tell a part of it
You hide it
You can’t lie about what you don’t tell
You should tell me
I can’t stop thinking about the spaces
Between I and love and you
Sarah Foster Jan 2019
It’s like this
I’ve told you everything there is to tell
What am I supposed to say to anyone else?
There is nothing left to say
There will never be anything new
I keep changing
I experience things
New feelings
New people
New emotions and thoughts
But there is nothing new to say
Because I have said it all
Connecting with people is not an option
Because all my strings are still knotted to you
We both try to cut them
But there’s no coming loose
Sarah Foster Jan 2019
I choose who sees me.
Why did you see me?
I will not forgive you for this.
My existence affected you.
Why did it affect you?
How does someone know another well?
How does someone know things they were not told?
Did you see my hands shake?
They still do.
Please don’t look at my hands.
I know your hands shake.
Thanks for holding my hand that one time.
It was nice of you to take it off my neck.
Sarah Foster Jan 2019
Why are you sad?
Art is camouflage.
I must wear my feelings on my skin.
No one will know how I feel.
Do I feel?
How do you feel about me?
Why does no one ever answer that question?
The answer must be they do not.
Do they feel?
Help.
I never understand.
Someone told me I understand human emotion very well.
I never understand.
Why is almost a word?
I want to rip it out of existence.
I am not gentle.
Do I hurt people or do people hurt me?
I wish I was gentle.
I want to touch something without breaking it.
I think I have broken myself while writing this.
Are people looking at me?
Do they see the pieces of me falling to the ground?
This poor, broken girl.
No. I am invisible.
I like it this way.
It is okay if you don't love me.
I would prefer you not see me.
Do you think about me?
Yes. I can feel it in my chest when you do.
Or maybe I feel it in my chest when I think of you.
We can't forget people on purpose.
That pleasure is saved for accidents.
Sometimes I see people that look familiar.
Sarah Foster Jan 2019
I want someone to relate to.
Please don't look at me.
Do you know what I'm thinking?
I'm sorry my eyes are so loud.
Please tell them to be quiet.
You probably aren't comforted by my silence.
What should I talk about?
Do you ever feel something so deeply
       you feel like you are not feeling anything?
Is that why I never feel anything?
Some things hurt.
When someone pulls you in closer
       they are going to break your heart.
I never pull away.
I don't have a heart.
But it is broken.
Sarah Foster Jan 2019
Untouched places. I cannot keep happiness for myself. I have to share it with everyone. A pure place becomes poisoned by their footprints. Memories of them cover the ground in the form of weeds. I could try to tear them from the dirt but what is the use? I bring someone new to **** them for me but no! Their roots are tangled. How will I rip them out now? I try again. If these weeds were flowers this garden would be beautiful. My once safe place is safe no longer. The weeds, they will grow. I will lie down and disappear within them. They were good memories once. When I was young I never understood why my mother plucked them from the ground. When I was young I thought everything beautiful. My mother is still beautiful. When I was fourteen I started hurting myself. When I was fourteen I knelt next to my mother. We compared our ***** hands. Mine look more like hers with every year. Her weeds grew at home. Home was never a pure place. I let the weeds grow and when I left I set them on fire. She envied me for this. She does not know all the places I must pick the weeds from. She does not know I find safety anywhere but there. She does not know I plant the poison. She does not know I invite them there. I do not want the false image of safety. I bring the danger so it comes at no surprise. Imagine your beautiful garden, cared for for years and there! Where did it come from? No. I hate surprises. I know where my weeds grow from. Those **** footprints. But whatever. I'll find another pure place. Maybe this time only my footprints will cover the ground, flowers growing from each one.

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