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Mr. *******,
Mr. Oh here comes another pretentious cry for attention
I know self-deprecation babydoll
like you know his bedroom ceiling
Mr. International
jetted out from UK to the land of the silent heroes
where the grass isn’t green enough
and everybody was seemingly either
addicted to donuts, bacon, and cheese
or 5K’s, yoga, and weights
they don’t sell **** by the ten pack either
Mr. Liar Liar pants on fire
masochistic almost autistic
Mr. High or Drunk
Caffeinated thrift shop hipster
loves the girls until he has them
scrooge McDuck
I do believe misanthrope is the word
but always first to crack the whip of jokes in bad taste
if he were homeless he’d hang a sign around his neck
it would read:
Will somebody, for the love of God, please Validate me!?!
Mr. Rational thought secretly praying in the back room
Mr. Intellectual Dropout
don’t judge me judger
Mr. I’m brave for doing this
Jesus I am terrified
Mr. I could be great
if I could just find a ******* desk chair comfy enough
"Rules are important,"
one may try to postulate;
awareness is key.
I am somewhat antiauthoritarian, as it were.
It’s fact, fiction, and lies, as the devil continues to pry
On my soul and my flesh, punching holes like paper on a teacher’s desk,
Slouched over I’m a mess, a mess as a drunken sketch
This feeling I’ll match it - with a match lighting this torn cigarette.
I feel evil caress the stress imploding my chest
With no one to impress I rip apart my dress
Naked I confess, take a breath and cover my mouth with mesh…

Yes, mesh, I guess I’m scared to be deprived completely of air,
A bit here and there, taking it as I declare
I’m comfortably bare beside my ***** ******* chair
Prepared to spare my body physically impaired
I glare with despair; Life is not fair
I’m too late to repair, how dare someone not care…

Not care, to act blind and deaf to me cry like a dying swine
Denied. That’s fine. The destruction returns with black clouds in the sky.  
Empty time combined with the drought of your hasty good bye,
My pounding, bound mind can’t find words to describe.
With tear-filled eyes I lie and line my body with it’s design,
Blissful hate, You can define me as a Divine Crime.

This divine crime procrastinated, not yet committed,
Still addicted to the sadistic ways of the wicked.
Twisted liquid drowned the fear unconstricted,
Thriving off the blade penetrating my skin’s system.
Transmitted blood puddling just as I’d written,
Delivering my limit as predicted, I just couldn’t have committed!

Not so much committing to him but more my life,
Uncertainties of my nature were as cold as ice.
Precisely entice yet deceive I’d slice and not think twice,
My heart is charcoal, as small as a grain of rice.
Love is dry and old, cannot be marked with a price,
So listen to my advice - I’m a toxic prosthetic device to ruin your life.

The Devil Inside.
**A Divine Crime.
In a peculiar, far off, world, time and place,
The trivial past would be irrelevant, chased away then erased.
Contrary to the reality of distorted lies in front of my face,
These eyes cannot mask fraudulence or disgrace.
Chasing them down with a trace of a defaced case of toxic waste,
I pace as my thoughts race of the time that’s left until I dissipate.
Looking into the murky vase with dying flowers desperate to be replaced,
Misplaced to the one who’d obliterate the beauty I once embraced.

Within my sorrow I woke, shattered love replaced with a heart no longer broke.
Soaked with what I could never cope, I felt passion and choked on my once false hope.
This vision evoked a note; a call of duty for you, my eternity to devote.
Instinctively I knew, the words stuck in my throat, but blindly every incline eventually has a *****.
Surrounded by mirrors shielded with smoke,
As we stared we shared yet nothing we spoke.
Your presence was felt but disguised with a cloak,
Confined in your skin, comfortably lost afloat, for your soul I searched to perpetually stroke.

With blurred vision I envisioned, stood silent, anxious of your condition,
Division of indecision was nothing less than your frightened inquisition.
A hallucination on a mission of who was out to hurt you with consistence,
I understood as you tried to piece together the suspicion of our composition.
Guarded and in position to react upon intuition then the smoke disappeared and you saw our reflection.
No longer was my presence an imposition now in recognition you accepted the ignition of a united evolution.
Successful revision disposed internal superstition,
Our collision created a premonition for our future decisions of precision.

