I knew you loved me, but I did not know if it is was as much as I loved you, if it was enough.
I remember that night; I was drunk on reality and realized life is rarely fair.
I decided I would pull back, see if you noticed,
And that’s when I realized, whether I wanted it to be or not,
Love was a game.

You texted me saying that if you called me tonight, it was because you were drinking and that was it, no other reason.
But I thought back to all of the times I called you drunk, and it wasn’t because I was bored.
You are your truest self when you become enveloped in liquor, and my truest self craved you and your trustest self needed me.
But I know things are different now, and I know if you call it won’t be like before, I tell myself this until the words sound funny.
I close my eyes and wish away the hole in my heart, but not before I turn my phone ringer all the way up.

He was like *****.
When mixed, ***** will fill you with a warm, comforting sensation. The kind that invites you to be your true self without causing impermeable amounts of damage
However, when it is not mixed, it will hit you harder than you expected and suddenly your world is upside down, doing things you never expected.
It needs to be diluted, weakened.
You need to control it, or it controls you.
I wonder if I had diluted him, kept some distance instead of falling immediately, if things would be different.
But I didn't, I took him like a shot, and my throat is still burning.