they have their hands all over my body
from miles away
across the country
no, across the globe
they have groped my chest
like children with a shiny, new toy
wrapped chains around my stomach
kept the key out of reach
deciding themselves that this is their right

they have given me an impossible standard
and no matter how much self love I have
i still think of starving this chapel
until what protects my body melts away
like a popsicle in a hot summer's heat
i hear behind closed doors
the way they can define me in a single word
they way they reduce me to a single caricature

. . .

it is scary
how many of you do not realize
that you are the "they" i speak of

The music was never sad
But now it is
And I can’t quite put my finger on the reason
The wind has quieted down
And the birds are sleeping in the nest
There is a sinking in my stomach
A bug crawls across the screen
Maybe it’s just the night, the wind says
But I don’t think that’s why
No, that’s not the reason why

who ever thought

that life could become

    so

              incredibly



                     ­                 lifeless.

there are girls
that glow like a warm sunset
their bodies are flowers
delicate and small and easy

i am seventeen soon
two days from sunday to be exact
i don’t know how i feel about growing old
i still feel like i am waiting to be young
will it always feel like this?
there were days when seventeen seemed
so unattainable
i didn’t plan to still be
but i’m here i guess
seventeen
how odd

if i died tomorrow,
the many poems stuck in my head would be left unwritten,
and the lyrics hidden in my guitar would remain without a tune.
the "i love you”s i carried to and from school would be covered in regret like thick dust,
almost as heavy as the chains made of “i’m sorry”s concealed in side pockets of my backpack.
the kisses I saved for the right moment would remain in my desk drawer,
melting into a gooey mess of doubt and hesitations.

if i died tomorrow,
i would beg for more time,
and for that I am ashamed.

It was a good life.
For sure, there was no doubting that.
there were parties,
and fun and excitement,
and adventures and lovers and affairs,
and everything anyone had ever wanted.

But that was before.
That was before he met her and his life changed,
and he no longer wanted to aimlessly
but charmingly stumble through the rest of his life.
He was so busy running from one place to the next that before he could stop himself,
she was gone.

And now,
all that was left was a memory.