Chest tight
Heart racing
Breath shallow
Always the same
Crashing waves of thought
A sea of hysteria
Paranoia
Regret
Shame
Swirling dark waters
Drowning who I want to be
Plunging me deeper
Surely to be washed up
On some shore with waning waters
Stranded
Spit out among the rocks
Bleeding and battered
Terrified of living
Alone
Forced to wait
For the rising tides
Again

Your eyes will always touch me
In a way that I know your hands never will
And now the distance cuts me
So I’m begging for scars so I’ll know I can heal

These open wounds needs closure
But it’s the bleeding that reminds me I’m alive
Whatever this is it’s torture
I want to see you, but can’t bare to be by your side

I love to think that you still think of us
So I’m not the only one that’s still in love

The things you say and the things you left unsaid
**** with my head
We’re perfect strangers and we’re still the best of friends
Just makes no sense
I have to believe I knew you
That I could close my eyes and see right through you
Just tell me once I was the only one
And tell me how to live now that it’s done

Past and present swirl around me
Thoughts of all I’ve done and where it might have led
Love and hate, anger and grief
Storming emotions only force me to see red

Eyes so green, memories so blue
Yellow days gave way to grey nights full of foolish truth
Winter revealed the fire in you
I got caught in the flames thinking I was fireproof

I love to think that you still think of us
So I’m not the only one that’s still in love

The things you say and the things you left unsaid
**** with my head
We’re perfect strangers and we’re still the best of friends
Just makes no sense
I have to believe I knew you
That I could close my eyes and see right through you
Just tell me once I was the only one
And tell me how to live now that it’s done

Most people live one life
But somehow I live two
One that’s here and one that’s there
But neither seem to do
For what I truly long for
Is something that can’t be
A life of easy living
And a life where I am free
Free to follow voices,
Seek both chaos and order
And free to learn some choices
Soon give way to ******
Because every decision
Brings death to a path
Where a choice was not made
That road is met with wrath
Wrath that devours the future
Of what might have been
And leaves in its wake
A regret that will not bend
That will not break or crumble,
Nor become easier to bare
But will always be my burden
On my journey here or there

As my eyes close
Words shine bright
Like beacons in my mind
Signaling the end
Of my dream to sleep
Awakening the nightmare
Of strands of thought
Looping and tangled
Unceasing it seems
Bound to run
In my stillness
Racing toward rest
Chased by wonderings
Relentless in their pursuit