The past’s paths we chose were restricted to our addiction and careless indifference,
The assistance of negative influence stripped us of our innocence.
Blood shot eyes, negligence of appearance, abstracted resistance only creating distance.
Ambiguous and inexperienced, taking shots and hits in an instance,
Distorted images, lacking clarity, the abuse of substance left an absence of existence.
Building tolerance whilst sabotaging resilience, guilty and unable to admit repentance,
Without a witness, secret and safe, no justice to serve and no one to listen.
A mission incomplete and persistent,
We continue to envelope in our disappearance.

In the seam of my sickness I submerge within these contaminated nerves,
Fearing the silence with thirst not to be disturbed,
But absurdly I yearned your unhealthy and perplexed words to be heard,
My tender nature reserved an exclusive place to keep you conserved,
Unstable but concerned I’d preserve you like an herb,
I slurred for forgiveness but observed perhaps this was my turn,
But with your freedom you turned away and flew away like a bird.
Now relentless and pure I burn the surface of my figure, no intent to return.

Yet once we were young, wild and free,
Conducting our train with no fear of where we’d soon be,
The sweet breeze guaranteed the destination with ease,
Imagination without knowledge, amid glee and degree,  
We’d dive and rise above the salty sea,
Later meet beneath that tree with belief the starry sky we’d seize,
Through the debris you still held in your hand the key,
And we’d conquer our dreams, what we sought and believed.

But as I’ve grown within my questioning dome,
My home of stones has nothing to be shown,
Prone to disown my weakened skin and bones,
Candidly I pacify the clone I’ve never known.
In hopes to be flown far ahead of this zone,
I’d hover above in a whispering tone, draining my disease as it’s blown.
My soul will glisten and roam, looking down at my new golden throne,
As I’ve postponed to recognize the beauty of the Earth & my own – No longer shall I be alone.
 Feb 2014 Stephanie
Andrew Durst
I always ask myself questions:
am I good enough?
do I really have potential?
does anyone actually care?
why do I feel so displaced?
It's upsetting; knowing that I'll probably never have the answers I'm looking for.
But, I guess it's meant to be that way.
Whether or not it's for better or worse, I'll never find out.
These questions I have are the offspring of my doubt.
I'm trying my best to keep these feelings of disappointment and stress at bay.
But every time I try to speak; I find myself searching for the words to say.
 Feb 2014 Stephanie
Jeremy Bean
I've drawn a blank again
perhaps its happiness
or maybe I'm just foolish
loneliness shadowed in bliss

That dug beneath my skin
itching to get out
words wither in its drought
awaiting the angst, hurt and doubt

for something to write about
 Feb 2014 Stephanie
Sir B
Should I love you
and send you an
blush of roses
or
just a box of chocolates
or maybe
just a simple card
expressing my deep desire
to love you for an infinity

Maybe

I could just hope to be loved
by you
and expect roses
and chocolates
or just a sincere card
expressing your love to me
for an infinity

But we both do know
that it won't happen
we are "forever alone" people
nothing good happens to us

so the end question becomes

should we love?
or
just wait to be loved?

Hard question that is.
A poem made for valentines day. I expect nothing from anyone, i mean. I have no reason to.. unless someone is generous enough to.. I don't think they are.. Well oh well. Hope you guys have a nice valentines day with whomever you are planning to spend it with. Its beautiful that its on a Friday, you can go on a movie night or something. If you are just going to be alone like I will be.. Send a message, maybe we can chat...
 Feb 2014 Stephanie
Jay
Part of Life
 Feb 2014 Stephanie
Jay
How many times do I have to die before I get the chance to live?
Time.
 Feb 2014 Stephanie
D
~          ~             ~

I'm watching the couple across the room
She's Asian and he's Indian
But race doesn't matter,
They're happy, everyone can see it

~          ~             ~

They sit together, side by side
Clicking on keyboards, the monitor alight,
They talk in hushed tones, lips pressed to ears
They're in love with each other, it's so very clear

She leans on his shoulder, breathes in his scent
He turns to face her, plants a kiss on her head
She sighs in contentment, this is their third year
He pulls her in closer to whisper in her ear

~          ~             ~

As I'm watching the couple
Who sits across the room
I find my mind wandering
To thoughts of you

~          ~             ~

When we sit together, side by side
Is there someone who watches, eyes alight
With our love, it sings loud, reaching the ears
Of those who watch us, making it clear

When I lean into your scent, I start to swoon
When you kiss me [anywhere], my heart beats a thousand x two
And I'll sigh because I'm happy, almost half a year
*I'll always love you darling, I just hope you can hear
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