there was a time
when i was enough for myself . . .
and i do not remember the exact moment
when i decided that i was no longer good.

i seem to always be waiting
perpetually counting the seconds
the minutes
the days
the months
the years
until someday comes.

i am tired.
i do not want to wait anymore.

and i was never told about lust
and the way that it makes love rust

- FELIVAND

he was an angel, you see,
and that was the problem.

i don't think i believe in love anymore
it's just a transaction of brief attraction
it's what the poets write of
what the poets dream of
what hides behind every locked door
they find themselves standing in front of

but dreams aren't real
and thoughts are deceiving
love is a fleeting negotiation

but here we are
still wondering why all the great love stories end in tragedy

there's a boy
but he doesn't know i exist
and maybe i'm okay with that
there will be another
some day
and maybe he will see me
like no one else has

i think about the time when my parents just loved me for being their daughter.
now i have to prove that i am worthy enough to be loved.